posted
Ok, I know there are a lot of romantics here at Hatrack. I currently have no faith in my ability to come up with an appealing anniversary gesture. I know I haven't spoken about my wonderful marrigae in a while but thinks still pretty much suck and I'm still pretty miserable about it all but I'm trying. So anyways, we haven't really spent any time together outside of the typical daily routine for about a year and a half. Last year I had started planning a renewal of vows and huge party but soon realized she wasn't interested and then when the big day actually came around she was quite involved with another man and so it basically sucked. This year I'm not looking for huge gesture but just a chance to get away and try to enjoy a weekend together. My only thought so far is to get a cabin in the woods. We have a beautiful national park not too far away called Hocking Hills. Lots of awsome trails and natural wonders, plus tons of private little cabins and cottages. By the way I live in NW Ohio. Any other thought on affordable weekend trips? How about just nice little things that I ccould do leading up to and on our actual anniversary. You know, sweet but cost effective. Thanks.
Posts: 1294 | Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
This is going to sound cliche, but it is cost effective and - I think - very sweet. Make her a small bouqet of flowers in a bud vase. You can get a bud vase from any craft store, often for $1-2. I prefer the small (3" or so) vases with a wide-ish mouth. You can pick wild flowers from the roadside, a vacant lot, or even your yard (if you're not the meticulous manicured lawn type). You can snip a small branch from a flowering tree. Even some plants normally considered weeds reveal a striking beauty when purposefully displayed. (But you have to know your recipient. If she's the type to think "great, he gives me a bunch of weeds" then you'll need to be more selective.) This, of course, would be a "leading up to" sort of romantic gesture rather than a grand "day of" kind of thing.
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
Where is that thread where one of the ideas was a bathtub/trip down the amazon? Was that a Chris B. article for valentines day?
Posts: 5609 | Registered: Jan 2003
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You could give her something small every day for a week before the big day. Something that reminds you of a funny story, or a special place or time in your relationship. With that little token, I would write down why you chose that object, what it made you think of, how you feel about it, and her etc. I think there's nothing more powerful or romantic than remembering little things about a person or a relationship, and then bringing them up to remind the person how you felt and will always feel about them.
Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
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If it is possible I think it would be nice to spend the weekend at the same place you went on your honeymoon. I would love for my husband to take me to the B&B we went to. That would be a nice guesture kind of a starting over kind of thing.
Posts: 747 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
Oooh, I love Narnia's idea! I think also (since it sounds like things are still slightly rocky) that remembering the easier times always helps. The cabin sounds great as well. It will be a good chance for the two of you to get away and spend some time together.
One thing my husband did for me on our first anniversary was to have a miniature of our wedding cake re-created. It was such a thoughtful gesture that it totally swept me off my feet. This year is our 4th anniversary, on it we will be 5 months pregnant on a family vacation at Disney World. How romantic!
I hope you two have a nice time, beatnix. I truly admire the way you have worked at your marriage and not given up despite the hard times.
posted
Actually, that is what I planned last year after I realized my renewal of vows idea was a no go. I made reservations for the Chicago Pike Inn B&B. Of course she vettoed those plans as well and we never went. My biggest problem is that she still is very much resistant to any great show of effectin or emotion and I'm trying to figure a way to just have fun and get out and try to enjoy each others company with out putting too much stress on our relationship and where it has been over the past year. Anything too sentimental may actually have the reverse effect of what I'm going for. We are in a very "move forward and try to forget the past" kind of place.
Posts: 1294 | Registered: Oct 2003
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"I truly admire the way you have worked at your marriage and not given up despite the hard times."
I appreciate the thought but really I have been an enormous mess and have probably only made matters worse with my constant insanity about our marriage. I've stopped posting about it here but it has still been the most prominant thought in my head. My actions have not always been thoughtful and reflective but often emotional and reaction based. I'm seeing a profesiional about my mood swings and temper and am trying to get it under control but I'm a long way off from winning any husband of the year awards.
To be very honest this is my last effort to do anything nice for my wife. I've been constantly shot down by her. She has no interest in any kind of intamacy (physical, emotional, spitual...) I know this is the basic reason for my mental issues lately, I mean, how often could you listen to your wife tell you she doesn't love you and isn't sure if she really wants to be with you before going nuts? (for me it's been about 1 year and 2 months) I actually have very seriously considered moving out this summer. I'm still trying but the will to fight is just about dead in me.
Posts: 1294 | Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
Get a babysitter out of the house, like send the adorable kids to grandma's or something like that, and just try a weekend at home. Flowers, cook dinner yourself or order out.
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
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If she doesn't have interest in intimacy then I would definately make sure you have activities like hiking planned during your weekend. Spending too much time alone in the cabin might put a bit too much pressure on both of you.
And beatnix, it's okay to be a mess. Marriage is incredibly hard, even when one doesn't have to deal with the issues that you have been going through. There's no shame in trying to save a marriage, and there's no shame in walking away from a dead one either. The fact that you are still trying speaks volumes, and if at some point you decide you're done, then you'll know you did everything you could. Keep taking care of those kiddos.
posted
I know I shouldn't find any of this funny but I can't help it. All these ideas sound great, in fact I've had them all already. Perhaps I'm not as clueless as I thought. The problem is most of these are ideas my wife has shown to be uninterested in. Grandparents have taken the kids for weekends before and every single time I've tried to make plans with her and each time she has either outright said no or made plans to spend the weekend doing something else with her friends. Ive surprised her at home and work with flowers, notes, bubble baths, mixed CD's, dinner, a scrap book I've added poems, pictures and quotes to over the years, and little gifts but none of them have made her even turn her head in my direction. So... I guess you can see my problem. How do I try to do something nice for a person that doesn't appreciate anything nice done for her or feels like I'm trying to hard when I do nice things?
Posts: 1294 | Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
have your kids bake her cookies, take pictures, then clean up the mess (if the pictures I've seen of your kids are recent, there will be a mess ) Seriously that just doesn't seem like a great situation to be in now, but I have no clue what to do.
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
Why not hit a nearby city? You're not too far from Chicago or Cleveland; pop down, grab a hotel, and see a few shows and/or museums. There's no pressure, but you'll keep busy AND won't be "doing anything" to make it seem like you're trying too hard.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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I would and I know she would love to go to Chicago. The problem would be cost. Due to this past year we are broke. Both of us delt with our situation by doing a lot of really stupid shopping and spending a lot of money we didn't have. It's a great idea but I'm not sure if we could afford it. Hmm... I'll have to look around at what I could do. thanks
Posts: 1294 | Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
Can you ask her on a date? Take her out to dinner and mimi golf or bowling or something like that. It can be fun with no pressure. Send the kids to grandparetns. In the morning give her breakfast in bed.
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