posted
I am going to create my own award winning, must see, TV Cooking Show.
It will be called, "Read the directions!"
Seriously. I am known in my family, by my wife's family, at my previous work, at my wife's work, and all of her previous work places, for being a great cook.
I make prepacked foods mostly.
For example, we routinely go to my mother-in-law's house for Thanksgiving. Dinner was put together by everyone. Every year we would buy a can of Crannberries, and forget to open them, or if they were opened they were ignored.
One year I said that I could make cranberries. The family was impressed. I made them and everyone praised how great they were. Finally, after much pressure I said, "Let me tell you the secret. Its a family tradition, told to you the same thing my mother told me so many years ago. Take the bag of cranberries. Turn them over......
and read the directions."
They almost threw me out of the house.
However, my cranberries are demanded every year since. As is my famous dips, made via the directions on the back of the Lipton Soup packet and the Hidden Valley Ranch packet. My chilli can not be kept in stock, thanks to the recipe on the back of the McCormick's Chilli Seasoning Packet.
Now I have been known to tamper with those directions a bit. I flabergasted my family with the worlds best Mac and Cheese, by adding a few slices of Kraft American Cheese to the cooked Kraft Mac & Cheese, then stirring vigorously.
Yet when I thought it was these small tamperings that earned me the praise, I am slapped down.
Last week my family was over for a BarBQ. My parents brought some prepackaged frozen steaks. I threw them on the grill and basically overcooked them a bit.
My wife took some left overs to work. When she warmed them in the Microwave, the smell had people begging her for a bit. The result was that I got a call from her work praising my culinary skills and demanding what secret blend of spices I had marinated them with.
I had put on nothing. N-O-T-H-I-N-G!!!!!!
There appear to be two kinds of people who make up most of America. There are those who can't cook and look in awe at anyone who can boil water, and there are those who enjoy cooking and assume that anything with flavor must have been created from scratch.
For those of us in the minority, who whip up something on occasion by following the most simple of directions, usually from the back of the box we are cooking from, everyone assumes that we are in that second group. The non-cookers believe we are experts because we are not afraid of the oven, and the experts believe we are experts because they can't believe that such tastes could come from anything so mundane as boxed/canned/prepacked stuff.
Ok. Rant over. Now back to my excellent Roast Beef, cooked with the indespensible aid a Lipton Onion Soup Mix thrown across the top.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
I do the same thing as you, but I extend it to following a different sort of directions--recipes for from scratch dishes. It's the same idea... pretty easy, but very impressive.
Posts: 2880 | Registered: Jun 2004
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posted
I'm a "little of this, little of that" cook. The plus side is that I often concoct tasty food without having to rely on a recipe. The downsides are that I often can't remember what's in something (and definitely not amounts) when someone asks and that I can never make the same dish the same way twice.
Posts: 1903 | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
You know what would be totally awesome? Picture "The Iron Chef". You stride into Kitchen Stadium followed by a parade of your entourage. You approach Chairman Kaga. He says something to you that you can't understand until you look at the subtitles down at the bottom of the room. The Three Iron Chefs rise up out of whatever hole they hide in between episodes. You pick the chef that you will be challenging, say, Chen Kenichi (because he's my favorite).
Chairman Kaga stands on a platform above you, as the Secret Theme Ingredient rises from the Dry Ice Mist. He unveils the Secret Theme Ingredient and it is...
Lipton Onion Soup Mix!
Chen shakes his head and looks worried, as a sly and confident grin creeps across your countenance.
(OK, that's MY fantasy. Except my Secret Theme Ingredient is Matzah. Just thought I'd lend you my fantasy. Enjoy)
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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Homemade Potato Chips and Dip Special K Loaf Beef Roast surrounded with Potatoes, Onions, and Carrots Egg Noodles with an Onion Mushroom Sauce Egg Drop Onion Soup
That's all I can think of...and I made up the last two.
Edit: And since I think making dessert is required... how about an apple crisp with a slight onion soup seasoning. I mean, come on... how else do you make onion dessert??
Posts: 2880 | Registered: Jun 2004
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posted
One year at Thanksgiving dinner one of my dad's cousins started raving about how wonderful the mashed potatoes were, the texture was perfect, the flavor was good, totally tasty. She asked my grandma's secret recipe, which happened to be use this brand of instant, get the water really hot, use margerine instead of butter, and walk away. But this Grandma really is a good cook, just doesn't make mashed potatoes from scratch, it was so funny.
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
That is funny... especially since your cousin couldn't tell instant from the real thing. Who makes real mashed potatoes without any lumps?? It's supposed to be that way. Yum yum. Posts: 2880 | Registered: Jun 2004
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quote: the experts believe we are experts because they can't believe that such tastes could come from anything so mundane as boxed/canned/prepacked stuff.
You may be defining "expert" differently. Most of the real food "experts" I know would be aghast at this claim. Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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quote:Who makes real mashed potatoes without any lumps?? It's supposed to be that way. Yum yum.
While I agree, my grandma makes real mashed potatoes without any lumps. She whips them in the mixer.
And I, while considered by many to be a passable cook from scratch, have been known to get a craving for Liptons onion dip or Kraft mac and cheese. Not that I would ever admit serving those foods to my dad; he would have a heart attack if he knew that he has, on occasion, eaten stuffing from a box at Thanksgiving dinner.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
I dunno... I've had mashed potatoes mixed in a mixer...and they still have a very different consistency from instant, in that instant mashed are uniform, and real mashed are not.
Posts: 2880 | Registered: Jun 2004
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quote: the experts believe we are experts because they can't believe that such tastes could come from anything so mundane as boxed/canned/prepacked stuff.
You may be defining "expert" differently. Most of the real food "experts" I know would be aghast at this claim.
I don't doubt that many experts would be aghast at the claim, but I wonder if they'd pass a blind taste-test. Sometimes the emperor is really naked.
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
If I were to want to simmer new potatos, onions, and chicken in a sauce for 20 minutes or so, would I need to boil the potatos first, or would 20 minutes of simmering in a thick sauce be enough to cook them (they'd be diced up, of course)?
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
Boil them first. Twenty minutes won't be enough time.
quote:While I agree, my grandma makes real mashed potatoes without any lumps. She whips them in the mixer.
Who doesn't whip their potatoes with a mixer? I mean, that's the only thing my mixer ever gets used for, is mashed potatoes.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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quote:but I wonder if they'd pass a blind taste-test
I bet many of them would if for no other reason than the amount of salt found in most prepared foods.
Posts: 3423 | Registered: Aug 2001
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Will you share your potatoes with me, too? I like to add a little roasted garlic, fresh minced rosemary, and sour cream to my mashed potatoes. I also like to leave a little bit of skin on a couple of them.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
I always leave the skin on the potatoes when making mashed potatoes. Boil em up, drain, mash em (with some butter) and serve. However, I have also been known to eat raw potatoes.
Now, as far as cooking from scratch is concerned. My chili is ALWAYS cooked from scratch. Mine has no recipe. I always get asked for it too. In fact, I just prepared some tonight. This way I can put it in the oven tomorrow without having to hassle with the draining and cutting that goes on right before. My mother on the other hand, could not keep from reaching into the pot and taking some of the ingredients. That stopped once I put the hot peppers in there.
Other than that, yep, I read the directions for almost everything else I make.
Posts: 2208 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
My only experience making mashed potatoes was not clear, because my wife gave me directions. She told me to boil the potatoes, and she would tell me what to do when they were done.
So when all the water was boiled out of the pan, I assumed they were done.
Of course she isn't any better of a cook. For our first anniversary she made me shrimp. While she cooked the shrimp well enough, she knew I liked cocktail sauce on mine. My mother told her that cocktail sauce was a mixture of horseradish and catsup. So she mixed the two together--at a 50/50 ratio. 1/2 cup catsup with 1/2 cup horseradish.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
I do put ketchup on my mashed potatoes. But only instant mashed. Home-made mashed potatoes are safe from ketchup, don't worry. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:Originally posted by ketchupqueen: I do put ketchup on my mashed potatoes. But only instant mashed. Home-made mashed potatoes are safe from ketchup, don't worry.
posted
Well, don't you put ketchup on fries? It's the same kind of thing. Ketchup is also excellent on baked potatoes. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
I had never even heard of mashed potatoes with ketchup. I am actually cringing in horror and disgust at the very thought.Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
Ketchup is good on anything....as long as it is Navy food. You have to have something to cover up the horrible taste.
Posts: 2208 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
I've actually heard of catsup on potatoes... my ex-husband's family did some pretty unspeakable things to food... including catsup on mashed potatoes, rice, plain noodles, and just about anything else on the table. Don't even get me started on what they did with mayonnaise. <gag>
The grossest usage of catsup that I've ever seen though ... I don't remember when or who it was, it was so traumatic that I've blocked it from my memory... was someone putting it on cottage cheese. shudderPosts: 2069 | Registered: May 2001
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posted
Waste of good cottage cheese. But then so is putting fruit on it. Cottage cheese is best with ground marjoram and a little bit of salt. Or, as a topping for pot pie or spaghetti.
quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: I had never even heard of mashed potatoes with ketchup. I am actually cringing in horror and disgust at the very thought.
Ugh. And I'm envisioning that unholy combination. The red of the ketchup against the creamy whiteness of the mashed potato.
Kind of like a burst pimple.
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
There's a DJ on the radio station my wife listens to and his son will eat anything with ketchup. They had listeners call in and give suggestions and the only one I heard was oatmeal. The kid ate it up and enjoyed it while his sister was nearly sick watching him.
Posts: 1336 | Registered: Mar 2002
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posted
Ketchup is also good with chicken nuggets, fish sticks, scrambled eggs, macaroni and cheese, and, of course, hot dogs. Oh, and meat loaf.
Posts: 1903 | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
It works, but these combinations are superior:
chicken nuggets -- barbecue sauce fish sticks -- tartar sauce scrambled eggs -- salsa or any type of hot pepper or Mexican sauce (a green tomatillo sauce is my favorite) macaroni and cheese -- nothing if it's good mac and cheese, fresh ground black peper if it isn't
I can't argue with hot dogs and meat loaf.
Posts: 3423 | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
I would also like to add that it's a crying shame that Tante has never had gravy on her potatoes. Gravy is God's gift to . . . me. We loves it, we does.
Posts: 1903 | Registered: Sep 2003
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quote:Grilled chicken breasts: If it needs ketchup, you haven't cooked it in barbecue sauce or an appropriate marinade.
I hate BBQ sauce. And I think it's good with ketchup even if it has been marinated.
quote:French dip sandwiches: Could be good. I always found the dipping sauce too salty anyway.
Oh, no, you put the ketchup on the sandwich and then the dip! Of course, if you have a real French dip, it comes already dipped. So then, you can just open it up, ketchup it, and enjoy.
quote:Boiled potatoes: Hm. Nah, I'll go with olive oil, garlic, seasoning salt, and herbs.
Well, duh. And then you add sour cream and ketchup!
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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