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Sorry if you read this in Chris's thread, but I liked the way it turned out and wanted to give it wider dissemination. [/shameless attention seeking]
When my ex, Douglas's dad passed away, we were cleaning out his dad's basement with his aunt and found this hideous mechanical Santa. It was about a foot tall, dressed in very faded red velvet (the edges were that sick yellow-red color one might find on a used band-aid) trimmed with dingy gray fur. It held a rusty bell. In it's better days it's eyes lit up and it would walk forward ringing the bell and shouting "Ho Ho Ho". Douglas turned it on and sat it on the floor. It made a grinding noise and then lumbered forward, ringing the bell. The eyes lit up with a demonic red light and it lurched a couple more times. It still said "Ho Ho Ho", but now the recorded voice was deep and gravely, and sounded more like a chain smoker insulting a hooker. Douglas's aunt looked down at it and then up at Douglas and said, "He would have wanted you to have that."
So we took it home where it sat (on its back) on the workbench in the basement. There must have been a short in the on/off switch because sometimes when we went down in the basement to get something it would spontaneously start up, evil little arms and legs waving in the air and hurling its little "HO HO HO" epithet. Never failed to scare the hell out of me.
Well, next Christmas we put it in a box, wrapped it with beautiful paper and took it to his aunt on Christmas Eve. She laughed so hard I though we might have killed her. Next year Douglas's sister got a "nice surprise" from their aunt. Now that he and I are no longer together, I wonder where the thing is. I imagine it's still traveling between his family members inflicting its evil on someone new each year. I gotta find something like it to spread the cheer in my family.
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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There's a similar Santa device in the foyer where I work. Every time someone bumps into the table, it starts singing Jingle Bells. I want to break it into a million pieces, so I can only imagine how the guy with the office closest to it feels.
Posts: 10886 | Registered: Feb 2000
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Karl, you absolutly CRACK ME UP! That was an inspired description. "Chain smoker insulting a hooker", indeed!
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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Most years someone in my family gets a box with holes in the paper, and a toy kitten inside. Well I guess one year before I was born my dad's brother gave my mom a real kitten because he knew how much my dad hated cats. We had that cat 18 years. So now there's the stuffed kitten every year, it was fun when I was little because whoever got it, gave it to me, and it just increased my animal collection.
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
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My grandma buys christmas gifts throughout the year, and sometimes forgets that she's got them all. Mom had mentioned at one point how much she liked Grandma's can opener, so everytime Grandma found a can opener in a store, she bought one. We ended up with like five.
So the next year, my mom bought her as many can openers as she could find.
And then, when I went to school, I foolishly put can opener on my christmas list. I recieved 20 can openers.
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![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
That's awesome! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
