posted
I am writing a story involving a religious woman with low self-esteem. She marries a charismatic man who bashes what little self-worth she has left, forces her to leave her church, and eventually abuses her mentally and physically.
She stays because she does not believe she deserves anything better.
Finally, in a prayer to God, he answers her. In their talk, she says, "I love him more than myself. What more can you ask?"
God replies, "If Abraham would have hated his son then the sacrifice would have meant nothing. Instead he loved his son, so the sacrifice would have meant everything."
I would like to end it there, but I don't know if I need an explanation--that true love, defined as loving someone more than yourself, means little if you do not love yourself first.
This thought made me wonder, is the true love of an egotist stronger than the true love of others? They have a bigger hurdle to jump over.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
I'm not sure the egotist's "true love" would be stronger. I don't believe the stregth of love can be measured by the difficulty in getting there. Some people work their whole lives to learn to love and only acheive a weak and tentative love, at best. For them, that small love might be a much more impressive acheivement than the strong love of someone for whom love comes easily, even though it pales in comparison to the latter love's strength. But it's still a weaker love. IMO.
As for the story, I think the metaphor is too broad to serve as a good ending in itself. I don't think it would be damaged by adding a sentence or two of explanation:
"If Abraham had hated his son, his sacrifice would have been meaningless. But he loved his son deeply, so his sacrifice was everything. What should please me in your self-sacrifice if what you give is a self you abhor?"
Of course, if I were writing the story I'd have to point out that God wouldn't be pleased with the sacrifice of even a self that was greatly cherished if it were sacrificed on the Altar of Molech, as her self was. I mean seriously, the husband doesn't seem worthy of her love however weak or misguided. "Pearls before swine" as it were. Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
There may be more in the dialogue and the story itself that makes it work, but as you've explained it I am left with questions. I'm not sure what God is asking of this woman (or what she thinks he is asking). Is he asking her to leave her husband? To stay and keep loving him in spite of his abuse? I would need more of the story to know whether the analogy works for me or not. I wouldn't have extrapolated a need to love one's self in order to truly love another from the Abraham analogy alone.
A nitpick on wording. In God's reply, how about "If Abraham had hated . . ." (rather than 'would have')
Posts: 3149 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
One of my rules for storytelling: never end on the epiphany if the epiphany comes in dialogue.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
I did not get "that true love, defined as loving someone more than yourself, means little if you do not love yourself first" from "If Abraham would have hated his son then the sacrifice would have meant nothing. Instead he loved his son, so the sacrifice would have meant everything."
So for me that ending would have failed.
I also agree that the "would have" is clunky and confusing.
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
Thanks for your feedback all. Oh, and this wasn't the ending of the story, just a turning point. My use of the words "Finally" and "End it there" are poorly chosen. Finally means, it took her long enough, and the it I want to end is the message from God.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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