posted
I'm seeking advice, especially from any who've tried to balance college with a job and/or taking care of kids.
I am of two minds right now. Part of me says I should bite the bullet, push through, get my degree as fast as possible and get through this mess. The other part says I should slow down, take fewer classes, take longer to graduate and focus more on my kids instead of my schoolwork right now.
Right now I'm taking four classes and I'm handling them easily. I planned on upping that and taking six classes in the summer and six classes per semester (on average) after that. The schoolwork is not the problem, my grades are good. But when the kids come home I'm usually reading (had 430 pages of reading that had to be done before classes today - three English classes this semester) and when I'm working on papers and preparing for finals I do get strung out and pretty stressed. I worry that I'm not striking a good balance and not spending enough time focused on the kids.
Nothing obvious is going on, I mean all four kids still have good grades in school and still get fed and bathed and everything I just feel like I'm not able to be a full-time Mommy like I think I should. I guess I just can't be both full-time Mommy and full-time Student at the same time. Now I need to pick one and let that one have priority, if only for a while. So, is it priority to student and just push through and finish school ASAP, or is it priority to full-time mommyhood and cut back and only take two or three classes per semester and push graduation back a year or so (or more)?
Of course, after I graduate I plan on working, so it's not as if I'll be able to relax and devote myself full time to my kids again. I guess I'm just worried the kids will resent me spending all this time on my education, and future career when I've been home with them all these years.
Anybody have thoughts? Perspectives to share?
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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My wife is going full time to get her master's, while teaching full time. For time spent together I told her I would be patient Monday-Friday, but the weekends belong to us. So far that has worked out rather well.
Posts: 3134 | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
You might want to ask your advisor if your future classes have a higher workload than your current ones. You wouldn't want to make your decision based on your experience of introductory classes and then get hit with a greater time commitment than you were expecting.
And you could always split the difference and go with five classes.
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
Is there a reason to rush toward graduation outside of preferring to get it over with? If not, my gut reaction would be to take your time. There's no inherent virtue in finishing school more quickly, while avoiding burnout is a Good Thing.
That, and I'd advise you not to put too much stock in the gut reactions of complete strangers. Posts: 884 | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
dkw, I'm an upperclassmen and I've taking higher level courses in my major right now. There IS a huge time commitment, but so far the actual workload hasn't been bad as long as I can get the reading done. The problem with splitting the difference is the fact that I have to have all my course work completed before I student teach. The only reason I'm worried about it now is that I will soon have to make my application and declare what semester I intend to student teach so they can have time to process my paperwork and get me in a student teaching slot. So, I have to tell them that I intend to be finished with my major coursework (my English degree) in which semester. That means deciding how many classes I want to take each semester and sticking to that plan. In fact, one of the classes I'm in right now is an intro to the education department and making this plan of action and signing off on it with my advisor is one of the requirements for completing the course. (now, naturally, if I said I wanted to student teach Fall 2009 and I couldn't get a certain class and it wound up being Spring 2010 instead, it wouldn't be the end of the world, but it certainly makes things easier, I've been told, if you can go ahead and declare what semester you'll be ready and make that deadline.)
Granted, some of it may be beyond my control, like this semester I actually was enrolled in five classes but one professor cancelled his course and I dropped another when my daughter's schedule changed and I had a conflict with an after-school activity. The time is coming soon when I won't be able to do that.
Stephan, they are a daughter 14, a daughter 9, and 6 year old boy/girl twins.
I'm afraid I'm going to graduate, turn around and see my oldest is ready to go to college and feel like I missed the last few years she was home. But then, that happens to all parents, they feel like the time just flies by them so perhaps I'm putting too much on myself. "borrowing trouble" as my grandmother would put it.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
DKW has a great point. For me, the reading load for a junior seminar was way more than for an intro to Shakespeare --- not that the page counts went up dramatically, but the difficulty of reading and the raised expectations of how well I had synthesized/analyzed the reading.
Another thing to watch out for is courses that require weekly writing assignments/labs/group projects, etc. Basically stuff where you can't cram studying or writing into a small period of time.
I say vary how many classes you take based on what schedule you can put together and how things are going at home. It's all about the mix.
Biggest mistake I made in college was taking statistics during a semester where I had signed up for a total of 18 units of coursework *and* started working 20 hours a week and one of my classes was a tutoring class that required weekly observations/reports.
EDIT: Belle posted while I was writing. Considering the new info, I'm going to change my mind and say just blast through it if you can. Better to load up on the courses that are mainly just reading and writing papers now so that you have less credits left to complete when you get to the education courses/student teaching later.
posted
*grin* And I was coming back to say just the opposite. Belle, if your like me you're thinking "what I'm doing now is easy, so obviously I can do more." But I'm not sure this is a situation where you want or need to push yourself to the limit (or even close). Having a little extra time to do things with your kids is a good thing, and keeping your coursework at a "zero stress" level is also good.
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
Tough decision, Belle. I'm in a similar spot with my dissertation. I have no useful advice other than to follow what your good parenting sense tells you to do.
Posts: 5663 | Registered: Jun 2000
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posted
At the moment, those instincts say the kids are home and I have to take them all to the dance shop with me to buy Abigail some new jazz shoes for her dance class. See ya. Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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quote:Originally posted by dkw: Belle, if your like me you're thinking "what I'm doing now is easy, so obviously I can do more." But I'm not sure this is a situation where you want or need to push yourself to the limit (or even close). Having a little extra time to do things with your kids is a good thing, and keeping your coursework at a "zero stress" level is also good.
Agreed. However . . .
My senior year, while expecting child #2, I did a research paper on women balancing college and kids. I was looking for some kind of help to figure out how to achieve my own balance.
The one result I came up with? They're NOT a homogeneous group -- not even close! And the ones who succeed and manage to finish their degree without losing their minds are the ones who figure out that what works for them probably will not be the same as what works for someone else.
OTOH, as Shmuel said, what's the rush?
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Assuming your kids matter more than your classes (and of course they do)...
Would it be good if you had more time with your kids?
How much time would be about right?
I'd say, allot that time, and schedule your classes around that requirement. Classes are great, but comparing their importance to kids...no contest!
Posts: 1877 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
I think you need to sit down and figure out a few things.
1) How badly is your current class load eating into time with your kids. If you continued on for several years at the current rate, would it seriously eat into time with your kids.
2) If you increased the time you spent at school, how much more quickly can you finish school? Is the added time now worth the amount of semesters you finish early?
3) Is the amount of time you spend with school now more or less than the amount of time you plan to spend on a job when you graduate? If you think you will spend more time with a job, then cramming classes doesn't make sense because you are sacrificing time with kids now, and not gaining any time with your kids later. If you think that your job will take less time (or at least less of the time when your kids are home from school), then it would make sense to try to speed up the schooling process.
4) How badly do you need the money from a post school job? Will your children's college education be at risk if you don't get the money from a post school job quickly? If so, maybe you should hurry up and get through school in order to be able to pay for their college.
I think you should think about these issue, and decide what will work out for you, and what will work out for your family. It might also be a good idea to talk about the issues with your kids, particularly your 14 year old. It might make them feel more involved in your life...and will also show that you take education seriously, which could help realize the importance of their own educations.
Posts: 1901 | Registered: May 2004
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quote:Is the amount of time you spend with school now more or less than the amount of time you plan to spend on a job when you graduate? If you think you will spend more time with a job, then cramming classes doesn't make sense because you are sacrificing time with kids now, and not gaining any time with your kids later. If you think that your job will take less time (or at least less of the time when your kids are home from school), then it would make sense to try to speed up the schooling process.
I would say it's about the same. I'm an English major which means a lot of reading and paper writing, but I plan to be an English teacher which will involve reading and paper grading. So, I don't think I'll be gaining or losing any time when I get a job.
pH, our summer term is funky. There are really four terms - a May term, a Summer A term and a Summer B term and a 12-week term. The May term is like three weeks in May and you go four-five hours per day and knock out a course quickly. I hope to take one course in that term. Then, the A term runs from the end of May until July 4, the B term from July 5 to mid-August. I hope to take two classes each in those terms. Then the final class is online and runs the entire summer (the 12 week term).
I did the math and if I take 15 hours per semester (that's five classes on average since most of my classes are 3 hours) I can finish in two years. As of now, that's the plan.
One thing that is encouraging is that I'm starting to hit repeats. That is, my upper level classes are going over literature that I've already read and studied in some of the lower classes. That means I'm not having to spend so much time reading, more just refreshing my memory. My Shakespeare class is a 400 level class, and it's about to hit King Lear and Othello, both of which I've read before and written papers on before. Granted, at this level I'm studying it more intensely, but at least it's familiar to me.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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