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It's time to wring in the New Year with puns. So join us under the Sign of the Auld Lang, and we'll get this party started...
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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It's been several years since I got to bring in the new year with my buddy Richard Lark. I do so miss celebrating with Dick Lark.
Posts: 2022 | Registered: Mar 2004
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I'm assuming that most folks have or are in the process of taking down their Christmas decorations but I still want to wish everyone Happy Hollydays.
Posts: 2022 | Registered: Mar 2004
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I remember the days of tin roofs, believe it or not. My grandfather sold them, but he always said that tin sells cheap.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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Did he fish? I used to go after those fish with the really long, toothy mouths. They really put up a fight. When the gar lands, it's time to celebrate.
Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
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My mother used to make us construct tree decorations out of mints that were tasteless and crass. She always made a big production out of hanging the ornery mints on the tree.
Posts: 2022 | Registered: Mar 2004
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My mom used to not let us use the computer over Christmas. She'd say, "You'll log in when the fire dies down, not before!"
Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
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My Uncle Pat always came over for the holidays. To this day, I am not sure if he was a menorrah woman.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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Did your Uncle Pat have lots of bad luck like mine? I asked my uncle how he was feeling after Christmas, and he said, "How do you think I feel after being canned? Ill."
Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
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I'm reminded of an old flame I had named Carol. My friend was of the opinion that Carol was just using me as a stop-gap boyfriend until she could land a rich fella. He used to say, "You'll tide Carol over until she lands a sugar daddy".
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Every year when we're decorating the tree, I needle my parents about the fact that I don't have a Baby's First Christmas ornament.
Posts: 1547 | Registered: Jan 2004
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I wonder Whoville take over the Christmas traditions in my family when my grandmother passes on?
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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I wish there were button to turn off certain negative behaviors. The first thing I would do is turn everyone's "Rude" off.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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Yes but if you turned everyone's "Rude" off, all we'd be left with is a bunch of brown nosers!
Posts: 3295 | Registered: Jun 2004
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My catholic friend likes to tell a story about his middle daughter and Christmas Eve. They like to attend Mass and everyone is running around trying to get ready. There is, apparently, much shouting about hurrying up or they'll miss Mass. The daughter once said, "Oh, its Cries Mass time again".
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I'm sure that everyone has a friend that basks in bucking tradition. You know, the type that flaunts their rebellious nature? I've got a buddy like that. This time of year he revels in his practice of implementing new ways to thumb his nose at authority. He calls it his New Years Revolutions.
Posts: 2022 | Registered: Mar 2004
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I am excited about the new Kojak show coming on USA! However, I don't think the new actor will have the same shaped egg noggin that Telly Savales had.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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A farmer had two pig pens, one in back, one in front. Each hired hand assigned to keep it clean. A visitor was surprised when he saw that the one assigned to the front was a woman. He said, "The hired hand in the fro sty - tha's no man!"
Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
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You know, some people are just SICK. I tell you, it is not enough that there are magazines like Playboy and Playgirl? Now my Boston friend's Irish Setter is demanding his own subscription to a Dog Breeder's Journal. What a porn settah.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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