posted
I work at the national office of the Boy Scouts. A guy that I have been acquainted with for almost two years recently e-mailed me, asking me to hook him up with the person who sells databases of information so they can target market.
First, that's not going to happen. The Boy Scouts does not sell the information it collects, and is very vigilant and paranoid to keep the information private. Fortunately, I can tell him that.
I say fortunately because I am FLOORED that he asked me. We've been going to the same parties for almost two years now, and this is the longest exchange that we've had. He's gone out of his way to be rude to me before. He's quite simply one of the shallowest, opportunistic people I've ever met.
A party a few weeks ago was held at the house of a sister of a mutual friend, and this guy was actively speculating how much the house was worth and wondering what the guy did for a living. He was horribly, terribly rude to a shy friend of mine who had a crush on him. One certainly doesn't have to like everyone that likes one, but the only time he spoke to her, after a few brave attempts on her part to start a conversation, was to tell her that she was dressed oddly.
posted
Perhaps a polite, "Buzz off, jerkwad!" would be sufficient. And then send a polite note thanking him for the chance to say that.
Posts: 472 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
I don't think that has anything to do with morality. He just bugs the crud out of me. I still can't believe he asked.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
He may just lack couth, and is not an actual user.
Just tell him you don't have any contacts that would be of use to him since your employer's organization does not sell their database information.
First, the guy commenting about the house and speculating what the owner did for a living is not really terrible. It's something I could see myself doing, though I might not say it out loud. Second, his comment about your friend's outfit might have been accurate. Was it? That she had a crush on him probably didn't ping his radar. I dunno...maybe it's just me, but this sounds like a scene from Pride and Prejudice.
Last...if he's a salesman, and it sounds like he is, part of the mindset of many in sales is that your product is better than anyone elses. With that mindset, it's an honor to be able to offer it to people who might need it. That's why Mary Kay and Nikken and all those other home based sales efforts are so successful. The people who sell them believe in the product and share their pleasure with their friends. That it sometimes comes off as pushy usage is just another perspective.
Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
You'll have to take my word for it that he's rude. We've been acquainted for two years. Coccinelle sees this, she can testify.
I don't hold him responsible for knowing that someone had a crush on him, but jeniwren, I can't believe that you would open tell a stranger in the first conversation that they are dressed funny, and then walk away.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
It sounds to me like besides telling him that you cannot/will not help him with his business, you would really like to tell him what you think of him as a person.... Perhaps at the next party the two of you attend, you'll have an opportunity to make a scathing commentary on his lack of social graces. Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
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posted
I would like to tell him what I think of him, actually. Instead, I tell Hatrack what I think of him, and when someone asks me my opinion, I say I think he is elegant.
And thus civilization rests on a bed of lies.
quote:Dear Dreamer,
That does sound like the natural audience for the campaign. However, the Boy Scouts doesn't sell the personal information of the members of its programs. Good luck with your endeavors.
Thanks, Kate
That's what I'm sending. Too rude? Too nice?
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
Sounds just about right. Tact is important - if you said any of the things you're likely to want to say, he could possibly get you in trouble with your employer.
Better to just be the polite, moral person you are.
posted
kat, I believe you. I dunno...I guess I've spent too much time around very touchy, very grouchy (overworked) programmers. My rude-o-meter is set to pretty high tolerance levels.
And no, unless the stranger was dressed oddly on purpose (like wearing a big Spongebob Squarepants costume ), I wouldn't say a word.
I still think, though, that you should just tell him you can't be of help, and leave it at that. I think it's possible he was not out to push your buttons or use you in an unkind way.
edit: you posted while I was writing. I like what you wrote.
quote:The first sentence makes it less nice. Without that sentence, it would just be "you're asking for something impossible." Now, it's "you're asking for something impossible, and it would really help you if it were possible.
I guess I was interpreting it as: It would be really helpful if I could give you the info, but I'm so sorry I'm not allowed to *wringing of hands in distress*
posted
I think the reason for the first sentence was because I was about to shoot the request down, and so needed to surrounded the gunshot with nice things. Since I couldn't say anything nice about hearing from him, I had to compliment something. So, I tried to compliment the thinking that led him to ask me.
But I think it's hilarious that it's ambiguous enough to be taken either way.
posted
I got in trouble over the last closing I reccommended to you, but I don't know that I would have said 'thanks' I think I would have left any closing off entirely and just signed your name.
quote:Yeah, I know. It looks like we will be pulling parental data because the apple doesn’t fall to far from the tree. It’s expensive and not as direct as I would like it. I wonder how much the BSA could get out of the Army. I think if they said something outrageous we would consider it. Gov’t has money to burn for these efforts. I’ll see ya...
That, by the way, is the whole thing. No opening, no closing, no thank you.
I think there is a very very recent court case that led to explicit rules about the military not supporting the BSA, yes? That the BSA could use the same facilities as any other non-profit, but not have a discounted rate or official Outpost sponsorship by the US military.
I could be wrong, though. I thought I just read something about it in the paper.
Posts: 2919 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
I don't think this would count as government support, since the information has to be bought from someone. The government may no longer be allowed to support the BSA, but it can still do business.
Added: I can't believe the implicit offer of money in the e-mail. It's like a bad spy novel.
Which makes me worry a little that I'm just injecting myself into the noble spy role. No, Mr. Evil Marketer, you can't buy us! We'll never do business with you!
But he's still a cad. You already told him the BSA ain't selling.
(For some reason, I was reading "could get out of the Army" completely out of context. As you state, it would be a strict business deal, and not support.)
[You have to show a little leg now, katharina, and make a moue of your mouth. Bat those lashes. ]
[ November 18, 2004, 05:16 PM: Message edited by: Sara Sasse ]
Posts: 2919 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
It's a comment on how elegantly Kat handles herself - she validated the thought, offered positive feedback but was firm in her refusing the request and even explained why she refused his request.
That said, he's "Sales" and they're always networking - to be sure, there are some lawyers and salespeople with souls, but just as many if not more who do better in the field because they don't.
Granted, he has all the subtlety and social graces of an amorous deer which doesn't bode well for his future prospects. And he's just shallow and self-centered enough not to be aware of how others might perceive his actions.
And I'm not sure why I just rattled off three paragraphs on what could best be summed by, "he's a twit," but oh well.
posted
Who said it had anything to do with morality? It was a side point. I love your morals. So there.
Posts: 3771 | Registered: Sep 2002
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posted
When I read this thread at the office, my first thought was that he was using the fact that he knew you personally as a way to try and get around the BSA's policies. I decided against posting it at the time because I thought that perhaps I was simply being far too cynical and pessimistic. I'm glad to see I wasn't over-reacting.
Good for you for telling him no!!!
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