posted
The following is an account of a pitiful human being. If you do not like commiserating with pitiful human beings, you might not want to continue. I'm relating it only because of the humor I find inherent in it.
I have been sick for a week. I've had what the American Medical Association's Family Medical Guide diagnoses as (through pages of high-level flowchart analysis) a common cold. It's been mostly just a very obnoxious cough, but in the past few days has been opening franchises in my nose as well. I'm pretty convinced I'll get better any day now.
Monday and Tuesday I was wiped out and couldn't go in to work. This was troubling, becauase not only do I really need the money, but we have an art opening this Friday (is that today?) and are helping coordinate another event tonight that's raising money for a sculpture the town is trying to purchase. I committed to making pamphlets and posters for this event weeks ago. I'm also opening an art show of my own, but luckily I got to stay up late framing everything myself on Wednesday night, saving me the fatigue of having to do that now.
Wednesday I went in to work, clocked in, grabbed a bunch of stuff and went home to work on it all afternoon. Thursday I went in to work, hoping to get a lot of these things printed out. You see, (extended aside to follow) being the small beans business that we are, we don't get posters and pamphlets printed at an actual printer. The ladies in the drugstore (we're owned by the same people) print things out on the color copier for us. The computer they have freezes up when you try to print a pdf, and so everything I do has to be in photoshop format, so I can print it out of photoshop 5.0. Then I cut it all out by hand. It's really high class, I'm telling you.
Unfortunately, on Thursday, the color printer decided to crash. I had two hours left in my shift, and was running about coughing politely and my boss (the owner, who's also a pharmacist) told me to go home and stop infecting everyone and take all kinds of drugs which he kindly listed out for me.
I didn't have much money, and I am notorious for having very bad reactions to new and potent drugs, so I got some cough syrup at the grocery store on my way home. It says it relieves cough and chest congestion, which despite the obvious logical fallacy of calling itself a cough supressant and an expectorant, looked pretty promising to me and the cemented mucus that lives in my chest. I know you should try not to use multi-symptom medicines, but this one only fights two symptoms instead of the 16 that NyQuil fights, so it must be 8 times better than NyQuil, right?
So far, it hasn't had any noticable effect.
This morning, I slept until 10:00, which never happens, so I must have needed it. At least my mom (the sole other employee of our gallery) is in town today, instead of at college 40 miles away. I still am the only one who knows how to print and assemble the pamphlets, though, so I get up and go down to work and try not to cough when anyone is listening so I can get these done.
I'm feeling particularly weak (my darn female surprises decide to show up and start depleting my iron at the most convenient times) and my cough is worse today. Every time I cough, it hurts my head and my lower back, and it's really best if I can brace myself in a somewhat sideways position so I don't injure myself further. This is really attractive, and gains me all kinds of friends.
At least the printer works, and I can get the pamphlet pages printed out. My mom's in the gallery, getting everything for the opening tonight set up (thank heavens), and all I have to do is cut out these pages (snobby desinger me decided they needed a full bleed to look cool and multiple pages that require collating and stapling) and I'll be done and I can go home.
I get out the metal ruler and the Exacto knife and line up my trim marks nicely. Terry, the ever-helpful copy desk lady asks if I need a new blade. "I'll see," I tell her. "This one looks pretty sharp."
That one is pretty sharp. It slices off a beautifully smooth oval section of my finger in one smooth motion. I'd really reccommend this brand for anyone who needs to cut up meat effortlessly. It goes right through callouses and tough skin and does it so quickly it takes the wound half a minute before it realizes it needs to bleed - plenty of time to get your hand away from those pretty pamphlets you just printed out.
"Yeah, I think that blade is pretty sharp," I tell Terry. I'm pinching my bloody forefinger with my thumb, a move that's surprisingly ineffective. She somehow gets Kleenex into my hand and has a first-aid kit the size of a duffell bag out on the counter in a heartbeat.
I stand there patiently, putting pressure on a big wad of bloody kleenex as she opens an antiseptic wipe.
I blink. "I don't think I want to put that on it until it stops bleeding."
"How deep is it?"
"Pretty deep." I decide not to show her the nice oval slice of my own skin I'm holding in my palm, even though it's a good indicator of the size of the wound. I'd show her the wound itself, but it's now stuck to a giant wad of Kleenex.
She hands me two band-aids and an antiseptic wipe and I tell her I'll put them on when I get home.
My mom brings me home, but has to hurry back in time for the artist to show up and set up her work. Meanwhile, I discover that we have no gauze or first aid tape left, just a lot of really small band-aids. I wrap my finger in cheesecloth, which is surprisingly un-absorptive despite its similarities to first aid gauze, and secure it with four really small band-aids because I can't find the tape.
So I think I shall now lay in bed and cough and try not to injure myself or anyone else any further.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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posted
Damn girl - you are not supposed to mangle yourself before the weekend.
Sunday, ok. Not on Friday. Sheesh.
Let this be a lesson - if you're going to play with sharp objects, make sure you have a fully stocked first aid kit on-hand (sorry) and someone willing to use it.
Edit: And why am I the only one concerned that the girl tried to staunch the blood flow with cheesecloth and has mentioned the word "medic" in a reply?
quote:Edit: And why am I the only one concerned that the girl tried to staunch the blood flow with cheesecloth and has mentioned the word "medic" in a reply?
Because the cheescloth is no longer an issue (it sounds to me like the bleeding stopped) and she's in bed with the anteseptic and covered wound sleeping, or should be anyways, and all a medic would tell her is to get some rest.
quote:So what are the dimensions of the chunk that you removed?
Probably 3/4 on an inch long and 1/4 wide.
I have just thrown myself into a horrid coughing fit after laughing at the fact that I mentioned that I was cutting out the pamphlets because they had a full bleed.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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quote: So what are the dimensions of the chunk that you removed?
Shhh. She has to sleep.
I'm surprised that your companion was so calm. When I cut my finger there was lot of "OhmyGod"s from everyone except me.
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
I agree, but if Annie's still here she should tell us, I just looked at my own finger and did a little conical sections analysis in my head. How deep would it have to be before you advised stiches?
posted
Well, I'm not completely sure I understand what she did correctly. Did she just take off the end of a finger, or the pad of a finger or something? Wounds can be pretty shallow and still need stitches, but it all depends on where they are. I once whacked the back of a knuckle with a butcher knife and laid the joint open. Very shallow wound, but it never would have healed without stitches.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
I came back, but I did get in bed first! I can't fall asleep, but I'm at least resting.
The part I cut off was on the side of my fingertip,and very shallow. My boss asked me before I left if I needed stitches and I told him I didn't think so, because I didn't think you could stitch together big shallow things.
I think I'll see how it's doing when I change my bandage (I told my mom to bring some gauze and first aid tape when she comes this afternoon) and decide then. I'd really rather this not be a doctor's office thing since I have neither insurance nor $50.
Thanks for all the good vibes, though. I'm just going to chill out here for a while.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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How deep would it have to be before you advised stiches?
