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Yesterday, Valentines day, I stopped to get gas. As I was checking out a woman walked in talking loudly on her cell phone. "And I told him, its not that I want to sleep around, its that I'm tired of getting beat on. He said he'd check with his mother about the Anger Management classes..."
I thought what a sad Valentine's moment. I then pondered if it was a good moment for the woman, getting out of an abusive relationship, or a sad moment, realizing that she was in one.
It made me think of other less than stellar Valentines moments. I put some to rhyme.
Lets celebrate our love and life Lets party and lets live The lab tests have all come back And each is negative.
"I'll consumate our love" she said With a little wink and nudge "But if you hit me one more time I'm gonna see the judge."
I know you think I'm sexy I really love the ring But your a guy and so am I And that really ain't my thing.
Lets have fun, lets have laughs Be wild and outrageous My doctor reassured me dear That I'm not yet contagious
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I said I'll always love you You didn't have to wait But I know I'll dissapear When you set the date.
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I'll pluck a rose for you, my love, And rest it in your hair Tucked behind your ear, my love Next to my handprint there.
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Well, thank you for the chocolates And thanks for all that cash But she was not quite what I meant When I said "Take out the trash."
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I bought roses and chocolates On you I did not skimp I paid your bill, but get no thrill From tipping you new pimp.
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(Rex on Desperate Housewives to his prostitute)
The handcuffs felt so silky That leather was so black But when you stepped upon me I had a heart attack.
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I said when we were married That I'd love you until death But no one told me nothin' About old guys' real bad breath.
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For love I painted my toenails red For love I joined a gym For love I'll follow you as long You have more cash than him.
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Your makeup is impeachable Your stockings are just right But Harvey dear, I do fear That dress is just too tight.
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I am busting a gut here. I think we should start our own line of greeting cards. We have enough artists, and enough sick-minded poets. Let's do it!
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Fidelity is overrated And honesty just doesn't pay But marriage can't be all bad I'm starting my fifth today!
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You have my love, you have my joy My heart you surely got So do you mind if I add Man your sister's hot.
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On this day of love's true way Lets give our souls a whirl And tell me true, my darling do Have you ever kissed a girl?
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I'd love to be your Valentine, But it might be a tad funky; Though I love you, my mom objects 'Cause you're a signing monkey.
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It's not that I don't love you, I don't want you to be hurt; The reason I won't eat it is The sushi's a bit burnt.
---------------------------------- I took a strip-tease class for him, I'd not one thing left on, But he would not touch me and said, "Hon, wait 'till Star Trek's done".
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(That last one was inspired by Mil's Mailing List yesterday.)
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We dined upon paella While gazing at the sea. Alas! He never told me He'd a seafood allergy.
Now my love's dead and in his grave I'll ne'er see him again And all because I knew not That he had an Epi-Pen.
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Oh, dear my love, you truly shine, My Donner Party Valentine. But Ooops! What's this? Instead of pork, I find it's you upon my fork. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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My love, it seems, is part of me And really quite divine I'm sure it's plain for all to see I love this hand of mine
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We've seen all sorts of innocent poetry about menage a trois, same sex love, wife beating... I thought it high time that someone offered a tribute to their right or left hand man/woman.
Posts: 2022 | Registered: Mar 2004
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What is this thing called "Love" It churns my guts atwitter I'm puzzled why you donned a glove and why this OJ is so bitter.
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Ah, finally we've tied the knot A crowd of people cheers us Above the floor, my light feet trot As the hangman executes us
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I've heard of the V-day Massacre, The gangsters and all of that but I'd no idea shooting me's what you meant By "historical re-enactment"!
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Our love is pure. Our love is true. And money is so crass So take that old prenup of yours And stick it up your...
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As I lay me down to sleep I pray my lord your health to keep I pray for peace for all our sake I Pray the condom didn't break.
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Your eyes, your lips, your heart, your mind These parts of you I love In small jars of turpentine Kept on the shelf above.
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