posted
Well, in one week, I'll be part of the slaughterhouse, that SAT test. Yum. Well, in due course, I'm now pumping my energies into last minute study.
I'm quite concerned with the Essay. How should I go about it? Would people here be willing to look at a few of mine and rate them 1-6?
Any help appreciated ^^. (At a 2% rate).
Posts: 3060 | Registered: Nov 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
I've tutored for the SAT before (and I'm prepping for the GRE right now) - I'd be glad to look at it and give you some feedback.
Posts: 2409 | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Teshi, I'm pretty sure you don't know till you take it, but you can get some practice essays with similar subjects. I'm not totally sure about that one because when I took the SAT there was no essay.
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
"Never do today what you can do tommorow. Something may occur to make you regret your premature action."
Agree or disagree?
Procrastination is a foible. The enervating experience of staying up late to meet a deadline is a common one. Yet to justify this foible is remarkable. Action is the essence of success. It is only through facing problems in a due manner that progress can be made. The Battle of Boridno, the novel The Fence, and the PC company AstroBytes are all examples of the nature of temporizing, and expose it as a flaw, not a gift.
The Battle of Boridno was a decisive moment in the War of 1812 between Russian and France. For several weeks, the superior French forces had routed the Russian armies. They were quickly reaching Moscow. The Russians had to decide -- mount a firm defense, or pull back, wait, and strategize further. The general listened to his staff and concluded that the only course was to defend now. The defense was well organized and drained the French army of 35,000 soldiers. Had the Russian army continued to ponder and debate, the French would have continued their advance, unchecked. Action, not contemplation, was the right choice.
The famous Czech novel The Fence details the life of a noble with marital problems. The protagonist, Choten, is a voluble character, who sits and "debates" with his best friend as what to do. His friend constantly advises Choten to stop pondering the issue and confront his wife about what Choten suspects is infidelity. Choten, much like Hamlet, instead waits and thinks some more. During this indecision, his wife has stolen all his family jewlry, and has escaped to Morroco with her new lover, who is, importantly, a man of action. She leaves a message roughly saying, "Our love was pure, but you were a philosopher. Save your mind, for I will not endure it anymore."
The PC company AstroBytes faced difficulties in its early days. For one, it had no focus. It was only later that it would become a PC company. For another, it had little funding. David Katz, the founder, had two choices: form a plan and act on it promptly, or form a think-tank to contemplate the issue. David Katz, however, felt that his time was ephemeral, that he could not afford to wait. He felt intuitively that PCs were going to be a big field, so he acted, and started AstroBytes. I met him once and asked what he thought was the key component of his success. His reply: "That I didn't wait, that I acted."
The three examples of Boridno, The Fence, and AstroBytes illustrate the importance of not procrastinating. Action is what leads to success and changes the world, not delay.
--
Thanks in advance!
Posts: 3060 | Registered: Nov 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
My reaction, although I've never seen or written an on an essay question quite like this one:
First of all, in my experience, the question "agree or disagree" does not necessarily mean you have to totally agree or disagree. You may chose to agree with reservations, for example. In my mind, examining more than one facet of an argument is a strength when considering a question like this one. Right now, your thesis restating the question, but you should probably think about it more deeply. Perhaps consider if there is any examples you can think about when procrastination has been advantageous, and then consider the difference between the two situtations and include those ideas in your thesis.
quote:Procrastination is a foible. The enervating experience of staying up late to meet a deadline is a common one. Yet to justify this foible is remarkable.
These opening sentences, so important to the reader of the essay, make me go "huh?"- it seems more like a list of confusing cliches than an opening, especially the last sentence, which I assume you mean, "procrastination pays off". Write plainly. Your examiner will appreciate it.
quote:drained the French army of 35,000 soldiers.
This is odd phrasing. You meant that 35,000 soldiers were killed in the seige of Moscow by the defensive army. I would say what you mean rather than attempting to use more fancy phrasing that can be confusing.
quote: The famous Czech novel The Fence
This second paragraph has no introduction at all as does the third. (The first I think is okay because you have only just stated your argument). Each paragraph should begin with a sentence or two that explains how what you are about to say is important, e.g. "This theme can also be seen in literature such as the famous Czech novel [u]The Fence[/u]..."
If you can remember, you should name the author and the century in which it was written. Timing could add another facet to your argument- historically are the various attitudes towards this statement different?
quote:Choten, much like Hamlet
Don't throw in allusions like this without explaining further. At the very, very, least, name the author and the work in which the character you are mentioning appears. Making connections to further works is worth little if you do not explain how it is important or related.
quote:jewlry, and has escaped to Morroco
Two problems here: spelling (obviously, although this is less important), and a change in tense (present to "has gone"). This is bad writing that can be prevented by a quick read over.
quote:"Our love was pure, but you were a philosopher. Save your mind, for I will not endure it anymore."
Careful! Her it sounds very much like you are criticizing thought, not waiting. Along the same lines, you must explain any examples you use. Why is this statement important? It may seem obvious to you as you write it why it is but remember your examiner needs you to demonstrate clearly that you understand exactly what you are saying. The examiner cannot read your mind.
quote: The PC company AstroBytes faced difficulties in its early days. For one, it had no focus. It was only later that it would become a PC company. For another, it had little funding.
(Again with the introduction required thing). Also, this is a badly written introduction. You say that "AstroBytes", a "PC" company, was not initially a PC company, and it was not even AstroBytes. Instead of needlessly circling around the issue, begin your exposition and any background required with confidence and detail- use a catchall word if necessary.
"In <insert date here>, David Katz was the founder of a struggling <insert word here> company.
quote:form a plan and act on it promptly, or form a think-tank to contemplate the issue.
More Detail! When did this happen? What were the time differences between the "formation of a plan" and the "formation of a think tank"? The real argument appears to be that this David Katz was an entrepreneur in his field- he pre-empted the technical boom and acted upon it. Focus on the argument. Organise your thoughts and go right for the heart of the issue.
quote:felt that his time was ephemeral
First of all, the fact that time is ephemeral is the wrong statement for this. Second of all it appears to a reader like you're trying to use 'collasal units of speech', something you should NEVER DO, especially if you're usure of the meaning. Thirdly, this phrase is irrelevent, the sentence is much better if it is missed out "David Katz felt that he could not afford to wait." Succint. Clean. Clear. This is not the time to be a poet.
quote: I met him once and asked what he thought was the key component of his success. His reply: "That I didn't wait, that I acted."
"I met him once" is not a valid essay statement! Be coy: "When asked about the key his success, David Katz replied "<insert quote here>."
quote: The three examples of Boridno, The Fence, and AstroBytes illustrate the importance of not procrastinating.
Conclusions are my least favourite part of essay writing. I never, ever know what to write.
When ending an essay such as this you should probably refer directly to the wording of your thesis. If you used the word "procratinating" in the thesis, use that in the closing etc.
You could also be a little bit more specific about the examples, "the battles at Boridno", the "case of Chento's wife"... etc.
quote:Action is what leads to success and changes the world, not delay.
It's okay to end with a cliche, but do not throw it in randomly. Make sure your point is fully explained before ending with your simple point.
I cannot give this a mark without knowing what is expected but I would not expect this to be too well recieved- the thesis is far too simplistic, the writing suffers in places and the examples are poorly explained.
However, I am impressed that you have to answer questions as ephemeral ( ) as this one. If you get one like this that you can possibly related to a philosopher, you should do that, as opposed to just giving examples of the idea in action.
Explore more deeply would be my overall advice.
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Very interesting feedback! Thank you -- I hope you will be willing to look at another attempt in a day or two? Have to get myself up to snuff in this week -- I know I can get an 800 on the math; now just have to make my writing score pull its weight.
Posts: 3060 | Registered: Nov 2003
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by breyerchic04: Teshi, I'm pretty sure you don't know till you take it, but you can get some practice essays with similar subjects. I'm not totally sure about that one because when I took the SAT there was no essay.
This is most probably the SAT II he is talking about. Myself, I got near an 800 on this part of the Sat II, which saved my overall score, because the math was bad. I also got a 5 on the lit. AP, so I definetly know how to write a standardized test essay.
The problem is that on the SAT, the questions are always deliberately vague and annoying, and they invite the test taker to wishy washy generalities which bog down the writing. The only important part of the test is the writing, so the best strategy to follow is to come up with an unnexpected way of looking at the question.
Reafirming the thesis statement is a BAD idea, you should almost always disagree with any "agree disagree" statement. This is merely because your opinions are not at issue on the test, but only your ability to be clear and write well. Agreeing with the statement is less helpful in this way, at least in my own experience.
Edit to add: You may tell me, "but Orin, I AGREE with the statment!" No your don't. Find a reason why you don't. This will be easy, because the SAT prompts are always vague and easy to pick apart either way. Your more interesting essay is as likely to play devil's advocate. Your not changing the world, your just expressing something.
I learned an interesting thing from my AP teacher about these tests. He was a grader for the AP, and so he had to read around 1,200 essays on the same topic. Your SAT reader will do that or more, so the trick is to distinguish yourself from the crowd. Believe it or not, students are much more likely to agree with the statement prompt, so not agreeing with it may set you apart at the outset. Also, IMO, agreeing with the prompt is just going ot lead you down a boring path, and the best way to snag a good score is to be interested in your writing as you write it. If you are agreeing with someone else, your writing is not going to be as focused and interesting.
Ps. Phanto- DO NOT MENTION HAMLET EVER EVER EVER EVER!!!
Although Hamlet is great, there are very good reasons why it is not to be used on AP and SAT tests. In their junior and senior years, thousands of classrooms and millions of students study Hamlet as a source for use on the AP and SAT. This means that there will be MILLIONS of references to Hamlet in these essays. This means that your reader, who has likely read over 1,000 essays on the same topic, has also seen hundreds of Hamlet references. This will make your essay seem boring and unoriginal. And besides this, Hamlet contains so much of the archetypes for characters and moral arguments in English literature, that to invoke Hamlet is effectively meaningless; like invoking WWII or slavery, or the bible in your argument. Its been done so many times and in so many ways, that it may have lost meaning for your audience.
posted
It's not the SAT II. They just added the essay to the SAT I last year, for the first time. Scores are now out of 2400, instead of 1600. Weird, huh?
Also, my guess is grading on these is finicky. They're graded by computer, which means things like using big fancy words count but simple sentence structure and clarity might matter less. I'd have to take a look at a Princeton Review guide for taking the test, but that would be my guess.
Posts: 1784 | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
I'm pretty sure they are graded by hand, I remember hearing that when they started the essay thing, which luckily was about six months after I took the SAT.
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
If this is true, America is in a sorry state indeed. I find it had to believe, though. No one would ever think that you could grade an essay with a computer.
quote:you should almost always disagree with any "agree disagree" statement.
Ironically, I disagree strongly with this. You must chose the answer for which your brain supplies the most evidence. If that is an agree, it is an agree. I should restate my own idea. Neither agree nor disagree but provide information that delves into the grey area of the question.
quote:and the best way to snag a good score
There is no hard and fast way to "trick" your way into getting a good mark on an essay. It's not like the multiple choice section. A good essay is interesting, informative and looks at the issue in a way that hasn't been done before.
quote:like invoking WWII or slavery, or the bible in your argument. Its been done so many times and in so many ways, that it may have lost meaning for your audience.
Again, I disagree. Although I can see the wisdom, of course, in dealing with rarer sources rather than common ones, the real point is not what you use as evidence, but how you use it. If Hamlet, or World War II or I, or Slavery gives you the perspective you require to make this essay work, by all means do not be afraid. The point is that you have something interesting to say about it.
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Kasie H: I'm almost postive they are, yeah. Most state exams grade essay by computer.
No way, the essays on the SAT II were read by a person, there is NO WAY a computer can grade a handwritten essay. No way on earth.
Posts: 9912 | Registered: Nov 2005
| IP: Logged |
There is no hard and fast way to "trick" your way into getting a good mark on an essay. It's not like the multiple choice section. A good essay is interesting, informative and looks at the issue in a way that hasn't been done before.
quote:like invoking WWII or slavery, or the bible in your argument. Its been done so many times and in so many ways, that it may have lost meaning for your audience.
Again, I disagree. Although I can see the wisdom, of course, in dealing with rarer sources rather than common ones, the real point is not what you use as evidence, but how you use it. If Hamlet, or World War II or I, or Slavery gives you the perspective you require to make this essay work, by all means do not be afraid. The point is that you have something interesting to say about it.
I think I avoided "trick" in my first point, but I actually think its a valid word. This isn't a trick to get a good grade, its a trick to writing effectively in this situation. This will lead to a good grade. There are tricks to getting yourself to think and write effectively on demand, and disagreeing with a prompt (even if you personally agree with it) is one way of getting yourself to think and write more clearly and interestingly. Pick any thesis statment, and try writing against the obvious answer... this will most likely lead you to a deeper understanding, which comes across in your essay every time.
As for mentioning Hamlet, Slavery, or WWII. My advice is on two levels. First, the reader is going to have delved through countless good and bad essays which delt with these topics in many ways. I wouldn't personally want to be one of hundreds or probably thousands of people who write about the same thing, because this muddies the difference between my ideas and theirs.
Second, the same problem occurs in the mind of the writer. I think of all the editiorials printed in my college paper, and the worst of them deal with time-honored op-ed schlock. "Whats the deal with pre-marital sex?" "What's the deal with Cars?" "Whats the deal with racism?" These may be worthy topics, but they also inspire a lugubriousness in the writing of the op-ed staff which aspires to a bland, depressing kind of metiocrity.
Again, the topics may be apros pos and interesting, but we have been so drowned in view and information and rhetoric on these popular topics, that any short essay we include them in will lose clarity in our own creative process.
The problem as I see it is that the invocation of Hamlet, or WWII or Racism, or whatever huge topic is likely to call to mind a random image and feeling from the writer. The reader will not be privey to this particular feeling and image because the topic has been too generalized to be clear. Thus you will invoke something unintended in the reader's mind, or a slew of unintended ideas, and your hold over the essay and the reader will be weak indeed.
Teshi, you are full of caring understanding, but I don't think that attitude is going to help Phanto in his quest for the perfect essay. I am really just trying to tell Phanto what I think is going to make him an effective writer in this milleu (as worthy as it may not be).
Posts: 9912 | Registered: Nov 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
HOW you refer to something like this is FAR more important than what you write about.
Agree, disagree...doesn't matter at all. Do what you feel you can do best. If you find a ton of reasons to agree, write about them.
Avoid cliches like the plague, they are almost always a death trap in any essay. Other than obvious lack of sentence structure there is no way to lower a grade faster than to use cliches.
It is far better to write about something you care about, if given the choice, than to regurgitate slop you think they would like to hear. Pick whichever side motivates you the most, and try to put some personal perspective on the subject matter.
That is what I have always done, and I have always scored in the top 8% in writing, and more often than not I got perfect scores on essays.
As a side note, I got 2 4's on AP tests before you were out of elementary school. And the reasons they weren't 5's had nothing to do with my essays. Posts: 15082 | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged |
Kwea, the thing is the questions on the SAT are not like the APs. The questions I remember (at least from SAT II) are not the kind you feel strongly about either way. They are the kind which invite you to do all kinds of boring and stupid things in your essay, like shove in a bunch of cliches crap, and mention Hamlet and Martin Luther King and Abraham Lincoln. My point is, don't do these things and you will be one step ahead of those who do. Your writing will also be safe from references to anything so vague and impenetrable as these topics are (especially in a short essay).
It really IS very important that you not write about things which cause you to write badly. This is the point which has so far been ignored, but its the only reason I give this advice.
Ps. My teacher the AP reader told me that in all the essays he read (something like 1200-2000 I can't remember) he gave less than 10 "9" grades and around 20 "8" grades if I remember correctly. You need to have at least two 8s, or one 9 to get a 5 on the AP (if memory serves). This means my essays were in the top 1% at least... Not that I'm bragging... no I am. Posts: 9912 | Registered: Nov 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Good luck on the SATs! They were are long--remember to bring a snack and drink. Here's what I remember about the SAT essay:
I took the SATII Writing and ended up getting a perfect score on the essay. Our topic was to talk about if immigrants could assimilate to the United States, or something equally dumb. What I did was talk about my grandfather's success story in your typical 5 paragraph format: Intro with Thesis (for me, Yes they can be successful), Body Paragraph 1, 2, 3, (3 points), and then conclusion which summarized and alluded to a broader point. Basically, nothing different than they taught us in high school--don't be flowery and use a strong organization. Write out an outline ahead of time as that will keep you focused.
Also, I talked about Hamlet on my AP Eng Lit essay and did just fine. But the AP English tests are different as they expect you to be of a certain level and they assign numbers based on a bell curve; the SAT essays are meant to measure everyone by a designed rubric so I don't think the same advice applies.
EDIT: I would give your essay a 5. Your sense of organization is good and you know how to make points and conclude, but your introduction was weak. Try to write plainly and simply and introduce your claim as if it is an argument: while people believe putting things off is good because of X, the truth is procrastination is Y. You did that, but it wasn't 100% clear that you weren't just explaining a truth. I liked that you picked broad ranging examples, although it would have been better to introduce them more generally like "within war, literature...procrastination is not rewarded...here are specific examples". You just kind of jump into the 3. Hope this is helpful!
Posts: 484 | Registered: Feb 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
My point is that there are MANY different ways to write essays, all of them right...and I was aware of how to get high marks on essays before you were done with the alphabet.
I do think it is usually a good idea to avoid mentioning WWII, slavery, and other topics and comparisons that are overdone....but if a topic is clearly related to one of those, mentioning it doesn't mean you will score poorly.
I know people who grade these type of tests for a living as well, and they have always told me that How you write about something is far more important on these standard tests than which side of the argument you choose to defend.
quote:Teshi, you are full of caring understanding... I am really just trying to tell Phanto what I think is going to make him an effective writer in this milleu
I think you misunderstand my motives. I'm not trying to protect Phanto with my fuzzy cuddly-bear caring, I'm actually saying what I think about the art of essay-writing in general and this essay in particular regardless of whether it agrees or disagrees with what you or Phanto or anyone else says.
Not everyone disagrees because it looks good, Orincoro.
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Phanto, why don't you go to a bookstore and browse a few SAT essay advice books? I'm sure they will show examples of what makes the difference between a 5 and 6, which is pretty much where you stand.
Posts: 484 | Registered: Feb 2006
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
) as this one. If you get one like this that you can possibly related to a philosopher, you should do that, as opposed to just giving examples of the idea in action.![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
And the reasons they weren't 5's had nothing to do with my essays. ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
Not that I'm bragging... no I am. 
