posted
Taalcon, Katherina, Hobbes, Fugu, T_Smith, Zevlag, and myself went to Walmart in the wee hours of this morning this morning, bent on destruction. You know those lists of 50 things to do at Walmart to annoy/confuse/anger the employees, or whatever they're called? Well, we did them.
Some of the ones I can remember offhand:
Hobbes and I took some plastic pots and started walking around the store playing annoying music by beating on the pots.
Katherina got into a shopping cart, and Hobbes and I began racing her around the store.
I asked a customer if my socks made me look fat.
Dave, Katherina, and Myself took some wrapping paper and had a swordfight
Pillow fight. 'Nuff said.
I grabbed some wooden letters and spelled out POOP on the floor, then Katherina went to find an employee and told him there was a mess in that aisle.
I went up to an empoyee and asked if they had any memes. "What?" She asked. "Memes." "What are memes?" "Hm. Well, they're kind of red and irregularly shaped." "Um, what do they do?" "Well, I'm not really sure. It's just on my list of stuff to get," She called over another employee, and they both tried to think of what they were. "Are you sure you don't know what it does." "Nope. Sorry." They called over a third employee, and the three of them tried to figure it out, and finally said that they thought someone was trying to pull my leg. I shrugged and began to walk away. After a few seconds, I turned around and asked, "Oh, also, do you have any condoms?" The woman said "Yeah, over in the pharmacy section. I DO know what THOSE are."
I went to the pharmacy section and grabbed two different brands of condoms, then walk back to the woman. "Um...I'm kind of embarrassed to ask this..." She sees the condoms and says, "Honey, I'm old. I've seen it all." "Well, do you know which kind of these are better?" "Hm. Well, what are you looking for in it?" "Um...I guess pleasure." "For the man or the woman?" "Uh, both, I guess." The woman saw Katherina run into an aisle behind me and laughed saying, "Oh, is that your girlfriend running away?" She continued, "Well, ok. What about which is better for protection." "I really don't care that much about protection." I answered. "Oh. Well, um, I guess these are the best then." "Are you sure? Have you ever used them?" (Uncomfortably) "Um, no. Can't say that I have." "Ok. Well thanks for your help." "Sure."
Dave found out that you can buy good friends at Walmart.
We set the alarm clocks so that the first one would go off twenty minutes from when they were set, and a new one would go off every five minutes after.
I bought a small pack of condoms, and when the cashier woman was ringing it up, I began winking at her a lot. "These are good ones, right?" "I wouldn't know." "Do you have any friends my age?" "Um, no." "Oh. ok. Well, i guess it's a good thing that I'm buying these condoms." "Yeah. Better safe than sorry." (Making a sexual gesture) "Ooooh yeaaah!" She laughed and I thanked her for selling me some condoms.
quote:I grabbed some wooden letters and spelled out POOP on the floor, then Katherina went to find an employee and told him there was a mess in that aisle.
posted
Anything with condoms is immediately funny. Unless it's your wife cheating on you with her yoga instructor. Then it loses its charm.
Two of my less sane friends tried something recently. One of them would dress up in a straight jacket and run around a randomly chosen store screaming. The other one would tape and time it with a video camera. Then they'd get thrown out. Then they'd go to the next store and try it again.
The general gist was to see which store would have the fastest time for throwing out a crazy man. I don't know why they weren't arrested.
Another thing these two taped was them attempting to back through the drive thru at Jack in the Box. The cashier did not approve and said they had to come through front first or not at all. They agreed to do so and just left.
Can't go back to that Jack in the Box. Not ever.
BTW, how old are you guys? Seriously.
[ January 19, 2004, 09:15 PM: Message edited by: Book ]
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posted
What stands out most in my mind of that night is that on the way home, we all starting singin "Yellow Submarine" in the car
Posts: 9754 | Registered: Jul 2002
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you couldn't have done wal-mart a day earlier? Maybe if you had, i could have saved my self the humility of being spanked at MY game of choice, Scrabble.
Posts: 1572 | Registered: Jan 2004
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i hope karma repays you tenfold for the alarmclock bit. the rest are pretty amusing, but that one is just mean.
Posts: 3956 | Registered: Jun 2001
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My favorite saw friends of mine hollow out watermelons which they promptly cut eye-holes in as well as slits to slide sunglasses through. The then put these sunglasses-wearing-watermelons on their heads and went down to the supermarket and wept for the loss of their brothers.
Posts: 3243 | Registered: Apr 2002
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The alarmclock bit was fine -- they're hooked up to three power strips, and alarm clock's memories reset themselves after a few minutes.
So three flicks, a bit of a wait while doing something else, and then another three flicks, and everything is back to fine.
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Noah failed to mention that on the way back, he evidently put the condoms on his fingers and touched his friends with floppy latex fingers. In his defense, I don't think he slept all weekend. He had a box of NO-Doze, and left only two pills behind. So he was the sleep-deprivation equivalent of really, really drunk.
It was, if nothing else, extremely entertaining.
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you knowing that vs. the average walmart employee working that shift is not the same thing at all, fugu. it's just plain mean.
Posts: 3956 | Registered: Jun 2001
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The power strips were lying right behind the alarms. At the very least, the alarms wouldn't be bothering anyone beyond the first time.
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Also, after I bought the condoms, I opened one up and actually managed to fit it over my head.
Posts: 1934 | Registered: Jun 2001
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I went to WalMart tonight... long story actually, one that doesn't involve be going inside, much less wearing a plastic plant pot as a hat. I miss WenchCon.
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lol, I got yelled at in a drive through once because we started making siren noises...and then the people in front and behind us started doing the same. Finally the yelled over the intercom "COULD YOU ALL PLEASE STOP THAT NOISE"
It would not have been as funny if it were just us...but the fact that we got a couple cars full of strangers to imitate us made it very amusing.
Of course there is always the ever popular riding your bike through the drive through. Sometimes they will serve you...sometimes they won't...but they will always look at you like you are a nut.
Posts: 1901 | Registered: May 2004
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Try it on rollerblades. My hubby and I did that when we were dating. Even though we were in our young 20's, we looked like we were 14.
Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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My brother borrowed a Walmart vest from a friend once and walked into a Kmart. He brought and went around writing down various prices near all various places he found employees. SOmetimes, he would laugh and shake his head. He was there doing this for over 30 minutes and no one said anything.
He then went to a Target store and got thrown out in less than five minutes.
Posts: 279 | Registered: May 2004
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Does anyone else think (with tht exception of the racing cart and condemns) that this was kinda of prickish? Some stressed out person is working real late away from family for probably less then $8 dollars and hour and has to put up with that? Sorry, I wasn't very impressed...except for the old lady bit. I did laugh over that.
Posts: 1034 | Registered: Mar 2004
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actually I worked at a grocery store for about 6 years...we actually liked people who did wacky stuff because 1) It broke up a day full of doing the same thing over and over again 2) It gave us good stories to tell.
Posts: 1901 | Registered: May 2004
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Yeah, personally I would think as long as you're in on the joke and they're not lording themselves over you, which the meme trick seemed to do a little bit, that it would be entertainment.
Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003
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I believe I met some Wal-Mart employees wanting retribution the other day, as they misdirected my roomate and I, who were looking for some tuna. We approached a group of store clerks with the simple question "Do you know where the tuna is?"
Store Clerk #1: It's in the fruit section.
Store Clerk #2: Wait, Tuna isn't wheat!
We eventually found the tuna, which wasn't in the fruit or wheat sections, for that matter.
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