posted
My father in law died today. He had lung cancer which had metastasized to the liver, and his condition had been deteriorating rapidly since November.
For him, this is a good thing - he was in extreme pain and was on such strong painkillers he was barely awake eight hours a day, and was completely bedridden.
My husband and his family will need prayers, of course, but I have a specific request.
Please pray for strength for me. I did not handle Christmas down there very well, being around the hospital equipment just brought back so many memories of the last days of my grandfather's life. I was on the verge of panic attacks several times and had to leave the house, and had crying fits at night.
I need to be strong and be there for my husband, the last thing he needs is a wife suffering panic attacks while he's trying to grieve his Dad and support his Mom.
I'm terrified of the funeral. And I know that I'm only making things worse by anticipating. Wes is leaving today, and I'm following with the kids tomorrow or Friday, depending on the arrangements.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
Belle, it's going to be alright. Relax, there is no reason to panic. One foot in front of the other and take the hand of your husband -- to steady yourself and to steady him.
Posts: 2848 | Registered: Feb 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers, Belle.
I'm so sorry. My grandmother passed away the week before Christmas, but she was 93 and not attached to a bazillion tubes and such. Her kidneys had been deteriorating since late summer, so we knew her time was short. She had a very full life, and for her, old age had been in many ways kinder than her youth. Still, it was a very hard loss for my mother and aunts. It didn't matter that we'd known for a while it was coming, even that the end was very close. They still miss her.
I will pray for your well being, and that the events of the coming weeks will go as smoothly as possible. That you all feel a distinct sense of comfort. (((Belle)))
Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
You are in my thoughts. You are in my prayers.
Put in your mind the number of hours until its all over, and remember how short an hour really is. Sure it may seem long, but by next week it will be a fading memory.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
((((((((((Belle)))))))))) I will think about you and pray for you. You're a wonderful person and an important part of Hatrack life, and a lot of people care for you. Posts: 3526 | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
Oh, Belle - hang in there. Panic attacks are no darn fun. Deep breaths, yes. Butterfly hugs (cross arms over chest to shoulders and alternate gentle taps). Count corners (on a scale of 1-10, how anxious are you before you begin counting, count aloud as you touch each corner - you'd be surprised how many there are - if you are still above a 4 after counting 50 corners - aloud - count to 50 again. This really works.)
posted
Corners of what, Shan? That suggestion intrigued me -- I've never tried anything other than deep breaths and similar relaxation exercises.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
(((((Belle))))) I am so sorry to hear that! Hang in there, everything's gonna be ok, and it's good to see you again, I missed you! *hugs* Poor Belle, I'm so sorry!! Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Count the corners on anything, rivka. Where doorframes come together, walls, bricks, picture frames, etc. They don't have to be perpindicular corners, either.
Three breaths or so in a paper bag works, too.
Read Shakespeare's siloquies (sp) aloud in a calm, measured voice.
I learned all this stuff the hard way after finding my grandfather on Mother's Day with a hole through his head. Self-imposed, as it were. The panic attacks were intense, lasted for hours and I thought I would die. Even thinking back to it raises some of the same feelings, and that was almost two years ago now.
But these exercises worked. Thank heavens.
Sorry, Belle - didn't mean to dump. But these are good ways of dealing with panic (at least for me). The only other thing I can suggest is meicinal - low doses of lorazepam helps, too. Very short term usage, while learning to use the calming techniques.
Some other things I tried were very ritualistic. A blend of Native American smudging/cleansing and Christian blessing.
There's no easy answer. But it feels way worse in the middle of it, I know.
I was getting worried; when I first came to Hatrack you were posting a lot and now you've sort of dissappeared. I'm sorry it took a loss to bring you back here and you and your family are in my thoughts.
Posts: 3420 | Registered: Jun 2002
| IP: Logged |
I am so sorry for your family's loss. Please know that you are all in my thoughts.
As for your panic attacks, I like the counting corners suggestion, but perhaps you could also carry a small memento or stone of some kind in your pocket or purse. Each time you feel an attack coming on, you could hold on to it. I don't know if it'll work, but it may just keep your mind focused.
And, I know that you have great strength. You just need somebody to remind you. (That's what we're here for.)
posted
Hey guys, thanks so much for the thoughts and prayers.
Things went as well as can be expected. I did really well, not breaking down or hyperventilating. My oldest daughter had a really rough time, and my son had tons of questions that were hard to answer.
I just kept myself focused on my husband and kids, and didn't allow myself to even think about or dwell upon my own grief. Naturally, parts of the funeral message reminded me of the previous funeral and I cried, but all in all nothing really bad happened.
I'm glad it's over. Wes is doing okay, he and I talked for a long time the other night about his childhood memories of all the things his Dad did with him. He was a very involved, caring father. Wes had a good role model.
Thanks again, hatrackers are the best. Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged |
I also wish I'd caught this sooner, though. You and your family have my prayers and will be in my thoughts.
Posts: 1548 | Registered: Aug 2002
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Group Hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
Hang in there, everything's gonna be ok, and it's good to see you again, I missed you! *hugs* Poor Belle, I'm so sorry!! ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Taunt]](graemlins/taunt.gif)
