posted
So I heat up my little frozen lunch bowl, get it all stirred up and seasoned just right, and start heading back to my desk with it. I lose my grip; the bowl starts to tip. Time slows down as I watch my bowl flip over (splashing contents onto the refrigerator and floor), before landing on the floor, right side up. Luckilly, it still had about half my food in it, but now the other half was splashed in a 3 foot square on the floor. I groan and sigh. Mike (my co-worker) and I laugh and I go to retrieve paper towels and a mop. After cleaning up the mess (with my lunch now sufficiently cold), I start heading back to my desk, while Mike starts assembling his lunch (those little oatmeal packets). "No!!!" he yells at his little packets. They are filled with creepy crawlies of several varieties. Of course, they occupy the flavored packets, so he is left eating plain oatmeal.
I just don't get it! What have we done to offend the Gods of Lunch?
posted
Lunchables are evil - just watch the commercials. "Look, my mommy loves me because instead of spending time make me my lunch, she just bought this awful piece of crap for me to eat today!"
Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
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posted
Perhaps the Lunch Gods are also displeased by little frozen lunch bowls and packets of oatmeal.
Me, I always take leftovers for lunch. The Lunch Gods seem to like such offerings.
However, I'm certain that the Lunch Gods definitely disapprove of microwaved popcorn for lunch. The smell that ascends to heaven from the creation of such unholiness offends them.
Posts: 3423 | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
That must be it - the popcorn I sometimes eat for lunch.
I, too, prefer to eat leftovers for lunch, but since there were no leftovers to eat today, I was stuck with frozen lunch thingies....
Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
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posted
Oatmeal for lunch? No wonder the Lunch Gods were angry. THAT IS BLASPHEMOUS BREAKFAST FOOD!!!!
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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I bet that if my head didn't hurt so much, it wouldn't be such a big deal, but this whole lunch thing has seriously ruined my day. Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
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posted
When I was younger, I worked at a fast food place that sold bierocks (strange though that may sound). One of my duties each night was to clean the grease off the wall behind the grill, fryers, and prep table. Almost invariably, we'd get a rush of customers just after I'd pulled everything clear of the wall, which was an enormous pain in the ass. I decided that moving the stuff must be offensive to the Wall God, so I made up an incantation of some sort, annointed a knife with the holy fryer oil, and sacrificed a bierock by cutting it open and smearing it all over the wall. Amazingly, it worked. Repeatedly. Night after night. No sacrifice--rush. Sacrifice--blessed quiet while I worked.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
I've never sacrificed to the Lunch Gods. I've sacrificed to the Porcelain God before. Does that count for anything?
Posts: 221 | Registered: Mar 2003
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You just may have a point CT. Keep in mind that I would basically appear to have been speaking in tongues while doing this.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
...of course, that doesn't explain the slowness of the drive through after sacrifices (unless they somehow saw me through an open back door or something).
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
I know it's not lunchtime for anyone else, but my MWF schedule requires me to wait until I get home at 3:00 to have comida. So now, since cooking something would entail spending time away from the computer, I am eating a big bowl of radishes. They're really good, but I don't think anyone's going to want to kiss me for a couple weeks.
Another lunch story:
So today, I get to my 1:00 class, French grammar, and am greeted wholeheartedly by Pascal, dreamier-than-pillows French boy. I've never had the guts to talk to Pascal before, I normally just shoot knowing glances his way. So of course I am unprepared when, as soon as I walk in, he starts conversing with me in French. "As-tu un bon dejuner?" "Um... oui!" "Qu'est-ce que tu as mange?" What did I eat?!?! Crap, what did I eat? Did I eat lunch? I can't remember how to speak French! So I think of the two hardest things to pronouce: "Uh... du riz. Et des pois." "Pois?" he looks at me quizzically. I frantically try to explain "peas" in French. Zut! Did I use the wrong word? You know - little green. Things. That grow in the garden. I finally spell it out. "Ah!" he says, "des petits pois." Ah. Oui. Petits pois. Now it's my turn to say something witty. Dang! Too late - he's conversing happily with Amanda. Stop flirting with him, Amanda! I do recover a bit, and butt into the conversation. We are all giving him strange looks after he says something off the wall, and I say, "bizarre. Qu'est-ce que tu as mange?" That's funny, right? What did you have for lunch. (with the expressionistic eyebrows) He takes the bait, and we talk animatedly about his lunch. He makes me translate everything in his salad into French. Apples? Pommes! Walnuts? Noix! Spinach? Epinards! I'm smoking through these! Look at me - miss French food vocabulary girl! Yeah! Take that, Amanda! He's being vague about a word that none of us understand. I pull out my sarcastic voice. "Oh! C'est un mystere!" (I'm getting progressively louder) "Le dejuner de Pascal - qui peut le comprendre?" And in that awkward everyone-else-just-got-silent voice, I proclaim this last sarcastic remark as the professor walks into the room. Everyone looks at me. Now I'm no longer fun witty girl; I've become awkward loud girl. Amanda whispers something to Pascal.
I wondered the same thing. Apparently, they are these meat filled pastries. Here's a link from the Google Gods who are much more forgiving than the Lunch Gods in my opinion: Bierock.
This is why I always appease the Lunch Gods with salt and keep the pepper for myself.
Posts: 822 | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
The Lunch Gods constantly take vengeful whacks at my lunch. My sandwiches fall apart, spilling contents everywhere. My soup explodes and covers my math book in gunk. (No, the teachers did not like that, and yes I had to pay a fine. I told them it was juice... it had gone pink...)
The Lunch Gods obviously have a personal vendetta (can I use that word?) with me...
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
The funniest lunch god revenge that I've ever seen was when a grad student couldn't find something to put his soup in and so he put it in a styrofoam coffee cup. He set the microwave on for about three minutes and walked away. The soup consequently exploded, tore/melted the cup and proceeded to leak out of the microwave in a waterfall like display!
Posts: 1777 | Registered: Jan 2003
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My old Chinese roommate was at her office during her first week as a grad student. She never talked much with the others in the office, but was trying to be friendly and needed to practice her English. One of the guys walked by her desk to put his lunch in the nearby microwave, and a few minutes later she could smell it and it was quite a nice aroma. She walked over to the guy's desk. "Is that your food in the microwave oven?" she asked "Yeah," he replied. "It's delicious!" (meaning the aroma was delicious, she assumed) "You TASTED it?!?!"
Poor thing - she was quite confused for quite sometime and had to explain that it only smelled delicious.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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posted
Ha, I've got you all beat. I'm suffer from Gluten Sensitive Enteropathy and so I can't eat anything containg even a trace of wheat, rye or barley. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find lunch (or breakfast for that matter) without any wheat, rye or barley in it?
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
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Noemon, duh. That's because there wasn't anyone working the drivethrough.
I'm guessing you scared away the help, too. Either that, or the help that was left was watching you very, very attentively. Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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Lunch gods are well known among the Lares and Penates. There are lots of these including the gods of plumbing and of air conditioning and so on. Hindu philosophy has room for all these gods, which are known as demi-gods. The main thing we do to anger these gods is not to give them their due homage. For instance, if you just take plumbing for granted year after year, and are never grateful for it and never acknowledge the great blessings which the plumbing gods bestow upon ye, then you will get a stopped up drain and your toilets will overflow. This happened to me. Then after you call the plumbing god's acolyte in to practice various arcane arts pertaining to his craft, you work out your penance scrubbing floors, and you are given a new appreciation for the plumbing gods. It's best to sing a little song of gratitude every few days, or say a silent prayer with each flush, to prevent this ever happening to you. The other thing that could happen is you could get a job in Iraq where there is no functioning plumbing and end up having to use latrines for years at a time.
Posts: 2843 | Registered: A Long Time Ago!
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Rabbit - Sounds about as much fun as my mother trying to find food to eat without any wheat, barley, rice, rye, soy, and the list goes on.....
Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
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quote: Apples? Pommes! Walnuts? Noix! Spinach? Epinards! I'm smoking through these! Look at me - miss French food vocabulary girl! Yeah! Take that, Amanda!
Annie
Noemon, I've worked in many restaurants, and I can totally relate. I never thought of sacrificing, though. Well, maybe some managers...
Posts: 6316 | Registered: Jun 2003
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posted
hehehe - Annie is a French food dictionary. Too bad she is also a bad bellydancing example - better add some zills to that alter... Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
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In my high school, the lunchladies used rinsed and drained canned sauerkraut instead of cabbage. The called them Krautburgers. I think I was the only person who ever ate them.
Posts: 1379 | Registered: Feb 2002
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