Rivka: 70 ½ Saxon75: 63 Sarcasticmuppet: 59 ½ Eslaine: 53 ½ Jeniwren: 40 Noemon: 39 ½ Christy: 37 Celia: 36 Ophelia: 29 Advice for Robots: 27 Deirdre: 25 Morbo: 20 ½ Ryuko: 20 Teshi: 18 Caleb: 16 Belle: 16 Mackillian: 15½ Irami: 15 Sopwith: 15 Annie: 13 Dan Raven 11 ½ Tom Davidson: 10 ½ Fugu: 10 Twinky: 10 Scott R: 8 Leonide: 8 Nick: 8 T Smith: 7 ½ Hobbes: 7 BannaOJ: 6 Katharina: 6 Jon Boy: 5 Human 4½ esl: 4 ½ Ethics Gradient: 4 ½ Enjeeo: 4 ½ Fitz: 3 Brinestone: 3 Beren One Hand: 2 Jaiden: 2 Blacwolve: 2 GreNME: 2 Icarus: 2 Emperor Palpatine: 2 Tristan: 2 ClaudiaTherese: 2 Locke: 2 Kayla 1½ Papa Moose: 1 Filetted: 1 Kwsni: 1 Pooka: ½ Punchdrunk: ½
Five points for a correct guess with either rationale for the guess or a critique of the story Two points for any guess with a critique One point for any guess with a rationale An icy stare for a guess with neither critique nor rationale
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
This is difficult to critique because it's dialogue, except for the last line, which somewhat, but not completely, explains the preceeding lines. It does keep you guessing, but perhaps a little too much to involve you. If there were more of the passage it might be easier to picture, but right now my people are floating in a nothingness world with some sort of control panel in front of them.
posted
This is intriguing. The dialogue flows fairly well, but a bit more information about who is speaking would be helpful. Unless that information was provided earlier -- or perhaps we're not supposed to know that yet?
posted
cryogenics seems to be a general term for the freezing/thawing process. they are probably refering to the rate of change of temperature, which is pretty important in both processes if you want to preserve the tissue. it isn't the best wording as it sounds like the freezing process, but the rest of the dialog sounds like the thawing process.
quote:“Major, let me remind that I have strict orders to… remove those that try an oppose activating…. the subject.”
There's got to be a better way of indicating hesitation in speech. Honestly, this feels like a bad 80's sci-fi flick so far.
quote:“Watch your tone with a superior officer”
I need SOOO much more character information. Dialogue is an opportunity for attitude to come out-- what is the difference between the two speakers? None, except for rank, which the reader doesn't even care about, because there is nothing given to us to make us WANT to be interested in these people.
I'm guessing someone young. . . and someone who is relatively new to the forum.
posted
Like eslaine said, this seems to have been jotted down rather quickly. There doesn't seem to be much flow to the dialogue, it seems kind of stilted/B-movie-ish. I also wonder why they would have a character say "it can destroy the planet in .1 of a second". Shouldn't that be "1 tenth of a second"? Would anyone actually say "point 1 of a second"?
I would think that the writer is young, inexperienced, and not terribly familiar with engineering (the ".1" remark and the cryogenics discussion). Flyby?
Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
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posted
i would say point one seconds, depending on the situation at hand. noem, that or celia has frozen cells and studied cryogenic protocals on a cell level.
Posts: 3956 | Registered: Jun 2001
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that or celia has frozen cells and studied cryogenic protocals on a cell level.
