posted
No -- I don't mean working at my job for Christmas. I realize there were lots of people who had to do that -- medical workers, police, fire, EMS, etc. And I feel for them (used to be them, too). No, we actually get Christmas off where I work now.
But here's my vent for the day -- a few weeks ago my older sister called and asked if my household would like to join their household for dinner on Christmas day. I thought this was extremely nice, mainly because my sister rarely just asks me to come visit -- usually only calls when she needs help with something. (I'm pretty good with tools, she is NOT, and she's recently divorced, so whenever things in her house need FIXED, she calls me -- irregardless of the tons of stuff I need to fix at my own home. But I always go anyway, because she IS my sister, and I love her, and because she can't do it herself)
So yesterday morning, anticipating our great feast at my sister's house, I got up early and made two pies and a couple of others dishes to contribute to the meal (she did NOT ask me to) because I realized we were going to have a grand total of about 5 adults and about 8 teenagers, mostly boys, eating. I was planning on dressing up nice for dinner.
Then said sister called me and said, "The kids would like for you to come a few hours early so they can all play football together." (fine). "And since you're coming early, could you bring over your chain saw? I got some firewood for the fireplace, but it is too long -- I just need it cut down to fit." <sigh> OKAY Then she calls back yet again -- "could you bring your window washing equipment as well?" (I was, for a short time, a professional window washer). "The sliding glass door and the big front window just look dreadful."
So I went over early. While the kids played football, I cut firewood and cleaned windows (this was AFTER I spent 30 minutes at home getting my chain saw serviced up and ready, because it wasn't). And I didn't get to "dress up" for dinner, obviously. Lest you think I helped in this way because she was busy cooking -- nope. She doesn't cook (at least not well). Her ex-husband, who was there to visit his kids for the holiday, did ALL the cooking (he's a great cook). Sister sat and visited with mom.
So I, once again, didn't get invited over for just the sake of being with her. Am I wrong to feel a little irritated by this? Because I do. But I feel like I shouldn't. She is my sister and this is what family does. It is just that things like this happen all the time. It is nice that she needs me. I think.
Farmgirl p.s. I was totally exhausted by the time the day was over.
EDIT: By the way, my sister's German foreign exchange student living there, says that in Germany, they celebrate Christmas for THREE whole days! Cool! I think they are the leaders in this celebration (I know Germans invented the idea of Christmas ornaments.)
posted
Not to be mean, but is it her fault for asking when you say 'yes' every time?
My family actually has the opposite problem. You have to be on your death bed for anyone in my family to be helpful. Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002
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No, she really IS my full sister (I have three other sisters, that are all half-sisters).
And yes, I know it keeps happening because I allow it to (my kids point that out). But I just wouldn't feel right saying no. So I guess I can't complain if that is the case, right?
..I don't care about the glass slipper -- just make sure there's a Prince Charming in there somewhere -- and that HE knows how to do all this stuff so I don't keep having to.
Actually, if you keep saying yes, she might not even know you mind. You can't hold people responsible for things they don't know.
Posts: 1753 | Registered: Aug 2002
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would YOU ask your friends/family to do things like this for you on a holiday? Isn't there some realm of common sense/social ettiquette (sp) that just says "hey -- let's put that off for another day, and not ask her today?"
But then, she knew you had the day off, and where you would be. If it was any other time, you'd be doing something else.
When she asked for the windpw-washing equipment, did you offer to actually do the windows, or did you show her how to use it and say good luck? Posts: 1753 | Registered: Aug 2002
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You could just adopt my solution. Do a really cr@ppy job. Make sure it costs more to UNDO your handiwork than it would've cost to just hire someone to do it right in the first place.
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There is a difference between not saying "no" (which I would also have some trouble doing if it were a relative asking), and doing what is requested but making it clear that while of COURSE you will do what she needs, you don't appreciate the fact that she expects you to work hard on a holiday.
And while I would have gone along with the chainsaw bit (since there aren't many other ways to shrink firewood ), I would have suggested that she use more homemaker-traditional methods (Windex and rags!) to clean her windows BEFORE you got there!
At the very least, I would've followed kat's suggestion of showing her how to use your equipment. Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
You're all right. I need to quit allowing her to take advantage -- by communicating this.
I guess the other reason is bothers me is... well, she and I are both single parents of three kids. However, I make about 30K per year, while she makes over 3 times that (she's a CFO). She could easily HIRE most of this stuff done -- but she didn't get rich by spending money -- she's extremely frugal.
She has a chain saw in her garage -- that she says the kids told her "doesn't work" and that someone else told her "would be expensive to fix", but she hasn't actually taken it in for an estimate or anything -- it just sits there. (It's a very nice one).
I have, in the past, shown her how to do windows -- but she does a crappy job, which makes me want to do it over... <BIG GRIN>
I want to express sympathy for the situation, but I can't help but agree with many here. The more you do what she asks, the more she'll keep asking. Also, did she ever ask you to do the work, or did you just assume it upon yourself? If her kids are aware enough to know that the chainsaw doesn't work, is there any reason they couldn't cut the firewood?
When reading your post, I couldn't help being reminded of Mary and Martha. Mary chose that which was better, and Martha was bitter about it because she perceived things as needing to get done. While you don't sound bitter (your own word was "irritated"), it does sound like you're voluntarily taking the onus upon yourself. If your older sister is a Christian, perhaps you could remind her of that passage, and just let the windows go unwashed.
In our family growing up, my mom would frequently wait until the last minute to wrap presents, and since she was wrapping presents for four kids (from mom, from dad, from dad & mom, and sometimes multiples of those, and now presents to spouses and grandkids as well), this would usually take hours upon hours. Finally one year, my sister told her "I don't care if the presents are in paper bags -- spend this time with your family." While she never did resort to paper bags, she does rely much more on gift bags and decorative boxes, and her time is spent in the living room with us instead of locked in her bedroom wrapping. The adjustment wasn't easy for her, but definitely worth it.
A pragmatic idea -- when she calls to ask if you would bring over the equipment, maybe you could ask at that time who'll be using it.
However it works out, I hope you have the opportunity to enjoy the holidays with your family.
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), I would have suggested that she use more homemaker-traditional methods (Windex and rags!) to clean her windows BEFORE you got there!
