posted
Shame Raia, posting here, but not stealing the last thread, and get online for once, you haven't been on since you got back, stay on, I wan't to say Hi, but no that I'v said that its kindof pointless isn'tit. Oh Bullocks!
Posts: 1900 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Life's a piece of ****, When you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke it's true. You'll see it's all a show, Keep 'em laughing as you go, Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
So always look on the bright side of life, ***whistle*** Always look on the right side of life ***whistle***
Posts: 9754 | Registered: Jul 2002
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'Come see the violence inherent in the system! Come see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!'
Posts: 701 | Registered: Jul 1999
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Picking up in the middle of the Dead Parrot Sketch...
quote:Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
Owner: No no! 'E's pining!
Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!
I highly recommend the skit for HS talent contests, if you can do the accents...
posted
My favorite is in 'The Meaning of Life'. Just... the entire movie. But especially the whole sing-along scene about 'every sperm is sacred'. That just gets me EVERY time.
Posts: 873 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Rhaegar, I'm pretty sure it's some sort of Hatrack crime to start a "favorite quotes" thread and then get every single one of them wrong.
Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
Frisco--at first I was thinking something similar, but his quotes were so consistently just a bit off that I think he must have been joking with us.
Here's one of my favorite sketches: ************************************************** (Scene: a wartime RAF station)
Jones: Morning, Squadron Leader. Idle: What-ho, Squiffy. Jones: How was it? Idle: Top-hole. Bally Jerry, pranged his kite right in the how's-your-father; hairy blighter, dicky-birded, feathered back on his sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harpers and caught his can in the Bertie. Jones: Er, I'm afraid I don't quite follow you, Squadron Leader. Idle: It's perfectly ordinary banter, Squiffy. Bally Jerry, pranged his kite right in the how's-your-father; hairy blighter, dicky-birded, feathered back on his sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harpers and caught his can in the Bertie. Jones: No, I'm just not understanding banter at all well today. Give us it slower. Idle: Banter's not the same if you say it slower, Squiffy. Jones: Hold on then -- Wingco! -- just bend an ear to the Squadron Leader's banter for a sec, would you? Chapman: Can do. Jones: Jolly good. Fire away. Idle: Bally Jerry, pranged his kite right in the how's-your-father; hairy blighter, dicky-birded, feathered back on his sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harpers and caught his can in the Bertie.
Chapman: No, I don't understand that banter at all. Idle: Something up with my banter, chaps?
AIR RAID SIRENS (Enter Palin, out of breath)
Palin: Bunch of monkeys on the ceiling, sir! Grab your egg-and-fours and let's get the bacon delivered! Chapman (to Idle): Do *you* understand that? Idle: No -- I didn't get a word of it. Chapman: Sorry, old man, we don't understand your banter. Palin: You know -- bally tenpenny ones dropping in the custard! (no reaction) Palin: Um -- Charlie choppers chucking a handful! Chapman: No no -- sorry. Jones: Say it slower, old chap. Palin: Slower *banter*, sir? Chapman: Ra-ther. Palin: Um -- sausage squad up the blue end? Idle: No, still don't get it. Palin: Um -- cabbage crates coming over the briny? The others: No, no.
(Film of air-raid)
Idle (voice-over): But by then it was too late. The first cabbage crates hit London on July the 7th. That was just the beginning.
(Chapman seen sitting at desk, on telephone)
Chapman: Five shillings a dozen? That's ordinary cabbages, is it? And what about the bombs?... Good Lord, they _are_ expensive.
As for single line exchanges, I've always been fond of this one:
Undertaker: Look, we'll eat your mum. Then, if you feel a bit guilty about it afterwards, we can dig a grave and you can throw up into it. Man: All right.
posted
Good evening. Tonight on World Forum we are deeply privileged to have with us Karl Marx, the founder of modern socialism and author of the Communist Manifesto, Vladimir Ilitj Ulyanov, better known to the world as Lenin, leader of the Russian Revolution, writer, statesman, and father of modern socialism, Che Guevara, the Bolivian guerilla leader, and Mao Tse-tung, chairman of the Chinese Communist Party since 1949.
And the first question is for you, Karl Marx. "The Hammers." "The Hammers" is the nickname of what English football team?
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
I never saw the uundertaker one, thats pretty good. Does anyone else remember the ordinary man with a tape recorder up his nose, who was later joined by his brother?
I think the opening went something like this.
And now, something totaly different, and ordinary man with a tape recorder up his nose.
Posts: 1900 | Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
I've always like the Piranha Brothers sketch. One of my favorite bits from it is "Doug was keen on boxing, but when he learned to walk he took up putting the boot in the groin. He was very interested in that.
His mother had a terrible job getting him to come in for tea. Putting his little boot in he'd be, bless him. All the kids were like that then, they didn't have their heads stuffed with all this Cartesian dualism."
posted
You know, I used to have pretty much the entire run of Flying Circus memorized. Looking back, that seems pretty amazing to me. I mean, I knew the banter from the banter sketch, I knew the complete "composer with the ridiculously long name sketch", I knew Mr. Smoketoomuch's full diatribe; imagine what I could have learned if I'd applied myself to academics with the same gusto as I did Monty Python.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
ha! found a script for the sheep that think they're birds sketch:
Tourist: Only, what are they doing up in the trees?
Shephrd: A fair question and one that in recent weeks 'as been much on my mind. It's my considered opinion that they're nestin'.
Tourist: Nesting?
Shephrd: Aye.
Tourist: Like birds?
Shephrd: Exactly. It's my belief that these sheep are laborin' under the misapprehension that they're birds. Observe their be'avior. Take for a start the sheeps' tendency to 'op about the field on their 'ind legs. Now witness their attmpts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as...plummet.
Tourist: Yes, but why do they think they're birds?
Shephrd: Another fair question. One thing is for sure, the sheep is not a creature of the air. They have enormous difficulty in the comparatively simple act of perchin'. <Baaa baaa... flap flap flap ... whoosh ... thud.> Trouble is, sheep are very dim. Once they get an idea in their 'eads, there's no shiftin' it.
Tourist: But where did they get the idea?
Shephrd: From Harold. He's that most dangerous of creatures, a clever sheep. 'e's realized that a sheep's life consists of standin' around for a few months and then bein' eaten. And that's a depressing prospect for an ambitious sheep.
Tourist: Well why don't just remove Harold?
Shephrd: Because of the enormous commercial possibilities if 'e succeeds.
quote: Can I post a Fawlty Towers quotation? It's not Monty Python, but it IS John Cleese.
"Will you please stop mentioning the war?"
"You started it!"
"No we didn't!"
"Yes you did, you invaded Poland!"
I LOVE Fawlty Towers!!!
How about this one:
"And another thing! I asked for a room with a view!"
"(to Manuel) Deaf, mad and blind... (to Mrs. Richards) This is the view as far as I can remember madam! Yes, this is it!"
"Well, it's not good enough."
"May I ask what you were expecting to see out of a Torquay hotel window? Sydney opera house, perhaps... the hanging gardens of babylon... herds of wildebeeste sweeping majestically..."
"Don't be silly. I expect to be able to see the sea."
"You CAN see the sea, it's over there between the land and the sky!"
"I need a telescope to see that!"
"Well, might I suggest you move to a hotel closer to the sea! (quietly) Or preferably in it!"
"I'm not satisfied, but I have decided to stay here. However! I shall expect a reduction!"
"Why, because Krakatoa's not erupting at the moment?!"
"Because the room is too cold, the bath is too small, the view is invisible, and the radio doesn't work."
"No, the radio works, you don't."
"What?"
"I think I can fix it, (quietly-ish) you scabby old bat!"
That's one of my favorite exchanges. But there are MANY more.
Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
I've been thinking about that sketch since yesterday, thanks to the blood donation thread! I've been resisting the urge to post there asking if I can donate urine.
By the way Raia, the Fawlty Towers episode you're quoting is my single favorite of the show's entire run. Great stuff!
quote:"Right! I had to get up in the morning, at ten o'clock at night, 'alf an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill and pay mill-owner for permission to come to work, and when we got 'ome, our dad would kill us and dance about on our graves, singing Hallelujah!"
"Oh, ay. And you try and tell the young people of today that, and they won't believe you!"
posted
"We interrupt show jumping to bring you a news flash. The Second World War has now entered a sentimental stage. The morning on the Ardennes Front, the Germans started spooning at dawn, but the British Fifth Army responded by gazing deep in their eyes, and the Germans are reported to have gone 'all coy'."
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
"This worked out largely to my predictions, except that the Silly Party won. This is mostly due to the number of votes cast."
Palin: Good evening. Tonight we are speaking to one of the the nation's leading skin care specialists, Raymond Luxury Yacht. Chapman (with an enormous polystyreme nose): That's not my name! Palin: (pause) I'm sorry, Raymond Luxury YaCHt. Chapman: No, no, it's spelled Raymond Luxury Yacht but it's pronounced "Thoatwobbler Mangrove." Palin: You're a very silly man and I'm not going to interview you. Chapan: Aha! Anti-Semitism! Palin: Not at all! That's not even a proper nose, it's made of polystyrene. (pulls of nose) Chapman: Give me back my nose! Palin: No. Chapman: I want to be on the television! Palin: Well you can't.
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![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
EVERY time.
![[Laugh]](graemlins/laugh.gif)
Frisco--at first I was thinking something similar, but his quotes were so consistently just a bit off that I think he must have been joking with us.![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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