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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » What does it take to be the Angel of Death in the Apocalypse?

   
Author Topic: What does it take to be the Angel of Death in the Apocalypse?
T_Smith
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I looked to see if I could apply somewhere online for the position of Angel of Death, or just Death, but I didn't really find anything that could help me out. So due to lack of anything that could help me train to become qualified to be the Angel of Death, I decided to brainstorm a few idea's.

Qualifications to be the Angel of Death for the Apocalypse:

1. You must know how to ride a horse. Also, you must ride with the blinding speed of a bullet. Death is everywhere in the Apocalypse.

2. All the other Riders of the Apocalypse answer to Death. They are his messengers. Death must have leadership ability, meaning you must find ways to motivate your team to accomplish their goals. You must also be able to work well with others, otherwise your team mates will not respect you.

3. Personality plays a big role in being the Angel of Death. You don't just show up and people die, you have to have a persona that sticks out and can easily be read by Apocalyptic clients. Meaning you have to instill fear and terror just by a glance, and have an overwhelming sense of power to those that you are around.

4. The Apocalypse can be a messy thing; totally chaotic, in fact. You, as Death, must have extraordinary organizational skills, and Management training. You will be overseeing the end of the world, and one slip up and suddenly people have plagues when they should have famine, and people have famine when they should have war. Things need to run as planned, and run smoothly.

5. An experience in weilding farm-tools is needed. You can't be Death without weilding a scythe, no one would recognize you. Plus, it's really cool to use on the mortals.

6. Since you will be ushering souls into the next life, you will need communication skills. You are going to need to talk through the steps with people who are going to be a bit reluctant to accept you for who you are.

7. We encourage creativity in helping you to accomplish your goal of a Worldwide Apocalypse.

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Occasional
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You have to have a medical degree.
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TomDavidson
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Apparently, all you need is a daddy who was President before you. [Smile]

*pulls Dagonee's leg*

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rivka
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8. Skeletal appearance does not happen overnight. Start dieting now!
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Sarcasm
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Dude, I believe that the Horsemen of the Apocalypse positions have already been filled.
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eslaine
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So, let me get this straight. The want-ad should go like this:

quote:
Help Wanted
Angel of Death, experience preferred, but not necessary. Must have own scythe. Are you a go-getting dealer of destruction? Pump up your career now! We are looking for fallen angels who want to progress into middle management. Apply:
God, 777 Heaven's Gate Way, Heaven. Mark all correspondence ATTN: Peter.


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Frisco
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EOE. Pay DOE.
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Rhaegar The Fool
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[ROFL]
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jehovoid
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9. Must have no sense of humor so that when some joker lifts his head and says, "I'm not quite dead," you won't bust out laughing. Laughter at anything other than people's pain is strictly prohibited.
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Rhaegar The Fool
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Does that mean I can't do it, cause I like larfing.
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rivka
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You can't do it because Death is not a headless horseman -- and yours seems to be rolling around the floor at the moment.
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Ryuko
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I recommend reading Piers Anthony's On a Pale Horse for job research. (anticipates rotten tomatoes to be thrown at her)
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