posted
I can't give too much away here, but I know a guy and his son. The son is married. I found out from a friend that he got drunk and hit on her.
And my GAWD, what a lame line he used:
"Can we sleep together?"
and then, when she said "no" he asked:
"Well, can I play with your..." Um, never mind.
Okay, I figure the only time someone would think that was a good line was when that person is just plain too drunk to think. But then how does one explain the ability to speak?
So, anyway, here's the moral dilemma:
1) I can't very well tell the father or the guy that I know about this. It'd be betrayal of a confidence. In fact, the only reason I was told was that the person figured I already knew!!! Like the guy had bragged to me about "getting" this woman.
2) The guy is married. I hate this stuff. I mean, if you are really miserable in your marriage at least have the guts to break up, not just go out and have an affair.
3) The other thing I don't like is that the guy even tried. If he'd bothered to get to know this person, he would've realized that he ought not to have made a pass at her, even if he WAS available. Or rather, he would've known that it would cause her emotional stress that she didn't need.
4) And being drunk is not an excuse.
Ugh. What is wrong with people?
I mean, I really like this guy. He's super nice. Super friendly. I almost want to believe he was just joking. But I can't.
Oh well.
Nothing y'all can really help with, probably. I guess if you've got experience in these situations, you could maybe give me some advice. I'm not sure I need any, though, since I'm not really in the middle of anything. It's not like the guy will have an opportunity to either apologize or prove what a bigger jerk he is.
And I don't think he is a jerk. I just can't explain it.
Weird.
People are weird.
Oh well.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
I think being drunk IS an excuse. When you are drunk, your judgement is impared - you become, to some extent, a different person. It's possible, if you're drunk enough, that you might think anything is an acceptable thing to say. Sure, you can speak, but that doesn't necessarily imply you can think clearly.
This is why I believe drinking is wrong, though. Because although you might be less responsible when your judgement is impared, you are still responsible for the original decision to impair your judgement by drinking. I believe attempting to use good judgement is one of the most fundamental moral rules, and deliberately turning yourself into someone with poor judgement is contrary to that.
Posts: 8120 | Registered: Jul 2000
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posted
Well, I agree that the choice to drink was certainly his. But I don't think being drunk is an excuse for anything. All alcohol does is let you see the true inner personality. Sometimes that's an unhappy surprise.
(((((Bob))))) It's a tough situation to be involved in, even tangentially.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Even my parents criticize my potential choice not to drink (I'm technically too young), and my choice not to go to parties where the point is to get drunk. But it's clear that excessive alcahol is the worst, most embaressing state- I don't want to lose my grip on the real world, and I don't want to see others drunk and stupid.
You are responsible for your actions when drunk, because you choose to be drunk.
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
I'm pretty sure I'd have to be so drunk as to be incoherent (as well as incapable of actually following through on the act if the woman actually agreed) before I would do this.
But then, I'm not a big one for trying to bed women I barely know.
Honestly, if someone is the type of person who turns into a Lothario when drunk, that person should probably not drink. I don't really know too many people who are like that, honestly.
The last person I told to stop drinking was a friend who told me I was good looking. Turned out he wasn't drunk. Or gay. Imagine my embarrassment.
I'm still not sure what the proper response would've been, but I probably should've at least said thanks...
quote:But I don't think being drunk is an excuse for anything. All alcohol does is let you see the true inner personality. Sometimes that's an unhappy surprise.
I disagree. If your thinking's being muddled by alcohol, you aren't all there. What comes out is you minus inhibitions and self-awareness, but our inhibitions and state of self-awareness are a large part of who we are.
Bob:
quote:Honestly, if someone is the type of person who turns into a Lothario when drunk, that person should probably not drink.
But does he know that happens? Maybe someone should tell him.
Posts: 2443 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
Frankly, I never bought the "I was drunk" excuse. People just feel freer to do what they wanna do because they can expect others to accept that excuse.
On the other hand, you didn't witness it, so you don't know what happened. 1) She could have been hitting on you with the ol' "other people find me sexy, so should you" bit, whether or not your friend's son did anything. 2) She could have hit on your friend's son, and is covering up beforehand in fear that your friend's son will spread it about that she hits on married men. 3) She could be having an affair with the dude, and wants you to tell his wife that he is an unfaithful person without mentioning her name. 3) It could have happened exactly as she said. 4thru50) etc etc etc... In other words, gettin' worked up about it is only a way of picking which headgame you wanna be caught up in.
Posts: 8501 | Registered: Jul 2001
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quote:On the other hand, you didn't witness it, so you don't know what happened. 1) She could have been hitting on you with the ol' "other people find me sexy, so should you" bit, whether or not your friend's son did anything. 2) She could have hit on your friend's son, and is covering up beforehand in fear that your friend's son will spread it about that she hits on married men. 3) She could be having an affair with the dude, and wants you to tell his wife that he is an unfaithful person without mentioning her name. 3) It could have happened exactly as she said. 4thru50) etc etc etc... In other words, gettin' worked up about it is only a way of picking which headgame you wanna be caught up in.
Wow! You've obviously given this kind of thing a lot of thought! Thanks!
Seriously!
Now I don't know what to think. Except maybe that she really DID have sex with him and is now feeling guilty because she didn't even know he is married.
Seriously large reaction when I told he is married. I mean SHOCKED!!!
I'm pretty naive as far as this kind of thing goes, having not dated in decades.
I don't think she was hitting on me though. (Despite the fact that I was once attractive to men...)
Women tend not to hit on me because they realize then they'd have to marry me. It's all or nothing...
And really...telling another guy that other guys hit on you is some kind of turn on??? What kind of topsy-turvy world is this? I'm pretty sure I know when I'm attracted to someone, and it doesn't change depending on whether other people find them attractive. Are there really people out there who care about that kind of thing???
I thought that was just a Hollywood myth.
Seriously? Who here would be MORE attracted to someone because of jealousy?
This is a friend, not someone I'm dating or otherwise romantically involved with...
We're all part of a circle of friends that formed during the process of moving to this new area...
So, I'm absolutely certain she was NOT hitting on me. Whether she's interested in the "other guy" is now open to question given what aspectre had to say. I took it like she was complaining about him, but maybe she's mad because he left without following up on his advances, and then even more upset to know that he's married.
Is this a plot from a 19th century English novel???
This is Texas, by the way. These things end with gunfire most of the time down here.
posted
"Actually, if I ever have the opportunity, I will no doubt bring it up, in private."
51) She coulda told ya what she did so you'd pass the word to him that she's available to be hit on. Like I said, it's just a choice between headgames.
And don't give up on your new friends. Just take them as they treat you personally, and by what you personally witness.
How can I ever go back to taking people as they come now that you've opened my eyes to all these various possibilities.
How do you think up this stuff and then say "take them as they deal with you personally? I mean, once you let the head games into your head, doesn't that color your perceptions from then on?
If I did this, I'd end up having conversations 2 days after the person was gone.
Anyway, I agree the only way to take people is as they present themselves to me personally. But for me that's just the default option because I don't have the ability to think much beyond that and divine the myriad possible motivations for their actions.
Probably an indication that I might not be good at writing characters. Certainly I have to work harder at that than most of the other aspects of the stories I write.
Oh well...another tangent.
Thanks again for the insights, though. VERY illuminating!!!
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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