posted
I, the Witch-King of Angmar, offer to explain the finer points of the coming rule of Sauron to any who dare ask. Come forth!
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Oh, and I've always meant to tell you this - your name is really cool. "Witch-King of Angmar" it just has a ring to it.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
Sauron advocates both the death penalty and life sentencing, together in one punishment. All who displease him become wraiths--not unlike myself, but weak, and under my dominion. Sauron finds that this life-in-death penalty is both an effective deterrent and rehabilitative, as the few who have undergone it have been his loyal servants ever since.
My most eloquent thanks for the compliment. Perhaps you would like to dine at my fortress, Angband, sometime in the future. However, I have been contemplating a change in my title ever since the rise of Wicca. Far too many people seem to think that I dance skyclad on the slopes of Mount Doom, which is a vicious lie and has led to the deaths of far too many curiosity-seekers. Not to mention--ouch! I don't have calloused hobbit feet!
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You, a sniveling worm of a failure, are not worthy to ask such questions. I have no need to "rip off" your thread, which has long since died an ignominous natural death. Long may your soul shrivel before the Lidless Eye, fool.
It is the "Ask the Rebbetzin" thread which I have "ripped off".
Sincerely, the Witch-King of Angmar
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posted
Dear Witch king...can you provide me literary proof that you're also the Lord of the Nazgul? I have a friend that insists you're two different people.
Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
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Didn't you get humiliated by some hobbits, and then killed by a guy named 'Grima Wormtongue'?
Sheesh. At least the chick who wasted the witch king knew how to fight. Grima? My mother could kick the snot out of a small gang of hobbits and a geek named Grima.
Posts: 5383 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
what i've always wanted to know, Mr Angmar, is what was Sauron going to do with the ring once he got it. You know, no hand to put it on and all that...
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I suppose one could call a Rohirrim-woman in armor and bearing a sword a "girl", if one were willing to call a roaring lion "kitty".
quote:can you provide me literary proof that you're also the Lord of the Nazgul? I have a friend that insists you're two different people.
Regrettably, I have found it difficult to read since becoming permanently invisible, due to the distortion effect (which you will have seen in the movies). I lent my copy of The Lord of the Rings to Tagath, one of the Olog-hai, who is writing his thesis; unfortunately someone mistakenly added it to the kindling used to light Grond.
quote:How is it you had the ring within your grasp, just a claws-breadth away, and yet you failed to snatch it?
Fundamental cosmic restrictions keep me from wearing more than one ring (I already have one of the Nine).
Oh...not buying it? Okay, I admit it. I couldn't resist the temptation to put it on if I'd taken it. Sauron would've kicked my ass.
quote:Were you REALLY that anxious for some blonde babe in armour to end your miserable existence?
*sigh* We had a safe word! She didn't pay attention. Keep that in mind when playing with swords, kiddies.
quote:P.S. I've heard some pretty interesting rumors regarding you and Shelob. Any comments?
Hmm. Not really. Shelob is a little young for me. Her mom, now--Ungoliant--she was rather attractive, but unfortunately she was seeing someone else.
quote:what i've always wanted to know, Mr Angmar, is what was Sauron going to do with the ring once he got it. You know, no hand to put it on and all that...
The One Ring, naturally, would have empowered him sufficiently to produce a new body. This is all explained in the full lyrics of my hit single Ash Nazg, which unfortunately has not yet been released in the Westron. However, I can provide you with a CD version in the Black Speech, if you are familiar with that.
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quote:Wasn't someone else supposed to be doing this job? Is Mordor downsizing?
As always, Mordor is recruiting, not downsizing. However, the Mouth of Sauron, who normally handles questions, has been fired for his responsibility in the breakdown of negotiations with Gandalf. I understand he is currently working as a janitor at Orthanc. Personally, I think he will need a bigger mop.
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posted
WiKi, (may I call you WiKi?) Who's sexier - Legolas at the end of ROTK with that coy little smile to Aragorn, or an unconscious Faramir covered in oil?
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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quote:Why such a large mace? Surely sacrificing some of that extra weight for added mobility would've been prudent, no?
After being invisible for several centuries, one sometimes becomes overconfident. I screwed up! Deal with it!
quote:Are you compensating for lacks in, um...certain other areas?
*gestures to his left* Ask Mierana, the Nazgrrl. Observe the smile on her f...that's right, I forget you can't see it. What, you thought all of the Nine were male? The all-powerful Sauron is not such a goof as you seem to believe. The benefits of being in his employ are many. To put it bluntly...no, I am not.
quote:WiKi, (may I call you WiKi?)
ARGH! Is this another wicca joke? I must get that title changed...No, those things on my helm are not supposed to be antlers! Sheesh....
quote: Who's sexier - Legolas at the end of ROTK with that coy little smile to Aragorn, or an unconscious Faramir covered in oil?
You missed the "safe word" comment, did you not? Anyone unconscious and covered in oil is sexy. Though a few chains would have come in handy. And a whip...
Posts: 1041 | Registered: Feb 2002
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Wait - what? I'm sorry - yes, I'm here. I have a question.
Dear Nazgul,
Where did the fell-beasts come from? Why didn't you ride them in the first movie, where a few little waves wouldn't have kept you from the comatose ring-bearer?
Hmm. A fascinating offer, and I would take you up on it. *slice* Except that it would be unfair to fight someone with a morgul blade in his gut.
quote:Where did the fell-beasts come from? Why didn't you ride them in the first movie, where a few little waves wouldn't have kept you from the comatose ring-bearer?
As I understand it, fell-beasts are native to the Undying Lands. Sauron brought some with him when he left Numenor during the Second Age. I hear that they find hobbit flesh particularly tasty, and that the elves sometimes offer them snacks.
Sadly, fell-beasts are currently classified as an endangered species in Mordor under the Localized Subpopulations Act. It took months to get a permit, and after what happened to the last one I doubt I will get another.
quote:Hey WK, who was the dragon rider affiliated with either Harad or Umbar?
Dragon rider? Perhaps you should clarify.
quote:Also, what is the difference between the Mumakil and the Oliphaunts?
The Mumakil have been properly trained. Oliphaunts are much less friendly.
quote:Do you do endorsements for Mace pepper spray?
I'm certain something can be worked out. Does Mace pepper spray do endorsements for political office? Sauron has been considering running as a Reform candidate.
quote:what happened to the last post thread?
Truthfully? I believe Sauron attempted to post in it and the server crashed. When it came back up, the thread was gone. Sauron was most displeased; I believe he said something about "teaching that Alvin fellow a lesson".
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