THE STORY: My Magnet Honors American Lit teacher, Mrs. Gillham, grades all our papers with red pens. She makes a big deal about these pens, and she uses a lot of them. When one goes dry, she hangs it on the hall of "Fallen Soldiers," with a ceremony. Its actually rather funny, and my class has the intelligence to comprehend the wacky humor.
So, we were going over a poem in class, when she starts mocking me ruthlessly over my interpretation of the poem (all in good fun, of course). So, I get up, walk to her table as the bell rings, and snatch her pen and walk out. She wigged.
As I went by her class later, I noticed she had put a white piece of paper up on the wall of "Fallen Soldiers" above the most recent pen that said, "POW: Camp Daniel"
And so the one-upping began.
THE CHALLENGE: I need to find a new way everyday to carry on this story. For instance, today I took a picture of the pen and put it in the envelope with pieces of a chopped-up floppy disk. On the back of the pic I wrote something along the lines of, "Tell no one, or your pen gets the same treatment."
She mounted it on the board with documentation as Exhibit "A".
So, I need your help to think of something new to do.
My current brainstorming has come up with these ideas:
- Take a red pen, and drain the ink into a baggy. Snap a shot of the broken pen, and write in kidnapping letters, "This is my last hostage. His owner didn't cooperate."
- Sneak into the room and take off the Fallen Soldiers, and replace them with a sign that says, "Tomb of the Unknown Soldier."
- Chop up a pen cap into tiny slivers, and spread them over her desk.
- Steal more pens.
As you can see, I'm not the most creative guy around. But I know you guys here are.
Any help? Any ideas?
Posts: 515 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Right. I'm typing a ransom note with clips from magazine covers that says, "My last "client" wasn't so cooperative," and I'm putting the ink in the baggy.
I like the POW camp ideas.
Posts: 515 | Registered: Mar 2004
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Its going in a plastic baggy, in another plastic baggy with the ink contents of three pens, and then in an envelope.
Posts: 515 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
You should use all black or blue pens as guards in the POW camp and have banners in the background saying "Better dead than red."
Posts: 4625 | Registered: Jul 2002
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Maybe you could tye a piece of black fabric around it like a blindfold or like you were tying the legs together and take a picture? Or write a note in red pen "from" the pen, saying you don't work for the teacher anymore because you've found a place with better treatment. Or have the pen ask for a raise. Dress it up in hawaiian clothes and say it's on a vacation.
Edit: Show it with a picketing sign, asking for better benefits.
posted
Get a grainy picture, like from a security camera, of the red pen in a beret carrying a machine gun like Patty Hearst.
Posts: 4625 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
Today I put that note in an envelope, along with a baggy. In the baggy I had bits and pieces of chopped up pens and almost four filler cartridges of ink. On the back of the note, I wrote, "They sure do bleed a bunch, don't they?"
She hung it up as exhibit B, and she is seeking a criminal alias for me.
At my school, we have an internal TV broadcast thing that runs all day on all TVs in all classrooms. I was thinking about putting up a "Kidnapped" add like you see at Wal-Mart.
Or, taking a picture and taping it to the side of a milk carton.
Tomorrow, I will probably do the Tomb of the Unkown Soldier. I will post the sign at the same address.
I'm going to save all the picture things for the weekend, when I have time.
Keep thinking! You guys are genius!
Posts: 515 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
I think the pen should go politically radical and join the pen liberation league, in sympathy with its captors. Make a long list of political demands by the league. Say they must release all the pens held prisoner in the school or else suffer the consequences. Take a picture of the pen with a Kalashnikov (photoshop it in) and maybe some sunglasses, looking very angry, if that's possible for a pen.
Posts: 5509 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
Take a photo of the pen and pencil aisle at OfficeMax, with the hostage pen somewhere in the picture. String barbwire if the store will let you.
Posts: 2655 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
I just wanted to say, HRE, that you are my new hero, and have rekindled in me hope for America's youth. Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
So, I went in this morning in stripped down all of her "Fallen Soldiers," and stuck up this image in its place.
I was rather content with myself...I had some bodies for the POW camp pics for the weekend. Then, in latin, I happened to glance up. If you will recall, our school has a closed-circuit TV system that runs all day long. She had put up an "ad" that said, "KIDNAPPED: A RED SOLDIER" with a picture of a red pen and a blurp requesting any information be brought to her room.
Didn't I tell her not to contact the authorities or get help of any kind? She must pay.
So, I made this little "note" for her. I intend to splatter it with some red ink before delivery.
And to step up the covertness, I am no longer making the drops myself. I found an accomplice.
So, is the note legible?
Posts: 515 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Send back pieces of the pen. One... by... one.
Mail her a video of the pen, tied to a chair, renouncing its citizenship and loyalty to your class and confessing to crimes against the Bic company (get a friend she doesn't know to do the voiceover).
Send a picture of the pen next to a pink highlighter, photoshopped in front of a cheesy Vegas wedding chapel. It should be in a "Thanks for everything!" card.
Get a bunch of different pens, take them apart, and assemble a hideous Frankenpen. Use masking tape and visible staples to hold it together. Send a picture, possibly with an attached card reading "Bwahahahahahaha! They said it couldn't be done!"
Send her a picture of the pen as part of the Cirque du Soleil.
Have a friend call her and pose as a social services counselor, who wants to ask her about an underage pen that was picked up on the streets of Boston turning lunchtime tricks for ink.
Let her know the good news, that the pen was chosen as the new spokespen for Priceline.
Bleach the top of the pen so that it's white, wrap a square of orange cloth around it, and leave it on her desk with a note reading: "Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare."
If you can find one or afford one, some orange straws attached to the side of a nice Cross pen case makes a handy coffin.
Take a picture of the classroom and photoshop in a ghostly half-image of the pen.
Take all the pens and leave a scrawled banner: "Viva la Revolucion!"
Put the pen back and leave an elegant jet black pen with a note: "Nothing happened. Remember that. Nothing."
"Find" a note and read it in class. "It just says 'I'm watching you.' And it was written from inside this room!" Panic.
Wrap a Band-Aid around its cap, put it in a Barbie bathrobe, and leave it on a desk with a typewritten note explaining it was found wandering the streets of Mexico City with amnesia, muttering something unintelligible about Keats.
I'll stop now.
Just don't do anything irreversible so she won't get mad at you, and be sure to observe the rules of the Geneva Conpention.
[ March 04, 2004, 09:38 PM: Message edited by: Chris Bridges ]
Posts: 7790 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
I'm going to start doing five scenes every weekend...I have to stretch this over a full semester.
Posts: 515 | Registered: Mar 2004
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