posted
So, Liam is getting booted out of the preschool. Again.
I sort of expected it, because I knew his behavior was a consistent problem since the Christmas break. We had been told that the program that was trying to transition him into regular preschool would be providing support, and we expected to be kept in the loop.
Three weeks ago, we had a parent/teacher conference (everybody gets one, not just Liam), and the outlook was really good. Last Wednesday, he was taken out of class late in the day for hitting another kid with a closed fist, and saying he would kill him.
Now, I knew from the way they looked when I went in to pick him up that this was the beginning of the end. The support person called us and made an appointment to meet with everyone for tomorrow morning. Fine. I know what's coming, but I'm willing to wait and see.
Evidently they didn't want to wait, so they called an had a lady from the county observe him at preschool yesterday. This is also fine, except that they didn't bother to tell us that she would be there. Last year, they followed the same proceedure, but they did tell us.
I actually walked Liam in to class yesterday, and spoke briefly to the teacher, more to give her the opportunity to tell me what the plan was than anything else. She didn't make much eye contact and went about her business. It was awkward, and I was left in the dark.
THEN-- and this is what pissed me off more than anything-- they let the lady from the county call me to tell me that the preschool didn't want Liam to come back (she had to call us to schedule his meeting to be processed back into the public school program, anyway). All of that was expected-- we knew they were looking for a way to get rid of him and we knew he would probably end up back at the public preschool (which he and we actually preferred, but they couldn't keep him because he was so academically advanced-- This time he'll be in a different program we didn't know about before).
Ron was angry that we weren't told what was going on. The lady from the county was annoyed that the private preschool asked her to tell us not to bring him back. This week is the week to enroll the kids for next year, and this poor lady couldn't tell me whether to enroll him or not. I mean, how could she know if they were saying "Don't ever bring him back" or "We'll try again next year."
At thius point I think it's clear that Hillside just is not the place for him. Because of his birthday, he's always the oldest in the class, by nearly a year. They do letter recognition and crafts, but he's already recognizing words and writing his name. I didn't try to teach him this stuff-- no flash cards, etc.-- he's just picked it up from us reading to him, and making his name out of modelling clay, etc.
Anyway. He's bored there. He hates it. He's bigger than everyone and more physical/aggressive than most, so he's in a natural position to bully. It is best to move him, I'm sure.
Two things upset me:
1). I was a huge behavioral problem in my early schooling. I was in the top of my class in first grade (given the harder reading and math assignments) but by second grade I was being sent to the counsellor all the time. Mostly for violence on the playground. I was a clever kid. If someone started something with me, I found a way to finnish it. Frex, a boy grabbed me by the arm and wouldn't let go, dragging me around. I bit him; he let go and cried like a baby. I got sent to the school counsellor, who told me it was normal for boys and girls to grab eachother by the arm sometimes. That baffled me, because it sounded like it was okay for somebody to hurt me but not okay for me to stop them. F- that.
I was tested, and they tried to get mom to skip me two grades, but she thought (reasonably enough, even though in hindsight she was wrong) that if I had social problems with kids my own age it could only be worse with older kids.
I just remember how it felt to be the violent freak. I was so angry. So angry that I still cry and shake with rage when I think of it. It was okay for people to be mean to me, but not okay for me to fight back. People teased me, and I socked 'em. Still happens, though not so much.
So, the number one thing that makes me upset is that I remember being thrilled with school, and excited about doing so well. Then I remember it turning to an absolute torturous hell of bordom, frustration and pain. I would do ANYTHING to spare Liam that.
The number two thing, somewhat related to the first, is that this church preschool felt the need to slink around behind our backs and not tell us what was going on, then not even bothering to tell us not to bring him back. I remember when I was 13, this little boy kept coming around. He wanted to date me. I didn't want to date him, but I didn't know how to tell him. So, I hid under my bed and let my mother tell him for me.
Not the most mature thing I've ever done, to be sure.
Yet that is basically what these grown women did to me. I had met with them frequently, and volunteered A LOT there. Did they think I would get angry or something? Did they not know that I expected what was coming? Did they think by avoiding me it would be easier?
Thing is, I wouldn't be angry if they had just been open with me. Maybe I'm STILL socially maladjusted to think that we had a relationship where they could just tell me what they were doing. When I dropped him off Monday and spoke to the teacher, I actually thought, "Well, maybe they've decided to 'wait and see', since they haven't mentioned any action." Now I just feel jerked around.
Thanks for letting me vent.
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posted
I went through the exact same thing since Kindergarten. My mom did the wrong thing. She thought I didn't let people touch me because I was too immature. So she had me start late, which is okay because I still wasn't the oldest in my class.
I got in more fights than I can count for the same reasons you described Olivet. People would tease me, and I would naturally say something and they were provoked into using physical force. The other kid always got a 5 day suspension too, but I felt it was unfair because I never hit first, and I only defended myself.
I think it's the reason I had really bad grades until sophomore year of high school. Posts: 4229 | Registered: Dec 2002
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That's so wrong of them not to talk to you. I had problems with Emily once, she was hitting kids in the head with toys. The director called me in, we sat down with the teacher, we all talked, it wasn't confrontational, and we got it all worked out.
It sucks that they weren't willing to tell you to your face. It was cowardly of them, and if they are afraid to confront a mother who had volunteered and was working with them, then what in the world would they do with a "problem" parent? Get the police to tell her? Say nothing and just send a restraining order?
"Your child is not allowed within 500 feet of our preschool facility, violation of this order could result in prosecutory action."
*shakes heads*
*hugs Liam, who she *loves* dearly, aggressive nature and all*
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in defense of weenies, she was probably scared of you. There are a lot of procedures involved with removing kids from a school, or even with trying to get a kid the help they need.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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I know I don't know you very well -- but is this your oldest child? If so, I have several great mail lists I subscribe to for parents of gifted kids who may be new to all this school frustration. (if you think that is part of Liam's frustration problem -- I know it was for my oldest).
And truly -- if homeschool is an option -- please consider it.
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My oldest is in first grade now. He went through this same preschool, and was always the youngest in his class (again, just an arbitrary thing with his date of birth). With him, I had to deal with teachers thinking he wasn't old enough, etc.
The older one is smart, but very artistic and outgoing. He was never agressive. When we discussed home schooling with him, he cried and asked why he was being punished. He needs the other kids. He just got an Outstanding in reading, and is doing super well.
Liam, frankly, is like me in that he doesn't like people so much. He doesn't do well in larger classes and stuff. He is advanced (we have deliberately TRIED to avoid teaching him too muc, since we knew he'd only get frustrated when he went to school.
I think he would learn stuff a lot faster if we home-schooled, but I'm also pretty sure he'd be even more socially mal-adjusted than I was if he doesn't get structured exposure to others. Plus, I rather selfishly would like to have the option of having a little bit of a life, too.
Pooka-- I just don't get why they'd be scared of me. I volunteered there. I saw them everyday in very non-confrontational ways. Now, because of this chicken-poo behavior, my husband has asked to meet with them, and basically it will be much MORE painful for everyone than it would have been if they'd been professional about it.*sigh* I dread it, too.
Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
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quote: I think he would learn stuff a lot faster if we home-schooled, but I'm also pretty sure he'd be even more socially mal-adjusted than I was if he doesn't get structured exposure to others. Plus, I rather selfishly would like to have the option of having a little bit of a life, too.
Well, home-schooling doesn't mean the child won't get structured exposure to others! It just means you are in charge of arranging that structured exposure (through either homeschooling groups, or clubs that have similar interests, or other peers).
Although I do understand you wanting to have a life, too.
However, My middle son got "kicked out" of 5 different schools before I realize that my trying to make him "fit" (make the school adapt to him) did horrible things to his view of himself. Took a lot to undo. But I guess that's just why I'm sensitive on this subject.
You're a mom -- I know that YOU know what is best for your child. So I'll shut up now.
I was a "gifted kid" My mother put me in what was supposed to be a highly academic preschool. I hated it. I was trying to build structurally experimental skyscrapers with blocks and the other kids, didn't understand what I was doing or why. I tried to explain my vision to them but they couldn't understand. Being a girl of course I was "supposed" to play with dolls. I believe I went for two or three days before I managed to convince my mother to take me out. Part of the reason, I believe was because I'd never been a behavior problem in any group before but suddenly I was.
Yes I was a misfit through most of my grade school years. Going to church programs and such gave me as much contact with children my own age as I could stand. With the exception of a few friends I was extremely happy I didn't have to deal with their idiocy on a daily basis.
When I was in kindergarten, my mother made an arrangement with a private school to have me do their Stanford Achievement tests with the first grade class, since it wouldn't be fair if she administered them herself. Anyway every morning I went and took the tests, which were interesting enough I didn't mind doing them. But then, so I didn't disrupt the class, I had to stay with them through their classroom reading aloud time. Once again I was bored out of my mind and hated it. I believe I read their entire reading textbook cover to cover in the week I was there. At first the teacher tried to get me to stop reading ahead, but I just kept my finger in the page that everyone else was struggling through so I could flip back when it was my turn. The momentary pause that I had when trying to find the spot, was no worse than everyone else's horrible reading skills.
But, as time went on the gap becomes smaller especially in in high school and college, when "everyone else" stops behaving as much like morons. I'm now dating a guy who is within 6 months of my age, surprisingly enough. I always thought I would end up with a guy 3-5 years older than me, because of the "gap" yet it does indeed decrease with time and by 20 and 21 there isn't much difference between someone who was "gifted" and went through a public school program (and was bored out of their minds according to every single friend I have) or someone like me who was homeschooled.
While I don't agree with all my mothers homeschooling methods, she didn't do a bad job by any means. And I genuinely believe I was happier (until adolescence) being homeschooled than going to a regular school. Especially if one has a sibling going to regular school, one won't miss out on one's generational culture as someone who is as sheltered as I was. Plus with one sibling going to school it might make the other one eventually want to go back.
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(((Olivet))) (((Liam))) (((Ah, heck, the whole family)))
I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I think a different school sounds like a fine idea. Maybe there's a way for him to get some time to spend on more advanced things that he's ready for?
It sounds like you turned out okay despite similar early problems. Rather than worry about the genetic component of this (just worried about your thread title more than anything you said in the post), I think it's more important that you realize that Liam is lucky to have a parent who understands his emotional and control "issues" and can relate to him...and even help him get through it.
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Oh, honey! I'm not offended at all. I just don't know what to do. Yeah, I was hoping I'd have time to write when he starts Kindergarten, but I'm honestly not sure if that would be what's best for him.
And I meant it when I said I 'd do ANYTHING to spare him the slice of hell that school was for me. I'd give up the writing if I had to, but i hope it doesn't come to that.
Funny, two years ago my therapist accused me of being pessimistic about getting writing time, since Liam would be old enough for preschool in the fall. But I knew. I KNEW that something would come up. That year it was me going to school with him, trying to help the teachers control him. Eventually he went to the other place, and that was okay. He did much better, and I had six hours a week which usually got eaten up by what Ron wanted me to do.
Then this fall he was in both schools, and adjusting well. then the 'special' school had to bump him because he was too advanced academically to keep him in it. Then we had a month of him doing really well. The Christmas break followed by a month of him beating kids and making death threats, not to mention begging to stay home.
Actually, I think he may have escalated his behavior BECAUSE he knew he'd get to come home. I need to get him to where he can be around other kids without knocking their block off. I'm just not sure home-schooling will help with that.
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posted
As I said, if he knows he only has to put up with them for X number of minutes rather than all day, he's probably less likely to become violent.
And if he likes being alone anyway, it isn't like you should have to constantly entertain him if he stays home.
My mother is literally an expert on the subject of homeschooling having run independent study programs for other homeschoolers for probably close to 20 years, plus having gotten three kids into college. (Stephen will graduate in a year with a Chem E degree) Nate is at a community college until he decides what he wants to do with his life, which could vary anywhere from Paramedic to aerial geography and surveying.
Anyway. It is very simple to homeschool at his age. You will probably spend a maximum of an hour and a half in actual instruction and working with him. (My mother may have only spent 45 minutes). You read him 2-3 books. Work on vocabulary through a standard reading curriculum, work on basic math and read him another 2 or 3 books. The books don't always have to be straight fictional stories, mom would normally work in "social studies", "health", "history" and "science" into those books. Then he is allowed to play quietly with his toys (some of which should be moderately educational, like legos, or do what he feels like the rest of the time, as long as he isn't getting into trouble.) If he starts acting bored or gets into trouble, you put him to work doing moderately unpleasant household chores. He will quickly learn NOT to interrupt you during the hour or two you have set aside for your own writing. If you don't have a fenced backyard that is safe for him to play outside, then, get a chair sit outside with your own writing pad or a book and keep one ear open while working on your projects.
I've seen countless mothers take my mom's advice on this, and they are amazed it is so simple and how much their child learns. And you will have it easy since only one kid is home and the other is in school. You won't have two toddlers running around that require constant monitoring. It sounds like he is telling you he WANTS to be home, that it is the best place for him, so why not listen to him?
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He was only around other kids for a few hours, twice a week, and he was pounding them. He can't cooperate for 1 hour in martial arts (well, he has done it, but not lately). I don't think separating him from others is the answer.
But, maybe you have raised a bunch of kids just like him, so maybe you know what's best. I certainly don't.
I do think (and I've thought about this a lot today) that I would eventually resent not being able to go back to school myself while I'm still healthy enough to do it.
As it stands, I should be healthy long enoughto see them both into college, but probably not much after that.
And I'm just selfish enough that running away from this shit is becoming more appealing. I was worried when I first started taking Zoloft, that it masked my emotions because I couldn't cry at movies and stuff anymore. But now I know that I CAN cry, because I've done it a lot today.
And, yeah, I'm reluctant to committ to staying home with him for the next 10+ years. The thought terrifies me.
Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
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1) There are options other than home schooling. Icarus has some knowledge of these things so you may want to contact him.
2) Homeschooling, if you go that route, should not be viewed as anything more than a year-to-year decision. At least at first. I suppose if you found that you both really enjoyed it, you could make a more lasting commitment to it. But to start out thinking it's 10 years ahead of you would be daunting. I think...
3) Carefully check what resources are available before committing to homeschooling. Check out if there are parent groups you can belong to that mesh with your own particular ideology. There are lots of zealots, shall we say, among the homeschooling parents in some parts of the country. If you are similarly inclined, not a problem. If you aren't, it'd probably end up being a giant pain in the rear and you might feel suddenly alone in trying to find good lesson plans, teaching materials, etc.
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Olivet, no I haven't raised kids. I didn't mean to sound like I had. I was looking at it from the perspective of a kid who likely would have been like that if I had gone to regular school.
Homeschooling isn't for everyone. And as Bob says, is definitely a year to year decision. Don't look at it as you would be stuck with it for 10 years. I'm sure Mack has good ideas about what to do with a kid that acts out. I know she deliberately takes them into stressful situations where they will. However my impression was always that if they don't have the coping mechanisms to handle the little stuff, what is the point of totally overwhelming them with the big stuff on a regular basis? The point is to see how they act so they know which direction to go in developing those coping mechanisms. So putting them in some pressure situations isn't entirely bad either.
*hugs* I know you will make the best decision for him, whatever it is.
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I've already talked to mack about it, as well a a friend of ours who is a pediatrician and has been around Liam a lot (she's stayed at our house, etc.).
I just... It's always something. Some obligation, some need that I will meet out of love or duty, and even though I have a choice on the surface, I don't. Not really.
And I know that I will not live to some ripe old age, enjoying some golden retirement. I will sicken and die, probably in my fifties, from a genetic disease I have.
I probably made a bad choice in having children, even though I love them dearly and I know that the world is richer with them in it. I just know I'm going to wreck it somehow, either by resenting spending so much of life wiping bottoms or by just cutting and running. That's the ugly truth of where I am at the moment.
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I can really relate to the "it's always something." I also have a son who is having difficulties with school behavior, and who is currently (since last Monday) home. It's hard. It's really, really hard.
And when the school's communication is problematic (also true in my case, although NOT nearly as badly as in yours!) it's salt on the wound.
If we're ever on AIM at the same time, I'd love to chat. Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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I wish Liam could get the kind of services that I do. With as bright as he is, and as loving, it seems that he just needs some more skill development. He is NOT an abnormal child, not by any means. But his school environment would need to be with people who know how to do good behavior management and skills teaching. Without that, the poor kid will just get more overwhelmed and frustrated with his own emotions and have his outbursts.
And he did get positive reinforcement for his behaviors at this place because if he DID them, he got to go home.
And he lubs his mom and dad. Posts: 14745 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
((((hugs)))) that's gotta be hard. You're such a good mom!
And that biting story of yours sure strikes a chord with me-I had four boys gang up on me, one for each limb, so I bit one-and got all of the blame, because it never even occurred to me that the boy i bit hadn't told the principal the actual story of what happened, and they never asked me. My prayers for you both.
Posts: 3493 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Listen to mack. Liam is not abnormal, he is a wonderful, wonderful kid.
And he's just a baby still! There's tons of time for him to grow and develop and change so we're just borrowing trouble if you start to think about what things will be like in 10 years.
Honey, listen to me - you CAN NOT homeschool Liam. All you homeschool proponents, I respect and admire homeschoolers but everyone cannot do it, no more than every single person in the world could be a professional teacher and be successful at it.
I'm not saying you can't because I'm knocking your abilities or your commitment I know full well you would walk through fire for your boys' sake. I'm saying it because I REFUSE to allow you to feel any guilt about your decision not to do it. You are a fantastic mom, and your job is to support him and help him, but you do not want to be his teacher full time and there is nothing wrong with that!
I have a bunch of homeschooling friends. I know them well, I love their kids I think homeschooling is a wonderful option. But I also think homeschooling proponents unknowingly and unintentionally make parents feel like they are failing their kids somehow when they choose not to do it. FG and Banna, I'm not directing this at you - I know you both were offering what you thought may be a workable solution for Olivia out of your concern and good wishes. I'm directing it in general.
I am no teacher. I thought of becoming a teacher at one time but it would have been high school or college level, I can not be around young kids without going crazy. I treasure the time my kids are at preschool because it gives me a chance to recharge, and reconnect with myself and my identity as a person other than "Natalie, Emily, Daniel and Abigail's Mom" Without that opportunity, I would not be as good a Mom to them.
Olivia, you need these boys in preschool and school. Writing makes you a better Mom. You do those boys a disservice if you try to take on more than you can do and allow yourself to be hampered by feelings of guilt and shame. You're a great MOm and don't you dare beat yourself up over any of this!
I don't want to hear this "I shouldn't have had kids because of this genetic disease" You would have deprived us of a world with Robert and Liam in it and I for one am glad I know them.
I haven't resigned you to an early grave yet, girl. You aren't getting out of being my friend that easily. I fully expect to be friends with you when we're sixty or seventy and can argue about whose grandchildren are cuter. Who knows? If Emily and Robert remain close maye some of those grandchildren will be mutual.
*hugs* I love you and I'll call you this afternoon, okay?
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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(((Olivet))) I didn't know about the genetic disease thing. Now I admire you even more for the person you obviously are (based on your posts here). You haven't given up, or cut & run. And I don't think you will.
It does sound as if you are getting overwhelmed though. Is there someone you can talk to to unburden IRL?
It's my experience that the people who mess up kids' lives AREN'T the ones who worry about how they're doing as parents. It's the ones who just plain don't care that do the worst things to kids.
quote:I probably made a bad choice in having children, even though I love them dearly and I know that the world is richer with them in it. I just know I'm going to wreck it somehow, either by resenting spending so much of life wiping bottoms or by just cutting and running. That's the ugly truth of where I am at the moment.
Just remember that last part...this is temporary.
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Belle, you're right. I have not written, even in my journal, for a week or more, and I need to. I'm not sure why, but when I have a chance to write, nothing seems so bad anymore. I AM a better mother/wife/person after I do it. I hadn't thought of it that way, but you're right. Writing is somehow essential to my mental health.
Thanks, Bob. I did have a chance to talk to the hubby last night (he's the one I usually unburden to, and he was working very late last night). He forbade me to go the meeting today, and I resisted but now I think he was right. I'd only have started crying again, and that woukd serve no purpose. *sigh*
Oh, and Belle-- wouldn't that be something? In twenty years or so to have the first Hatrack grandbabies? It makes me happy to just think about it.
BTW, I guess I'm thinking about the Polycystic kidney disease because I know I have it, my father died with it( and the attendant health problems) and my mother is sort of a best case scenario. She had a kidney transplant eight and a half years ago, and the side effects of the meds have been a constant plague. Torn tendons from walking across the floor, the strange pie-face bloating, and most recently a ruptured intestine resulting in a colostomy. They tried to reverse it, and it didn't take. She's barely 62 and she sits in the same chair day and night, watching Matlock and Perry Mason.
That just isn't my mother. She was always active and healthy and, let's face it, gorgeous. She's alive, but has no real joy of it that I can tell. Plus, she was never a depressive type to begin with. *sigh* I can't seem to rouse her interest in anything. She used to be so chatty, and now I have to pry to get her talk at all.
And, yeah, part of me wonders if that's where I'll be in 30 years. Maybe I'm just thinking about that because we'll be visiting them this weekend. *shrug*
But anyway, I'm not borrowing troubles from the future anymore. I gots me plenty right here, say thankya! Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
I was talking this out with some jatraqueros last night.
I know homeschooling isn't for everyone. In fact there are a lot of homeschooled kids who IMO would be better off in regular school. It really depends on the temperments of the parents, and you, as a parent know what you can handle and what you can't. You aren't failing as a parent if you don't homeschool.
I was semi-brainwashed into defending homschooling, since as a child I often had to answer the questions that adults put to me about the subject when they thought my mother was crazy for doing it, because then it wasn't nearly as mainstream as it is today. You get to the point where it is a reflex response without even realizing it is, which was the case in this response.
However, as an ender-type child I think it worked out well for me, until adolescence at which point both of my parents had more major "letting go" issues than the comparable public school parents. I was projecting myself and Ender onto Liam and the situation is probably not at all parallel.
I also forget that I am the exception to a lot of things. Several college councillors have told me that I am the most "normal" homeschooled person they have ever encountered. Two of my very close friends and I were homeschooled together, in what I thought were similar home environments. If you ask them now if they would homeschool their kids, they say "Absolutely not!" and feel it terribly warped them, while I say "Maybe, it would depend on the child." I myself don't know if I could stay home day in and day out with a child. Steve and I have discussed what we would do if we did have kids, and he is probably the one that would end up staying home for their younger years. So homeschooling is by no means appropriate for every child or every parent.
*Hugs Olivet*
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make the situation worse.
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AJ, I hope I didn't come off as critical to you or Farmgirl, I really didn't feel like your advice was out of place at all. What you said was probably great advice to a lot of people out there.
I'm in a different position here because I can claim to know Olivia fairly well, I was already "in the loop" in a way on Liam's preschool escapades.
I do have some friends who are the greatest parents AND teachers a child could ever have. In fact, if I could betrothe my kids at this age, I'd match Emily with Robert so Olivia and I could be grandmoms together, and I'd match Natalie with the son of one of my homeschooling friends.
But, there is a flip side, and that is someone (I consider them associates, not real friends) who told me I was abandoning my children by letting them go to public school, and that any problems they developed would all be my fault for letting them know that I didn't love them enough to keep them home and teach them.
It's not a question of love, and I know you guys know that. I don't think anyone could question Olivia's love for her husband and her sons. If they did, I'd punch them in the mouth!
So I was projecting too, not wanting her to feel down on herself about this situation, I was not trying to insinuate that AJ and Farmgirl had done anything wrong.
posted
Oh, I knew what you meant! I was just feeling especially down yesterday, and Ron worked late. I didn't get to talk it out and I sort of spiralled down the "I really don't know what I'm doing and everybody thinks I'm a bad parent so maybe I am" road.
Thing is, not everybody thinks I'm a bad parent, probably not even the Methodist Preschool people. I just felt that way... felt like I had failed Liam somehow.
Truth is, though, I think it was the environment more than anything. He had been doing fairly well, then he just started hating to go to that school. The teachers began to expect him to be bad, and he realized he'd get to go home when he acted up... so there you go.
We met with the Boston Elementary people today, and "Miss Tracy" his teacher at their publicly-funded preschool, stated that she was appalled by the reports of his behavior, because she'd NEVER in over a year of seeing him, EVER seen anything like that in his behavior. Plus, she'd been calling them and getting good reports, then suddenly the report was "We've had to send him home three times in the last two weeks." To which she replied, "That is just wrong-- you're giving him positive reinforcement when you do that. He'll escalate." Which he did.
Theyu sent her an email THIS MORNING telling her to forget about the meeting (which had been scheduled for 8:30am today). She was so frustrated, because she felt like he had been set up to fail.
Funny thing... When we pulled into the parking lot, Liam said, "That's the RIGHT school!" And when we went to his old classroom (where the meeting was) he ran ahead, opened the door and said, "I'm BACK!" in a very excited manner. Everyone laughed and was glad to see him.
He hit it off with his new teacher. She and Tracy talked about how smart he is, and we went over his new IEP with all the goals being social, since he's testing above his age in everything else.
One funny thing from the 'observations' made by the County person on Monday-- she wrote down eveything he said and did, for the whole 3 hours of class-- he evidently drank his water at snack time, belched loudly and said, "I'm the Burp Master!"
The child behavioral psychologist who sat in on the meeting (Doctor Lou) got a kick out of that. Heh. Tracy seemed to think that the adults at the old preschool expected him to be bad, and that he sensed that and met their expectations. She also thought it was funny that they made an issue of a four-year old burping. I did, too.
So, he starts at Boston tomorrow, from noon until 3pm, with older, more socially challenging children. They want him to come 4 days a week at first, to see how he does. And we will be trying to get him into a good local Presbyterian Preschool that has a lot more music and movement in the curriculum, plus smaller classes for next school year.
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Oh, and Ron's meeting with the old preschool went well. They admitted that there was a breakdown in the proceedure, because the county support was supposed to be called in to help him succeed there, not just to give the stamp of approval to placing him elsewhere.
They wanted him to send them a letter with suggestions about how to do it differently in the future. The main one being, of course, keep the parents in the loop. In any case it was resolved amicably, so that's good.
Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
At the very least, bump him up a full grade. The problem isn't that he is emotionally too young to deal with his schoolmates. It's that they are too young to deal with him on an equal basis: they are not his peer group.
From your descriptions, he appears to be a challenger. Keeping him in an environment in which he wins constantly would likely feel stifling. What you and the school label 'acting out' might very well be nothing more than his attempt to distract himself from the even greater destructiveness of pure&unadulterated boredom.
Place him in a group in which he must strive to be above average, and his energy will be engaged constructively in the effort to come up winners. ------------------------------------------------- whoops Looks like ya got it handled already. Skipped reading your last two missives before posting myself.
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I'm doing my G/T coursework right now, so if you wanna talk about that, Livvy, call me! I'm home after 1 PM and Abs doesn't get off the bus until 4.
It sounds like Liam is in the right place, now. He needs supportive teachers who understand what it is to work with gifted kids. I would actually advise AGAINST bumping him up a grade, unless Liam is exceptionally mature. He needs most be around kids his own age who have similar brain powers.
I'm being hassled to get my own bright kid to bed now, so I'll try to post more on the morrow, or talk to you personally.
Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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Belle -- thank you so much for your post. You did not at all offend me by your position, and you very much enlightened me. As I said, I don't know Olivet's situation.
While at first I posted it because I was only trying to think of what would be the best situation for Liam -- (that's why homeschool was just a suggestion) -- the fact remains that unless Olivet is totally comfortable with it and happy with it, it wouldn't work. A mom has to take care of MOM first, in order to be able to take care of kids. Too many mothers neglect themselves and their own needs, and then the stress bleeds over into the rest of the family.
I totally bow to those who know Olivet and her family needs. The homeschooling was only a suggestion. It sounds now like you have several other good suggestions and things are looking up in a positive way. My thoughts and hugs are defintely with you!
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