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It started out innocently enough.

I began to think at parties now and then...just
to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought
led to another, and soon I was more than just a
social thinker. I began to think alone -- "to relax,"
I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true.

Thinking became more and more important to me, and
finally I was thinking all the time. I began to
think on the job. I knew that thinking and working
don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could
read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the
office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it
exactly we are doing here?"

Things weren't going so great at home either.
One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my
wife about the meaning of life. She spent that
night at her mother's.

I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One
day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I
like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your
thinking has become a real problem. If you don't
stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find
another job." This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the
boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," She snapped "and
I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," She added, lower lip aquiver.
"You think as much as college professors, and
college professors don't make any money, so if
you keep on thinking we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently,
and she began to cry.

I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I
snarled as I stomped out the door. I drove off,
in the mood for some Nietzsche, with NPR on the
radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up
to the big glass doors ... they didn't open. The
library was closed. To this day, I believe that a
Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling
glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught
my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your
life?" Most of you no doubt recognize that line.
It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous
poster. Which is how I became what I am today: a
recovering thinker.

I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we
watch a noneducational video. Last week, it was
"Porky's." Then we share experiences about how
we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot
better at home. Life just seemed ... easier,
somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

Soon, I'll be ready to vote.

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Posts: 1368 | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged |