posted
It's nice to have somewhere like Hatrack to come back to... For the past week and a half, I've been disconnected from the internet, and it's actually been kind of nice. I realized how much entertainment I need, and how often I need to be distracted from my problems. I had something close to an anxiety attack because of my job and because of my overdue papers and because of my loneliness... It wasn't really very close, but it was something...
And now I'm here at work from 4 am to noon, thinking. This is actually the first time I've been up between the hours of six and seven in a really long time. Probably even years. I'm sure there's at least one minute in this hour in which I haven't been awake since 1998 or so. Maybe less, I dunno. I'm not tired.. I went to bed at nine.
This has been a strange, strange week. My roommate got together with one of my very good friends, someone I'd had a hopeless crush on for five months or so. And I realized that rather than being jealous of her, I was happy for them. I was, of course, jealous of both of them for being so... damn... happy. (laughs) Oh... But I was surprised at myself, and really a lot happier than I have been for a long time, just because the two of them are happy. Of course, I was attacked by loneliness, as happens to me always when my friends are happy. But it's something I've had to deal with before and something I'll have to deal with again. (As for my roommate, the thread title is in honour of her, being as she's a Brit. )
I got a job a while ago at my school, doing security, and that's where I am right now. It's not a bad job. It has all the criteria that I look for in a good job... Hours, pay, and the chance to post on Hatrack. I should be doing homework, but no... posting on Hatrack. The only problem is the hours. For one thing, very few people are on Hatrack at 4 AM... But for another thing, I hadn't realized how very bad fatigue can get. I went to Tae Kwon Do on Tuesday and I couldn't do anything. I got tired so quickly, my legs shook when I got into a stance. I love my sleep, and since I'm not necessarily allowed to get it, it makes me sad. Break is coming up, so that will help a lot. My friends who already work here tell me that it doesn't get easier. It's amazing how quickly being tired can fall into your normal pattern. I just want to be able to sleep again, really.
Break... It'll be nice not to have to worry about going to class.. But stress and work and falling behind have already caught up with me, and I'll have to spend much of the break working on the homework that I didn't do before. I'm confident that I'll be able to finish it, I'm not worried so much about my grades, but the whole matter is gutting me from the inside out with stress. This is the point at which I realize that being a college student isn't all ramen and B-movies. There's actually learning involved! Learning and work!! (amazement!) I'm told by my upperclassmen friends that this one does get better. I hope it starts getting better soon.
Yesterday I went home to eat St. Patrick's day foodage with my family. We watched home movies from way back when, and I noticed things I hadn't when I had watched the videos before. I have asthma, and I've had it my entire life. Through the videos, I saw the way it had been when I was a child. Dear God, it hurt me to hear the noise my lungs made when I breathed in. It was so loud! And years later, along the tape, I watched myself run... slow down... start walking... then my head lowered and I slowed down again. It took a ridiculously short time. I guess I was just surprised to realize how much it affected my life, even back then.
Just some random reflections while I'm at work, hanging out and missing Hatrack. When break starts, I'm reclaiming my network cable and coming back. I miss this place too much to stay away for long. Being up at this time makes me wish that there was a window to the east, so I could see the sunrise. I don't remember for the life of me ever having seen one...
Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Take care of yourself, Ryuko, you're going to do fine. Just remember those old movies... run a bit, slow down, walk, head down, catch your breath, speed up, run again. For asthmatics and everyone, it's all about pacing... Posts: 2848 | Registered: Feb 2003
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Take ONE day of your upcoming break and just sleep and relax and do something for yourself at leisure. Don't make it all homework. You need to give your body and break and a chance to rejuvenate.
4 AM is an hour at which no person should have to be awake. You've certainly got more drive than I had when I was in college, especially when I was a freshman. The only time I ever saw 4 AM was coming in from the other side.
I remember one time when one of my roommates was commenting on late nights. He said, "Staying up all night was fun in middle school. In college it means something has gone horribly, horribly wrong." I can recall very few times I saw the sun rise in college that didn't follow that rule.
You know, college is a lot of work, but I hope you have time for fun as well. There will never be another time in your life that will be like your undergraduate years, and I think it's important to make the most of them. Now, you could do like I did and get very poor grades for your first two years because you're having way too much fun, but I think there must be a happy medium. Just make sure you have some you time.
Posts: 4534 | Registered: Jan 2003
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Got to bed and do some homework! Wait, that won't work. It's too bad Hatrack doesn't actually replace sleeping. I know I was up and at it too late last night.
Okay, this will scare you. Staying up late can make you fat. I know you are probably thinking being awake uses more calories than being asleep, but it also causes a host of biochemical resistances, including the dreaded insulin resistance. Staying up until four is like eating mashed potatoes with maple syrup on them. Are you scared? Or did I only succeed in making you hungry?
Not that there's anything wrong with being fat. But type II diabetes is best to avoid.
Posts: 383 | Registered: Nov 2003
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