posted
I see Hatrack has a lot of potential matchmakers lurking around. So, I would ask for some help, since I am such an inexperienced one. So, I humbly ask any potential helper to read and see if you can give me a hand.
Last Sunday I went to a japanese restaurant with my girlfriend and three friends. It was near the beach, one could see the ocean and feel the breeze...they even had that low tables with cushions. Very classy place. Well...that doesn’t matter. Let’s get to the point. Two of my friends are brother and sister. Let’s call them (that’s not their real names) “João” and “Carla” (typical brazilian names, if you are guessing).The other friend is female. Let’s call her...”Maria”. All three of them are mid-twenties and have a college education. João and Carla did not know Maria up to that point. Well...during the lunch we all noticed that João and Maria were getting along very well. They both are History majors (and teachers to boot), they seems to like the same kind of movies, they both like D&D, they even discovered their favorite Heavy Metal bands are the same (Blind Guardian). Usual routine. Me, my girlfriend and Carla noticed that they seemed to forget that there were five of us, over there. My girlfriend jokingly suggested that the three of us moved to another table to make room for João and Maria. The problem is: both are very shy. After lunch, while my girlfriend, Carla and Maria went to the bathroom (why women always do that together? And why does it takes them so long?), I went to the local bookstore with João. We were talking about some books when, suddenly, he says: “Eduardo, does Maria have a boyfriend or something like that? It’s hard for me to like anyone, you know... but I feel... different, talking to her”. The thing is: Maria doesn’t have a boyfriend. She used to date another friend of mine, for about two years. He was her first boyfriend, and they had a very nasty breakup nearly two months ago (he dumped her in a way that...let’s say that I would consider hitting him in the face if she was my sister). After that I had some talk with Maria. She seems well now, but she is a fragile person, and her emotional wounds are still tender and raw. João asked me if I could invite Maria again when we decide to hang out, and maybe get my girlfriend to ask her some tentative questions about João. I’m a little torn on this: I think both are a perfect match for each other (I’m such a dumb person! I should realize somethink like that could happend between them). I’ve known both for many years, and both are great (albeit geeky, nerdy, but so am I, hehehe) persons. I just don’t know if Maria is ready for a relationship right now. But then, who am I to decide? She’s a big girl, and she’s able to take care of herself very well. Oh, well...and other problem: I never played the matchmaker before, so I’m afraid to blunder this one. João already called me last night to ask if I had some idea. People, what should I possibly do? Ask him to work his way to her alone? Help him? (but then, how?) Tell him to give her a little time? Tsc...just in writting this I’m already making a fool of myself. They both are really nice, and I’d really, really like to help, if I can. Please, people, share your oppinions. Maybe you can offer me some insight.
posted
You should help him by arranging another opportunity for them to see each other in a group. That way there is less pressure for either of them than if they went on an actual date.
Don't worry about giving "Maria" more time. As you said, she's a big girl, and if she hasn't expressed to you that she needs more time or anything, then you have no real obligation to make that assumption on her behalf. Clearly she can (or should be able to) let "Joao" (yeah, I can never figure out how to type a tilde) know herself if she needs to take things slowly, or if she's not interested.
In my opinion, the best kind of matchmaking is to simply provide a socially safe opportunity for people to get to know each other. Sounds like you are doing that.
posted
I agree with KarlEd. Go have another group dinner or something. Group finds a not-silly excuse to leave the two of them alone to talk for a little.
Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002
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posted
Yes, I don't think this is a terribly extreme form of matchmaking. It isn't like they are two perfect strangers, and one has already expresse interest. Having another dinner and leaving them alone for a bit merely lets the interested party voice his interest. It is up to your gf whether she thinks approaching Maria is appropriate. Even if she thinks it isn't, the dinner and leaving them alone for a moment isn't extreme.
posted
I agree with what's been said... if after the group dinner, she still doesn't get the hint, then I would suggest talking to her (or having your girlfriend talk to her). Be subtle, but clear. It's worked for me three times.
<-- the proud Yente of three happy couples
One couple is now going on 11 months!
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