Not that I've always been Miss Happy-Go-Lucky or anything, I've always had a strong streak of dull seriousness in me. In the past, though, it's usually been tempered by a love of life, a belief that things will always turn out okay in the end, and a general desire to enjoy things most of the time. Since I managed to attract and keep Mark, one of the most irreverent and joyful people I've ever met, I can't have been that unpleasant to be around.
But work is really crummy right now. I'm way, way overqualified for this job, which I thought I could handle when I started. My job description is basically "moves tables" , though I was hired with the understanding that I would also be very useful for fixing computers and such. Which I am. And for a long time, I found a certain amount of satisfaction in coming up with new and exciting ways to lay out 53 chairs in a lecture format.
Unfortunately, I managed to get myself into a really stupid situation. My boss, who's also a farmer and is very down-to-earth, was unhappy with how another of his employees was doing his (highly skilled and white-collar) job, which I happen to know how to do quite well. When this other guy went on vacation, my boss asked me to finish one of his projects for him, indicating that he'd like to just replace this guy with me.
"Great!", I thought, being totally naive and new to this whole workplace thing. I finished the project this guy had been struggling with for 3 months in one day, learning a completely new application and scripting language from scratch. Even I was impressed with how well I did. It seemed like a sure thing that I'd soon be getting a huge promotion to do this fun, challenging sort of work all the time.
And then the guy came back, and I presented what I'd created at our staff meeting (*wince*) and I realized that nothing was as my boss had made it seem. His boss wasn't even aware that I had done this, much less approving of it. My other coworkers weren't thrilled to see this other guy put in his place, like I thought they would be from earlier comments. And I felt terrible.
Part of it was my fault for agreeing to do this work and being so eager to, well, humiliate this guy. Part of it was my boss' fault for asking me to do something so (now) obviously inappropriate to my coworker. But the outcome is that my boss was reprimanded by his boss, and told that I was not to continue working on anything other than what I was hired to do, even if I can do this other guy's job better than he can.
So not only did I make a total ass of myself, I also realized that there was no way that any of the things my boss had said about promotions or new projects were going to happen. Just as I was finally discovering just how talented I am with that type of work, it was yanked away.
And now I move tables, help with Powerpoint presentations, loan out cameras, and, gallingly, help this guy learn how to do what I did so easily.
Part of me feels bad for complaining, since I really have it pretty easy here. I obviously have plenty of time to sit around and post on Hatrack, especially now that my interest in doing well here has taken a nosedive. I get paid pretty well to stare at the walls and feel sorry for myself, I guess.
But it's taking a huge toll on my outlook on life. My self-esteem is pretty dependent on my personal achievements, and this job is a huge dead end. Not only that, but it's taking time away from something I do take pride in, my animation project. I shouldn't be wasting my time here, I should be in the lab trying desperately to meet our class deadline. But... I need a paycheck.
Waaaaaaaah, poor me.
So yeah, I'm bitter. And I don't like it. I'm losing friendships, and I know I'm not as much fun for Mark to be around, on those rare occasions when I'm actually home.
I know that there are people here who have been in far more dire situations than this and managed to keep a positive outlook.... how do you do it?
posted
Wow, that sucks. The only thing you did remotely wrong at all was present it in public, and it's not clear if you did that at your boss's instruction or not. If so, this is entirely his fault. If not, it's a very minor mistake and not one worth anyone getting upset over.
Any company that refuses to use an employee's talents because it's not what they were hired for is asking for trouble.
Finally, there's no way you should ever "help this guy learn how to do what I did so easily." They made it clear you're a table-mover. They need to live with their decision.
Just enjoy the slack time and dream about shaking the dust of this place off your feet. It'll all work out eventually.
posted
I am, professionally speaking, in very similar shoes... except in my case the guy and I were equals, I did his project, by and large, *for* him, and he has been promoted twice while I haven't received a raise in two years and have, technically, been *demoted* in the intervening time.
And, yes, it sucks. Especially while spending $300 a month on marriage counseling and with a 5th child due in a couple of weeks.
All I do is keep reminding myself that there's always hope. The slump in the tech sector has to end eventually (and, it seems, may be finally ending if the bites I'm starting to get on my resume are any indication). Some days it's awfully hard to remember. But, one day at a time and "this, too, shall pass."
It probably helps that my marriage is finally getting on to an even keel and that we're communicating better than we ever have before.
My advice would be, keep plugging and keep your eyes open for opportunities to do what you love. Be prepared
posted
Well, the thing is, my boss hasn't learned quite as much from the experience as I have. In his eyes, apparently, it's insane that this guy should continue to work here when he doesn't do the job very well, and someone else who already works here does. It seems obvious and simple to him, and I bought into that for a while. In reality, this is a University environment. No one ever gets fired unless they do something criminal, and doing something as underhanded as replacing one employee with another is unthinkable. Of course. I get that now.
It's been my boss' idea to have me teach this guy. The guy doesn't seem to keen on it, he never comes to me with questions unless my boss makes him. *shrug*
It occurs to me that, if I wasn't living paycheck to paycheck, I could just quit this job and spend my time in the lab until I found something else. But I don't, and I can't justify giving up a good paycheck to become a drain on Mark, especially not with the wedding coming up so soon. Posts: 2220 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
Yeah. My animation professor pulled me aside a month ago and told me he wanted to hire me to help teach the class once things calmed down, but now things have (I think) calmed down, and no word... I'm thinking that isn't going to pan out. Which also isn't doing wonders for my mood.
It really helps to just lay it all out, here, really. All this stuff is swimming around in my head, and I haven't really thought it all through clearly until now. Seems like I need to make a decision to either stay with this job and it's paycheck until something falls in my lap, or quit and end up leeching off Mark within a week. I think that, right now, my higher priority is not leeching off Mark (again), so I need to suck it up and deal with this. Posts: 2220 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
you do. Specifically, talk to your Animation prof... people look for follow up and interest. One of the main reasons, apparently, that I am where I am is that I'm a nice guy and have been busy shutting up and playing the good employee, thinking, "my actions will speak for themselves."
Well, they don't. You have to make noise or people will assume you aren't really interested in pursuing things. Don't ask me why this is, but it's something I've learned in spades the last few weeks.
Posts: 3846 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
I think it is great that you took the initiative. Sure you got slapped down this time, but I'm willing to wager your willingness to go the extra mile will help you in the long run.
Yes sometimes idiot bosses will punish you for your excellence, but then it is good to know that in advance, for that is not the kind of organization you want to work for anyway.
Posts: 4116 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
I called the prof's secretary on Tuesday and asked her what I should do at this point, set up a meeting or just try to grab him after class. She said she'd ask him the next time he came in.... and it's now Thursday with no word from them. I'm imagining the worst... he's decided that he made a mistake in putting so much faith in me, and he's just trying to ignore me until I go away.
Yes, this is how my mind works!
As far as taking the initiative.... You know that Roadrunner commercial where the little girl is pulling out her diorama to the ripped-off version of "O Fortuna" and the dismay of the other students? That's me. I'm extremely competitive, to the point that it turns others off, or gets me in trouble as with the above situation. I've been trying to take LESS initiative lately. Posts: 2220 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
Ayelar From what I know of many profs, they are always a little bit at loose ends. Especially with a particular prof like this, there is nothing wrong with calling again. They want to hire people that want to work for them. You know he could have scribble it on his to do list when his secretary told him (if he is even organized enough to have a to do list) and then totally forgotten about it.
At the worst call the secretary again, and see what the status is.
The nice thing is that with either job you clearly won't be doing it for the rest of your life.
posted
Ah... corporate politics. I hate corporate politics. And I hate that moment when young people suddenly discover corporate politics, and it destroys forever their beliefs about how things work in the work world. That dillusionment is so sad....
posted
If you do contact the professor again, do it in person. That way you don't have to worry about whether he got the message, or just didn't want to tell you over the phone.
posted
Don't waste time with the secretary--talk to the professor directly, in person. I would just drop by during his office hours and ask him about it in a fairly conversational way, myself.
Sorry about the work situation--it sucks being used in someone else's political game like that.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
Yeah, you guys are right. I'll see if I can swing by some time when he's there... it's tough when I work full time.
Does anyone have any suggestions for the original question that I derailed myself? Given that I probably have to deal with this unpleasant job for at least a little while longer, what can I do to improve my mood, or at least not turn into a big humorless grinch?
Posts: 2220 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
Well, for one thing, stop helping the guy you showed up. There's no logical reason at ALL for you to do so, as it doesn't benefit you in any way and is only of questionable benefit to the company.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
Wow, that is so totally not a working environment I would be happy with. I have no patience or tolerance for company politics. Universities have such a bad reputation for it too.
Ayelar, if it were me, I'd start looking elsewhere. If you like to work (and it sure sounds like you do), you will be happier working at something that challenges you. Personally, I've had the best luck working for small companies where my lack of education (just 1 year of college) is made up for by my work ethic and (modest) gift for working with computers. There are brilliant people far better at this stuff than I am, but brilliance with a bad attitude doesn't get the job done. And doesn't keep the job when cutbacks start. (I hesitate to tell you how many stunningly intelligent programmers I've worked with who were, unfortunately, almost impossible to be around for any length of time. They don't work here anymore.) I think small companies are better positioned to recognise a person's individual gifts and move them along than a large company. The danger is outgrowing the job and having nothing else to move toward internally.
Also, since I absolutely hate company politics, it's important to me to find the right culture. I'd almost rather take a job I didn't particularly like if I could work in an environment that is fairly positive and growth oriented.
Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
The logical reason is that my boss has told me to. And told him to ask me to. I've told my boss that this makes me uncomfortable, since his boss told him to tell me to stay away from all things high-tech, but since his boss didn't tell ME, he's free to manage me as he sees fit. As he said, it's not me who would get in trouble. And since I don't want to make a big stink about it, and because this guy really does need my help sometimes, I help. Posts: 2220 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
But out of all of this crapola, what really gets my goat is that, at every weekly staff meeting now, this coworker is talking about getting into 3D work. It's something they're interested in using for teaching around here. He knows nothing about this medium or its complex tools, and yet he's going to be the guy who does it. Even though my boss keeps hinting that he'll find a way for me to be involved with 3D projects, I now know that that's a load of well-intentioned bull, and it drives me up the WALL that this guy is going to be muddling through Maya. My precious Maya! My precioussss..... Posts: 2220 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
My job is getting less pleasant as the kids are going nuts with Spring Fever and acting like little jerks and the directors are constantly changing things on us. It's much easier for me because I'm done when school lets out on June 11th.
What has gotten me through some really crummy jobs is deciding not to do anything that I didn't want to do, wasn't being paid to do, or hadn't been trained to do. I just said no, politely and firmly. It was amazingly freeing and made work bearable.
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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posted
*thinks Mrs.M is a =Saint= to work with the kids she does under the circumstances* That's a really great tip.
Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
I have 21 days of school left. My strategy is to get through 4th period. If I can get through 4th (and 5th) periods, I can finish the day. Which is sad because I only teach 6 classes. But 4th is my most difficult. I can't motivate them; I can't threaten them. Nothing has worked. Sometimes it works to give them candy.
But, if I can get through 21 more school days, the next day is my Wedding followed by 3 months off.
Ayelar, I hope you have something to look forward too. Do you work during the summer at your University?
Posts: 1735 | Registered: Mar 2001
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posted
Yes. And I'm too busy to spend any time outside, unless it's the time it takes me to walk from work to the lab. I get these brief moments of serenity where I accept that this is not permanent and I could be a whole lot worse off, but it's usually only a few moments before I'm back to glowering and snarling at people. Or at least wanting to glower and snarl. Posts: 2220 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
Maybe just get out long enough to remember you're a human being and not just a student/underappreciated lackey/computer genius? And entitled to be happy about things like sunshine? Music is also good.
Posts: 377 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
Update: Okay, so I met with the prof last night, and he definitely still wants to hire me to help teach next semester's class. BUT... of course, it's going to take some doing, and it'll be at least another month until I can get anything official. Which makes me really nervous, and sort of disappointed because I really want to be whisked away from this job nooooowwww.... whiiiiine....
But at least my fears of him changing his mind were groundless.
And back on topic, I've been doing a lot of thinking about why I'm not happy, and I can't deny that I'm really holding myself back. I've got this huge smoldering pit of resentment towards certain members of my family, developed gradually over the last 3 or 4 years. I remember when I used to think of them with a feeling of pity, sorry that they had come to see the world in such an ugly light. But after years of their lousy treatment and personal attacks, I guess I've really grown bitter when it comes to them. I gave them countless chances to change, I explained ad nauseum how they were hurting me, I forgave and forgave and forgave.... but nothing changed. And now, whenever I think about them, this huge black storm cloud falls over me and I'm overcome by resentment and a bitterness.
It occurs to me that this is something I need to deal with, or it will continue to eat away at me. I read somewhere that resentment only hurts the person who is resentful; it doesn't do any good for anyone. But I feel like I can't stop. Whenever I think about regarding these people with kindness or understanding again, I'm terrified. I feel like, if I let myself stop actively disliking them, I'll be letting my guard down and allowing them to hurt me again. I don't want to make it better, I just want it to go away.
So yeah. Resentment as a defense mechanism. How the heck am I going to fix this? How can I? Does anyone here have the answers?
Posts: 2220 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
Re: your family, understanding them doesn't mean trusting them, nor necessarily putting yourself in a position of weakness. If what you say is accurate, you don't owe them anything -- know they exist, live and let live for whatever's now past, and go on with your life without giving them the emotion they probably don't deserve. That is, forgive their crimes and forget them -- if they make you this unhappy, you're better off cutting ties with them.
Unless, of course, you have a burning desire to become the sister/daughter/cousin you never had. But if there's nobody in your family you particularly want to associate with, put the past behind you and live the life you have with people worth living it with.
Posts: 3293 | Registered: Jul 2002
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