This Saturday, my son graduates from DeLand High, unless there's something he's not telling me. While I have not been formerly asked to speak at his graduation due to time constraints and because no one's ever heard of me, still I would like to take this occasion to pass on the important life lessons I gleaned from my own high school years that have since helped guide me in my career, relationships, and felony record.
The kids who are popular, athletic, and perfect in high school will be the ones that continue to succeed effortlessly all of their lives. Toady up to them shamelessly so they'll remember you at your job interview.
An authority is someone smarter than you, on one subject.
You can do anything in the world you can imagine if you wait until the very last second and get your mom to help.
Posts: 7790 | Registered: Aug 2000
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quote:You can assert your uniqueness by wearing black clothing, odd hairstyles, and shocking jewelry. It works; kids have been asserting their uniqueness the same way for a hundred years.
We just got Goth-served.
Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
Why didn't I have this speech four years ago. It is all very true, and would have been very usefull, but I did figure most of it out on my own.
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
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Gotta disagree with the jocks still being popular etc etc... my fifth year high school reunion, all the "popular" kids and the jocks... were going to fat, got ugly, and had nothin going for them.
Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2001
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posted
Now my columns have to have a point? Oh dear...
Some of them are funny because they're true (or sound cynical enough to be true), some are funny because they're demonstrably false, and some are just odd.
Posts: 7790 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
Most of these would also be true of society in general, especially working in a business office, with the possible exception of the hall pass one. Come to think of it, I worked somewhere where you almost needed that too:
quote:Always keep food and gum handy. Even if you don't need them they can be valuable trade goods.
Hall passes are more precious than rubies. Make sure you know how to make one.
There's no faster way to tell someone something than by telling their best friend.
It takes every man on the team to win the game. But only one of them will get pro offers.
Paper clips can be bent into the shapes of small animals.
Everything you commit to paper will come back at you someday.
Thinking outside the box confuses and frightens people in the box, such as teachers and employers.
To have a friend all you need is one thing in common, even if it's only a common enemy.
I suppose they are funny in an office too. Posts: 440 | Registered: Oct 2001
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posted
I took every single one of them to be life lessons that could be reasonably be inferred from high school that turn out not to be true (or at least incomplete).
Dagonee Edit: Which is why I thought it was freakin' hilarious.
posted
Well, in this case "they" would be me, and I don't check that often. It's embarassing to get fewer page views than an article on nose hair styles or something.
Actually I rank somewhere in there with the rest of our columnists, with the occasional burst if someone popular links to me. Enough to keep me doing it, anyway.
Posts: 7790 | Registered: Aug 2000
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quote: It's embarassing to get fewer page views than an article on nose hair styles or something.
I am disappointed: my google search on "nose hair styles" didn't find anything!
Great article yet again. And thank you for passing your wisdom on to me before I graduate... I'm sure it will prove useful...
Posts: 3420 | Registered: Jun 2002
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quote:While I have not been formerly asked to speak at his graduation due to time constraints and because no one's ever heard of me, still I would like to take this occasion to pass on the important life lessons I gleaned from my own high school years that have since helped guide me in my career, relationships, and felony record.
This sentence kinda jumped out at me and made me scratch my head. Was this s'posed to be "formally" and just slipped past the editors?
Posts: 1423 | Registered: Sep 2003
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