posted
I got the first part of the following from tt&t's landmark thread. It grabbed me as something true and of importance. So, I started adding to it and playing with the italics and bolding, and, when I finished, the end-result was:
"Love's the most important thing...
Love as though you’ll die tomorrow. Say all the things you want people to know. And don’t just say it, but mean it. Just be there for the people you love. And the people who love you. Life's too short not to."
Love as a lover, as a friend, as a human being. Don't stifle or hide it or question it. Love not for yourself, but for the other. Love each and every day. Because each day really could be the last.
If today were the last, could you say you really lived?
We all have made mistakes. And we all pick up again. We all achieve success. And we all fall down again. There are things in our lives that mean everything, and there are other things that mean nothing. And it is the strange paradoxical nature of human life that often leads the two to switch.
There is a difference in thought and in action. There is a difference in feeling and in expression. There is a difference in wanting and needing. ...But... I've let that stifle me far too much and for far too long before.
So I'm trying to find what I want - and not to run away with it, but walk towards it. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know where I'm headed. But I know where I am. And I know where I'd like to be. Hopefully, someday, the two will coincide. I don't know. But for now, in the meantime, I'm trying to be able to say that "right now, moment to moment, I'm doing just great".
When all seems lost, the worst way things could be is that, when someone asks how you're doing, your only answer is "I'm breathing. Beyond that, we'll see." And I'm starting to see that that's a lot.
Because it means you have a chance - it means you have some hope. And, in the end, that's all we ever really have anyway. (It's simply that when things are good, the hope is brighter and seems already real. And that, conversely, when they're bad, the hope seems small and chanceless.)
I'm not... eloquent with words. I try to be, but I'm not. I just hope I got enough of all that out well enough to give you some idea of what I was trying to say.
posted
Morgan, a lack of eloquence is most certainly not among your shortcomings.
But let me take your question one step farther, and connect it to some other conversational threads currently going on: what happens when you wake up at thirty years old, with a spouse and a kid and some hefty physical debts (and assets). And you're working at a job you never imagined you'd want as a child. And you're not particularly famous, and are starting to realize that you're not particularly talented. And you're at least fifteen years too old to be a child prodigy anymore. Heck, you're ten years too old to even be precocious.
And, yeah, you're good at your job -- perhaps even very good. And you're madly in love with your spouse. And you keep a good house and maintain good friendships and are, all in all, happy.
Is this a good life, even if it's not the life you imagined? I know Eddie struggles with this fear on a regular basis; he can't imagine being ordinary. Heck, I struggle with it, myself; how, I ask myself, did I ever become average?
But by what yardstick is it possible to measure the fullness of one's life?
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posted
I'll only say here that I am past 40 and I am not famous, or known for anything especially noteworthy. My job isn't glamorous and although I don't hate it I don't really love it either. But you know what? I have wonderful parents, even my mother-in-law is cool. I have a loving wife and a beautiful, happy daughter. And I am blessed with friends that love me and know that I love them. This, to me, signifies a fine and full life.
Posts: 2022 | Registered: Mar 2004
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quote:But by what yardstick is it possible to measure the fullness of one's life?
One possible measure is what you've created.
You, Tom, have helped to create a child. I think that means your life measures up to more than a yard, because children are really important and profound things to create. By virtue of having created a child, you have brought at least some new happiness into the world.
I wonder about this a lot, and I think for the time being I'm satisfied to create things (stories, music) that make other people feel something. Even one person is enough, at least for now. I'm not yet at the stage where I feel the need to have an impact on the world writ large.
posted
i am quite sure that tom and christy will help that child become someone that is both passionate and compassionate, thoughtful, and creative. the ripple effect in life is amazing and very hard to wrap your mind around in real concrete terms. no person and no act is isolated, we are constantly influencing eachother, and i hope that my influence is highly positive. i have been reading mohandas k. gandhi's autobiography, the story of my experiments with truth, and i am so stunned by the vast influence this single extraordinarily humble man had on the inhabitants of Earth. i really love this guy.
i think if we make others happy and are willing and able to find joy in this, than we truly are living a full and valuable life.
so often that essay of tom's about being a comet floats into my mind, and i am simultaneously sorrowful, enchanted, and almost obnoxiously optimistic. yes, some of us are comets; but think how millions of people gather under the night sky in dire anticipation for a glimpse of that one singular comet, that comet that only comes once in an age.
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posted
"If we make others happy and are willing and able to find joy in this, then we truly are living a full and valuable life." ~Porce
AND
"Even one person is enough..." ~twinky
Both of these ideas - both separately and together - ring so incredibly true to me and are part of the idea behind me saying "Love not for yourself, but for the other". It's an important lesson that I forgot for a while (too long. any time is too long) and am trying to reincorporate into my character.
"I am blessed with [people] that love me and know that I love them. This, to me, signifies a fine and full life." ~Punwit
Enough said .
"Why would it not be good just because it wasn't exactly what you had in mind?" ~Tammy
Isn't it amazing how some of - if not all of - our greatest blessings in life are those we never even dared to dream of or didn't even know were right for us?
I look back over everything that's ever really meant something to me and it's always been the people and things whose existence in my life I'd never even considered possible before. And I always found these things when I took a chance or a risk that put everything on the line - whether it was the dancing that I'd hated at first but soon became my passion, a love born of the most improbable cirsumstances, or talking to a stranger who soon became a friend.
Also important are the little, everday things that we so often take for granted or fail to notice but that, as a whole, really are the very substance of our lives.
...Perhaps loss, too, is a blessing of sorts. Because it shows us the blessings we do have. They may seem insignificant when compared to the things we've lost but... They're still there and are both something to hold onto in dark times and something to delight in when the light begins to shine again.
Though, ::laughs:: upon re-reading it, this thread could even be titled "How Morgan thinks" : Lots of quotes, random connections, lots of after-thoughts, and it's all about the lessons gained. Posts: 1548 | Registered: Aug 2002
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posted
Congrats to Pixie and TT&T for putting together something that is really drawing other people out.
Tom, I don't think I've heard you sound that open and vulnerable before; probably because I'm asking myself similar questions. I think the answer is that heroism and accomplishment, like charity, begin at home.... but I'm still sorting.
It's clear that you and Christy are deeply in love and connected to each other-- look yourself in the mirror and ask: is that *really* "average"?
The Center of the Universe is an infinitely small point: the little things matter, it's the big ones that don't. It's easy to say, difficult to believe (trust me, I know all too well, since I'm still working on it).
In all, there's only one yardstick to measure the fullness of life with: your own. Only you can accept yourself, and only you can decide what needs to stay and what needs to change in your life. A life is a work of art, a creation of will and choice. There is no "average" between Monet and Pollock, Beethoven and Hendrix. Some people may love one and hate the other. Some may despise both. Some fortunate few may be able to see the beauty in all of them. None of their opinions matter. It's *your* masterpiece-- and you decide, moment by moment, to make it what you want it to be. It is what it is. SOme lines can be erased and redrawn, some must merely be incorporated into the work, because they are permanent and irrevocable. In the end, though, it's your painting, and, like any other piece of art, you have to do it for yourself... and then look around to see who appreciates it.
I had a band. We sold about 200 CDS, not even enough to pay for recording the first one. But there are seven or eight people out there who think it's some of the best music ever made. I can be proud of that because it was exactly what I wanted to it be. to paraphrase from above: even touching one person is special.
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posted
"It's clear that you and Christy are deeply in love and connected to each other-- look yourself in the mirror and ask: is that *really* 'average'?"
Methinks it's something most people would willingly and happilly sacrifice a lot for .
Posts: 1548 | Registered: Aug 2002
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posted
thanks for the bump pixie. i would have never seen it otherwise. i would comment more, but am just trying to figure out how to connect with the hatrackers. i used to lurk here a lot (rarely posted) and then stopped dropping in. i was curious this morning how things were and have to say that if conversation was this - thoughtful - back then, i may have been more active. maybe i'll become more - thoughtful - myself and be an insightful participant.
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quote: But by what yardstick is it possible to measure the fullness of one's life?
That post was well said Tom, and this is a very intriguing thread.
I would take creative license with that quote and ponder for just a moment if this is why mankind relys on war. After all, the victory of battle is instant gratification to the worst of a man.
I also once read that the measure of a Father can be measured by the happiness of his children.
I know these 2 thoughts focus on the male perspective, and I do apologize for not touching on the feminine. I also do not wish to imply that a person without children is a failure in life.
That is what makes Tom's question so very very difficult to answer with any intelligence!
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posted
"By what yardstick is it possible to measure the fullness of one's life? "
I think it's something we define for ourselves.
I can't say or tell what would be the best life for someone else. It's hard enough sometimes just knowing what is best for me.
I think, though, that that's actually what most of that first post in here was about for me: just how I wanted to live my life and what a good life was to me.
And you know what?
::beams:: I can honestly say that right now, moment to moment...
...I'm doing just great!!!
How about you? What's a good life to you? How do you plan to get there? Do you even have a plan at all?
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(It's simply that when things are good, the hope is brighter and seems already real. And that, conversely, when they're bad, the hope seems small and chanceless.) 
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