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That's all. She left and said she won't be staying here anymore even though all the big furniture she's taking is still here. I guess she's coming back for that on Tuesday. Man this really sucks. Oh, well. Time to move on I guess.
Posts: 1294 | Registered: Oct 2003
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:: Hugs :: Having seen my parents divorce, I can imagine what you're going through. Hopefully it's for the better, aye? :: hugs and proffers some chocolate :: Satyagraha
Posts: 359 | Registered: Jun 2001
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Ah, man Each step in this process is going to hit you like a blow. Just breathe, think about your kids, and let yourself hurt if you need to. You'll get through this.
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Been through the pain myself. All I can offer are the same platitudes everyone else will give you. Just remember that you can always vent the pain, frustration, anger, and rage on this board and you will get sympathetic ears.
Posts: 279 | Registered: May 2004
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oh, you guys aren't who I really want to punch. His name is Vince and he deserves many fists to the face. But I unfortunately am not the kind of guy tha would go looking for a fight, even if it's with someone who had relations with my wife. Dang it, just once in a while it would be nice to be one of those meat head guys that fight for no reason at all. Oh, well. Looks like no punches to anyone at all, real or virtual.
Posts: 1294 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Awww, beatnix. I'm so sorry. Try to put this in perspective, however. Now that she's moved out, you can truly begin to walk on the path to healing. Yes, there will be times that you miss her. But there will also be times when you begin to truly discover who you are. Focus on yourself and your children and let time help things.
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I have little advice that will help you feel better but a (((beatnix))) and an understanding ear can help ease the soul pehaps a tiny bit.
Posts: 2022 | Registered: Mar 2004
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Seriously. Some space and time is required to really get through this, over it, past it, whatever...
I think you'll be just great in the long run. You have shown yourself to be a great guy here, and I'm sure you will be fine eventually. Give it the time you need.
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Hang in there bud. As for revenge, I am pissed off for you too, but I think that revenge would leave you hollow.
I hope things work out for you, and will keep you in my thoughts.
But if I ever catch that Vince bastard in my back yard, don't think I won't show him the underside of my tractor and the 6 foot brush hog, all up close and personal.
(It shreds trees, my friend)
Posts: 1870 | Registered: Mar 2003
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You've just got to love the unstopable power of a brush hog! oh, what happy thoughts. But yea, revenge is a pretty hollow thing and not really worth the conseuenses if I was to go a bit overboard in the punishment (which is not a unlikely thing).
I'm actually helping her move some stuff here in a few minutes. I've been cleaning house all day stacking all her crap in a corner and she's on her way over to pick a bunch of it up and I think we're gonna try to get her bed and some of the bigger stuff out too. I'm kind of thinking the quicker the better and I'm trying to be a decent guy and help even though I was a complete butt head yesterday as she was moving stuff. I'm all bipolar about things lately. Ok about stuff one minute and then a complete wreck and really pissed the next.
Oh, well. All part of the healing process I guess, thats why I'm trying to get her out quickly so I can start to level out a little.
Posts: 1294 | Registered: Oct 2003
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The alternating between "I'm just fine, I can be the bigger person" and wanting to scream and throw things is very normal. Taking many deep breaths helps a little; focusing on being the bigger person allows you to gradually get there.
But it takes time. It's gradual, and you will slip back, over and over, to the "I want to hurt her" mode. That's ok. Just take more deep breaths, and try again.
(((((beatnix))))) You will get through this. And good for you for helping her with her stuff -- that's really very impressive that you have the emotional strength to do that. Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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(((beatnix))) When the last of her stuff is out, start that as day 1. Give yourself 364 more of them -- as a starting estimate -- then reassess where you are and what you want.
Really, my friend, take your time. Get to know yourself again. I'm betting you'll be very surprised to find you inside after all this time. And I believe you'll like what you'll find. And so will someone else. Someone who appreciates all that you can bring to a relationship.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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Are the kids still with you, then? I'm sorry if I haven't kept up on all the threads. Have you seen a lawyer yet? The ramifications of abandonment or even refusal of relations are different from state to state.
Posts: 11017 | Registered: Apr 2003
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As far as custody goes we've talked about a plan they call 3-4-5. Basically it's 3 months with one, then four the other than five back with the first. Over two years each parent gets a year with the kids and I guess this is what is most popular in Ohio Courtsright now, at least with the judges in our area, this is according to my lawyer. I'll probably wait a month or twoa nd thenmove to get the Divorce in motion. I want to give this new situation a minute or two to see how it goes and I also really just don't want to do the whole divorce thing yet.
And as the Video game suggetsion, i own a PS2, Gamecube, Xbox, nintendo 8-bit, and Super Nintendo, and a gameboy Advanced SP. So... I think I'm covered on that whole front. And yea, I've definately been playing the crap out of them all.
Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the listen board this forum has been for me during all this. You guys are awesome.
Posts: 1294 | Registered: Oct 2003
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As someone who sends their kids off alternate weekends and occasional nights beside that, I can't say I've personally dealt with anything like 3-4-5 (never even heard of it before).
You'll be far enough from your STBE that back-and-forthing is not an option, correct? What are the kids supposed to do about school? Are they really going to not see you for months and months at a time? Mine get antsy when it's been a full two weeks since they've last seen their dad . . .
If the kids are seeing a therapist with experience in these matters, I suggest consulting them ASAP. If they aren't seeing one, they SHOULD be. Even relatively calm divorces are very tough on kids; and this one has the potential (because of the infidelity and other previous issues) to get very messy.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Actually she moved about five minutes away so we are very close. and I don't forsee a huge problem of seeing the kids often. The idea of 3-4-5 is that they actually stay there each night but as far as we discussed it we will both have free reign to come and go with the kids as we please. But again, this is all just the beginning and I have no idea what will be the final desicion. Just trying to find best fit for the kids.
Posts: 1294 | Registered: Oct 2003
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She says she was unhappy and that I didn't treat her very well. It's my opinion that we both became very relaxed about each others needs. I definately wasn't husband of the year but I was oblivious to most of the things I was doing that hurt her because she never speaks up about anything. When I finally did realize things were a mess, she had already given up and decided she wanted out of all this.
PLus I blame some of it on her new job she took. Right after she strated working is when all the major problems started. PLus this is also where she met Vince. She made new friends who are not the most responsible and she started working hours that kept her away from the family more and more. It's like she's reverted to being a teenager. All she cared about was hanging out with peple from work and we all took a back seat to her fun.
I can also balme a lot of other things but who knows. I definatley screwed up by being insensitive but she also made her own mistakes by forgetting about our vows and family. So, who knows...
Posts: 1294 | Registered: Oct 2003
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I hate to sound blase about this because I'm not, but learn from your mistakes, realize all the mistakes were not yours and move on.
I have found that women can be shy about voicing problems and men can be slow in grasping the concepts. It's a double-edged dilemma with no real solution.
You might want to look into some therapy for yourself as well - talking to strangers with similar experiences (like us?) can be very helpful.
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