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Noah, I owed you a pun on the word string. This is it: I've started a thread.
But the thread is not about string. It's about you! Well, not you, but that other Noah. The crazy bugger who built a boat while the sun was shining and put animals two-by-two into it and left out the darned unicorns.
Just to make it less limiting, we can include all the patriarchs. That should be the genesis of many a fine pun.
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I like to think of the animals all strung out in a line, or the Ark bobbin up and down in the water.
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Actually, I think the ark landed on a mountain that thereafter was called "Mount Ararat" in honor of the most pressing need after more than a month closed up with pungent rodents.
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I suppose Noah took some pride in building a boat the like of which had never before been seen. He probably boasted that his archetype was a trend setter.
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When the deluge subsided and the ark hit land, Noah could barely control the excited horses who were doing their best to crash through the gates and race out across the land.
You know what some horses can be like without the rains to hold them back.
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One of the younger children on the trip had a brief accident when he tried to go sledding during the storm. He was just wild about de luge.
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One of the folks on board was puzzled to see two aquatic birds waddling around below decks. Noah decided to ask God why they didn't just float out there on all that water. God replied that it was pair o' ducks and everyone should just marvel at it and be quiet.
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A giant long-toothed cat had been acting up throughout the entire voyage. Finally, when the boat landed, Noah looked at him and said "I'm not taking this lion down." And that's how the sabre-toothed lion became extinct.
This is not a pun, but I just thought you might be wondering what Noah et al did during the long voyage. Well...a good part of the time was spent making up those jokes that start: "What do you get when you cross a ..."
posted
Everyone probably has a theory about the Ark and how it was able to stay afloat considering the pounding it was likely to have encountered. I'll share my theory with y'all. The Ark was engineered to withstand more abuse than any vessel before or since. Not even the most modern ships can boast the number of braces that the ark can.
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Noah kept records of everything. By the time the voyage was over, he had an extensive arkive compiled.
Unfortunately, Noah had many allergies. The wood, feathers and animals set off his migraines. He suffered mightily from his headarks.
There was another person in Noah's village that built a vessel too. He tried to follow Noah with his boat when the waters rose, but Noah was a hard ark to follow.
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The floating of the ark was a feat not equaled until the voyage of Jason and the arkonauts.
Years later, when human society had finally been reestablished, Noah was a successful banker. He found that sitting in his office making lending decisions gave him the solitude he most craved after all that time in the cramped boat. Yes, he was living out his life-long dream of floating a loan.
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Noah had to cut a lot of wood to make his boat. While cutting trees, he came upon an old sack with a gem inside, very tiny but exquisitely cut. His most valuable possessions were his little rock, ark an' saw.
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How did Noah fall off the ark, you ask? Well, the Sumerians were mad that Noah got credit for saving the world, so Utnapishtim off the boat.
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quote:Yes, he was living out his life-long dream of floating a loan.
All this finagling meant he had to get some insurance. You know what that means. They had to determine his rates by examining the arkuarial tables.
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I think I will keel over and die if i read more of these! It is so hard, as it is, to keep my ballast.
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Sndrake mentioned that Noah kept exhaustive records. What he didn't mention was Noah's acerbic wit. The arkhive is full of stinging references.
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Even though God told him to focus on the future, Noah became fond of giving a stern look now and then. because the boat was symmetrical front to back, however, he never knew what fore.
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One of Noah's sons was billeted next to the enclosure for spiders. He woke up with spiders all over him on more than one occaision. Once they landed he would never get close to the ark. He had the first verified case of arknaphobia.
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