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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » The monkey's paw -- a game (Page 1)

  This topic comprises 31 pages: 1  2  3  4  ...  29  30  31   
Author Topic: The monkey's paw -- a game
Bob_Scopatz
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Here's the game:

Person 1 posts their wish.

Person 2 "twists" it into something dark and evil that backfires on the wisher.

Some simple rules:
You can't make compound conditional wishes like:
I want all the money I could ever use, but I don't want it to be inheritance as all my relatives die and I don't want it to be post-humous or to get it because I'm discovered to be a rare medical freak who gets paid to show off...

No, your wishes have to be simple things like:
I want to never have to worry about money again.

or

I want to be the most beautiful person in the world.

Simple. one verb, one subject, adjectives to your hearts content.

Points (ha, like I'm actually to score these) awarded for:

wishing for something that the next person can't twist into something REALLY REALLY EVIL.

and for

twisting the wish into SOMETHING REALLY GRUESOMELY CREATIVELY EXTRA SCRUMPTIOUSLY EVIL.

Once you've posted your evil twisting of the previous person's wish, post your wish so the next person has something to work with.

First wish to get us started:

I wish I had unlimited free cell phone minutes everywhere in the world.

[ September 27, 2004, 09:56 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

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Corwin
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Bob, do you *wish* those rules were applied? :innocent face:
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Bob_Scopatz
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Sorry, I was busy editing the post.

Your turn! Twist the wish!!!

Wish your own wish.

Do you dare?

The monkey's paw is laughing.

Well...sort of scratching in that way that dead severed monkey hands have...

Spooky!

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vwiggin
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Kenny G has your cell phone number.

I want to score 100 points in an NBA game.

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Scythrop
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Wish granted. Subject to an annual connection service fee, monthly subscription fee, weekly system access charge,handset registration fee....

Edit: clearly that was intended for Bob's post. I wish I hadn't replied so slowly.

[ September 27, 2004, 09:59 PM: Message edited by: Scythrop ]

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PSI Teleport
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vwiggin: You're one of Jerry's kids and they let you play out of pity.

edited for clarity.

[ September 27, 2004, 10:03 PM: Message edited by: PSI Teleport ]

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Corwin
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[Loud announcement]

And Mr. Viggin scores his 100th point in this game! His team-mates don't know what to do anymore, his trainer wants to get him on the bench, the adversaries are just sitting and laughing... When will Mr. Viggin realize... he's scoring at THE WRONG END?!

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Anthro
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You're recruited by the Milwaukee Brewers.

I wish to pass a Darwin-istically competitive chemistry exam.

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Bob_Scopatz
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The final exam involves sampling the compounds made by your competitors. You win by guessing why your intestines have liquified.

I wish to be popular.

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Lost Ashes
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Your wish is granted! You are very popular, most popular of all folks.

But you can't get rid of all of the house guests.

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Bob_Scopatz
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Um...now post your wish.

is this so hard?

Twist a wish
Post a wish.

Sheesh!

I wish people would read carefully!

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PSI Teleport
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For the record, I didn't post one because Corwin posted right after I did and I figured that kinda forfeited my turn.
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Corwin
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Ah, Bob, I'm just twisting your wish for the rules to be enforced... Probably so are the others?! [Wink]

Edit: About your last wish:
So did the guys who put the sign: "Danger! High voltage! Don't come near!"

Too bad for the 100 year old grandma who had to walk right next to it in order to READ CAREFULLY!

[ September 27, 2004, 10:22 PM: Message edited by: Corwin ]

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Lost Ashes
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I wish I had a 1969 Jaguar XKE.

(I really wanted to say "I wish Cotton was a monkey" but I remember how that turned out on the Lil Rascals...)

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sarcasticmuppet
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1969 Jag on it's way. It'll be shipped to you in 673 pieces over the next ten years.

I wish I had good high-speed internet.

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Anthro
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Well lookee here, you got yourself an AOL CD in the mail.

I wish I was six foot six inches.

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kaioshin00
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Wish granted. You are now a party platter sub from sub-way, devoured by starving sub-way employees.

I wish for global domination.

Edit: D'oh.

Edit #2 - forget my wish

Edit #3 - why don't i just do one to Anthros

Edit #4 - AHHH!!!

Edit #5 - I think I'm just going to delete this post

Edit #6 - Wait, I appear before Corwin, he should edit his post [Evil]

[ September 27, 2004, 10:28 PM: Message edited by: kaioshin00 ]

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Corwin
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Arthro: Granted! That's why people always jump over your mere two feet instead of going around all those six...

I wish I had enough time to sleep.

Edit: kaioshin: there's always the TIME when you edited your post to show that your edit was actually AFTER my post! [Big Grin]

And yeah, wish granted, I edited mine... Happy?! [Razz]

[ September 27, 2004, 10:32 PM: Message edited by: Corwin ]

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kaioshin00
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[Wall Bash]
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Corwin
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Err... Are you trying to tell me something, kaioshin? If I do that, I'll finally get enough sleep?! [Sleep]
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Dan_raven
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Corwin, you take the big sleep. Rest in Peace
Kaish, You get "World Domination" a very bad and virus infested video game that not only is boring and has 8-bit graphics, but it eats your hard drive and downloads all your credit card info and sends it to a clearing house in South Africa.

I wish for Peace on Earth.

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King of Men
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Cockroaches do not fight wars, even mutant cockroaches.

Edit : Oops, forgot my wish. I wish to pass my Qualifying Exam.

[ September 27, 2004, 10:43 PM: Message edited by: King of Men ]

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Dead_Horse
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Wish granted. But unfortunately, you drove right by the building on your way to take the exam, and now you are in Florida and out of gas, and the test is over.

I wish the hill between my house and the nearest wireless service was 200 feet shorter.

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King of Men
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Certainly, an earthquake just made it so. Pity about your house. But I think you misunderstood my wish : I've already taken the exam, I'm wishing the graders will be kind and gentle.
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narrativium
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Granted. The graders put a sympathetic note on your exam next to your miserable score.

I wish I had an airplane.

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FoolishTook
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Wish granted! Fully-loaded, but with a 0% survivability rating.

I wish I could get a story published by a respectable magazine.

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Shan
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Granted. Don't unfold it or it won't fly real well.

I wish that Mt. St. Helen's would go to sleep and stay that way.

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ElJay
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Foolish Took: Granted! They want it to illustrate their article on how not to write.

I shall leave Shan's wish to be granted next. [Smile]

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Teshi
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Here it is: Sorry, it's a bit low quality but toilet paper was all that was available.

EDIT: Too slow.

[ September 27, 2004, 11:17 PM: Message edited by: Teshi ]

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Leonide
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Foolish Took: Granted! Unfortunately, that respectable magazine is out of Tunisia.

I wish to be the star of a Broadway musical!

[ September 27, 2004, 11:17 PM: Message edited by: Leonide ]

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sarcasticmuppet
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Shan: Granted. Too bad the seismic disruptions leveled Seattle. And lots of puppies.

Leonide: Granted. Paint Yer Wagon is gonna be GREAT!

I wish I could lose 20 pounds.

[ September 27, 2004, 11:18 PM: Message edited by: sarcasticmuppet ]

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ElJay
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Granted! Shall I chop off your left leg or your right?
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Teshi
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Sorry about your head.

I wish I could write a wish that nobody else could twist.

EDIT: Is that mine since ElJay forgot to wish?

[ September 27, 2004, 11:20 PM: Message edited by: Teshi ]

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kaioshin00
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Your wish goes untwisted, but it is also ungranted.

I wish for an endless supply of skittles.

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IdemosthenesI
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Too bad about kaio...

buried alive under a mountain of skittles.

I wish I had perfect understanding of American Constitutional law.

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Book
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The skittles are those terrible English skittles where the purples taste like decaying raisins or something.

I wish I could kill a man with a powerful gaze.

EDIT: Too slow.

The total comprehension of the American Constitution is so twisted and erratic that your brain dissolves in a series of anyeurisms.

See above wish.

[ September 27, 2004, 11:28 PM: Message edited by: Book ]

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IdemosthenesI
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Geez, when you get riled, your loved ones and familt drod dead left and right. You have to wear an eyepatch all the time to keep it at half-power.

I wish I could turn invissible whenever (and only when) I wanted to.

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Teshi
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EDIT: That was terrible.

I'm sorry? Did someone just speak? Hello?

EDIT: Explaining my answer: well, I was going to pretend you were invisible at the time that you spoke and therefore your wish confused me. But it's true, it was a bad twisting and I apologise.

I wish I could calculate square roots in my head.

[ September 27, 2004, 11:41 PM: Message edited by: Teshi ]

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IdemosthenesI
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I don't get it. How does that twist my wish? I think you're cheating!

Savantism is sure nice isn't it. You can calculate square roots better than anybody. It's just things like public disscourse and social interaction that are impossible.

I wish I could fly.

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kaioshin00
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You gain the ability to calculate square roots in your head. One day, you happen to be thinking of the square root of 65536, and you randomly wander in the path of road runner, who stops near you and says *beep beep*. At this very instant, Wile E. Coyote drops a 1 ton anvil aimed at road runner but it indeed lands on you, and you are crushed.

I wish I could flyyyyyyyy.

Edit: oops, too late, but we wish the same thing!

[ September 27, 2004, 11:37 PM: Message edited by: kaioshin00 ]

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pooka
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American Constitutional Law: You receive a perfect understanding by traveling back to the days of John Jay, but your time machine breaks and you can't get back to the land of warm showers and toilet paper.

(And only when) constitutes a violation of the rules. But I'll do it anyway... Unfortunately when you rematerialize you are always nude.

You can calculate square roots in your head, but you can't stop... you just keep calculating and calculating until you run out of memory and fall into a coma.

My wish is to be a rock star.

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Bob_Scopatz
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Sadly, you wish you could land. But you are out of wishes so you just crash instead.

Rock stars are the ones that are out of helium and hydrogen fuel. You are dull and lifeless.

I wish I knew in high school what I know now.

[ September 27, 2004, 11:41 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

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IdemosthenesI
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I think the twist should have to be a direct cause or result of the thing being wished for. Some of these are just silly. Too tangential ruins the game.

For example, OSC's story Middle Woman includes a game much like this. The woman swishes her farm will always and forever produce enough food for her family. The dragon gobbles up her family so that even if it produces nothing, it will always produce enough. It wouldn't have been any fun if he had said "Okay, but it produces so well that one day you will be walking in the fields and the plants will be so heavy with bounty that they will obscure your sight and a skunk will be hiding and spray you and you will be so startled you will back off of a cliff.

Keep it simple.

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Goody Scrivener
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Pooka, the rocks quite love you. However, human beings can't stand that horrid screeching you call music [Razz]

I wish I could eat anything and not have to watch my weight.

Goody

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pooka
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You don't have to watch it because it will always stay at 300.

I wish hot dogs didn't cause cancer.

[ September 27, 2004, 11:46 PM: Message edited by: pooka ]

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IdemosthenesI
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You can eat anything and not have to watch your weight, because you are so incredibly obese it doesn't matter in the slightest.

I wish I DID have a time machine, that could go both ways. (No random breakages, please. How is having a time machine IN ITSELF evil?)

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blacwolve
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You go back to high school now.

I wish I was self confident.

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pooka
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Idem: your time machine only travels 5 seconds in both directions.

blacwolve: Your self confidence is so great that you cease to rely on anyone's frame of reference, even for the definitions of prepositions.

My wish: That dogs and chewing gum were illegal.

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Bob_Scopatz
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A massive black market in dogs results. And the chewing gum street wars -- let's not even talk about it. Pushers on every corner selling Chiclets!

I wish I could come up with the unifying theory of EVERYTHING!

[ September 27, 2004, 11:50 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

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IdemosthenesI
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You do. Talk about a Cassandra complex, though. Nobody believes you.

I wish I were God.

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