posted
I had a piece of cake with some kind of alcohol in it as a missionary. I didn't really notice until halfway through when the taste built up. I also bit into a chocolate covered cherry filled with kirsch. Blech. Definitely a taste I don't care to acquire.
I also stumbled upon two people having sex in the tall grass of a park. Whoops. Is that a common thing in western Europe?
Ruth, not only did you meet him at BYU, you met him specifically at Brick Oven.
[ October 18, 2004, 11:34 AM: Message edited by: advice for robots ]
Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001
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posted
I saw some movie in spanish that was set in the 19th century where some dude and some chick got married and on their wedding night, the bride was covered with this sheet that had, like, a hole in the middle so she never had to expose herself and be seen, but the groom could do his husbandly duty and get her with child.
I am thinking this practice is probably used in many Mormon households.
Just kidding. Please, Mormon couples, do not flood the thread with posts about your hawt, hawt sex life and how awesome your SO is.
Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002
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posted
Um. . . at this point, I'd like to seriously state that none of what I posted above was really true.
This was meant to be a thread in which the foibles of your Mormonism are to be caricatured.
So, kat, you may have posted, "I have only flower-pattern dresses in my closet, and of those, I never wear the one that shows the lower half of my neck."
Another example--
The Hierarchy of Acceptable Authority:
God Christ Lavar Edwards Holy Ghost (No body, after all. . .)
Posts: 14554 | Registered: Dec 1999
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I have a closet full of flowered dresses. (Which I never wear, and that's if you count skirts, which I still have from my mission.)
I've said "Oh my heck" unironically. (Sadly, this is true. I went to college in Utah. My best friend made fun of me for it immediately and I never did it again, if that helps.)
I own more church videos than videos from Hollywood studios. (Because (1) I'm cheap, (2) I have Netflix, and (3) the videos are from my mission.)
*grin* I do think this is funny.
Added: *considers* I wonder what it says that I took your opening posts completely literally.
quote: There are Jews in the world, there are Buddhists, there are Hindus and Baptists and then there are those that follow Mohammed -but- I've never been one of them. I am a Latter-Day Mormon and have been since before I was born, and the one thing they say about Mormons is they'll take you as soon as you're warm. You don't have to be a six-footer. You don't have to have a great brain. You don't have to have any clothes on, you're a Mormon the moment dad came ...Because... Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great, If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate. (2x) Let the heathens spill theirs, on the dusty ground. God shall make them pay for each sperm that can't be found. Every sperm is wanted, every sperm is good. Every sperm is needed, in your neighborhood. Hindu, Taoist, Baptist, spill theirs just anywhere but God loves those who treat their semen with more care. (misc choruses) Every sperm is useful, every sperm is fine. God needs everybodies, mine, and mine, and mine. Let the pagans spill theirs on mountain hill and plain. God shall strike them down for each sperm that's spilled in vain.
posted
Aw, that's not a good satire because it doesn't strike at truth. Mormons can use birth control no problem.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
I'm so Mormon I once walked into Albinos Anonymous and didn't realize I wasn't in church until one of the testimonials thanked his wife for supporting him and I realized he had only one.
I'm so Mormon I make Southern Baptists look good on the dance floor.
I'm so Mormon milk makes me tipsy, and grape juice has me committing probably illegal acts with my enemies' mailboxes.
Heh, crap, there's no real Mormon jokes, are there? According to the stereotypes you're redunkulously white, remarkably prudish for having so many wives, and oddly fond of Jell-O for a culture which regularly eats babies. Only so many to pull out of THAT hat...
Posts: 3293 | Registered: Jul 2002
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quote:I'm so Mormon I make Southern Baptists look good on the dance floor.
*laugh* Okay, this one may be true. All the dancing Mormons I know/knew can swing, but that's it. Except the Latinoes here in Dallas can salsa.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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quote: Well, that cake as a missionary was probably the first time I ever tasted alcohol.
the first? what other occasions were there?
I always take the sacrament with my right hand and feel faint if I see someone using their left. (or is it the other way around?)
Posts: 3956 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
I'm so Mormon I actually care about the BYU/UofU football rivalry, but I'm not Mormon enough to root for BYU.
Posts: 1652 | Registered: Aug 2003
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Uhhh, the chocolate covered cherry. That's it, I swear. Unless you count talking to drunks who were so pungent with the stuff that my blood alcohol level rose a few points through osmosis.
Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001
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quote:I'm so Mormon I actually care about the BYU/UofU football rivalry,
When I was in high school, I went to Y Weekend the weekend of the UofU/BYU game. I decided I wasn't particularly meant to go to either school when I got home and realized that I couldn't remember who won.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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This is totally not the right place to mention that the season's first BCS standings just came out, and Utah is ranked #7 (#4 in the computers). Yahoo!!!
Posts: 1652 | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
Of course, the perfect riposte for my comments is, "Well, it's clear that Pres. Hinkley and Faust have repented, since they're both on the board of directors for BYU."
Posts: 14554 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
Okay, I served my mission in Idaho. There are more Mormon's in the state of Idaho than on the entire East Coast. No joke there. Just thought I'd mention it.
And katharina, as for dancing Mormons, I know, Cha Cha, Rumba, Foxtrot, East Coast Swing, Triple Swing, Lindy, Waltz, Tango, Quick Step, Mambo, and the Wobble Waltz, and I can do them all fairly well. But then, I'm kind of an a-typical Mormon. Posts: 3003 | Registered: Oct 2004
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Out of curiosity, does anyone know how many kids the general authorities have on average? I bet collectively it is not more then 4. I bet they use birth control, why does the general membership seem so willing to have 12? Or do I not understand the Mormon Culture?
Posts: 2445 | Registered: Oct 2004
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posted
Sure. I'll dance with anyone. <dance> Didja have fun? Just kidding. I might actually have a video of me doing the waltz for a test soon that I might be able to post...but I'll have to see on that one.
Posts: 3003 | Registered: Oct 2004
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posted
I'm so Mormon that I know how I'm related to YOU. Yeah, YOU.
I keep a journal in about 7 different places, just to make sure that my posterity can find it.
I have to hide my dear love of mocha flavored icecream and chocolate. (Nobody believes me that the coffee bean is as terrible as the cocoa bean!!)
Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
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posted
The last couple of Hatrack get-togethers have included dancing - CalvinMaker is an excellent dancer and teacher, and when we all met in Chicago, there was a group that went off to do swing dancing in a fabulous ballroom at the UofC campus. I love it, but I need a capable teacher, because I'm not really experienced. You'll have to come to one of these things sometime.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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quote: I bet they use birth control, why does the general membership seem so willing to have 12?
Oooh. . . maybe the Church leadership is hypocritically telling us to do one thing while THEY, in their highrise apartment buildings, live in comfort on the back of our tithing monies! Travelling the world on my dime! In their cushy private airplanes, and their ritzy limosines! In their $600 suits, and their $200 Doc Martens!
Repressionist dogs!
I'll bet that there's no way that I'm going answer you with any thing related to seriousness.
Posts: 14554 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
Katie: "I...I...I dress up like a nun for the ward halloween party."
Dave and I: "And...?"
Katie: "That's it. Isn't that HORRIBLE?!"
Dave and I: *silence* then, "YOU ARE SO MORMON!"
Katie did eventually explain the nuances of how bad it actually was to her and others. so we got it. but the initial reaction was funny Posts: 14745 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
That's funny mack, because Katie isn't the first sister missionary that I've heard of that has dressed up as a nun for a ward halloween party...I'm not sure if the others felt guilty about it, but I'm sure in hindsight, they've realized taht it's rather ironic. To say the least. Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
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quote: Oooh. . . maybe the Church leadership is hypocritically telling us to do one thing while THEY, in their highrise apartment buildings, live in comfort on the back of our tithing monies!
I am surprised by your comment. I was not trying to bring up the dichotomy in a way to disparage the church leadership.
Everything I have heard about the church leaders is that they are frugal, invested time and money in the church, and have a sincere desire for service.
Why the profound reaction? I did not even mention money. I was merely pointing out that they probably use birth control. I assume the official church position is to favor birth control and to have only as many children as you can care for.
My observation was directed to church members. Many seem to have more kids then the leadership. I recognize the majority doesn’t have 8+ kids, but 8+ kids is associated with Mormonism. I was just trying to understand Mormon culture.
What is your defensiveness about? Where did the mock tone of leadership oppression and financial indulgence come from? Posts: 2445 | Registered: Oct 2004
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posted
He was joking, lem. ScottR's a bit of a wisenheimer.
If you want a serious answer, the serious answer is that there may be a slightly higher birthrate per woman among Mormons, but it probably means average family size is 3.1 instead of 2.1 for the national average.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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This is just a great dobie!
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(Nobody believes me that the coffee bean is as terrible as the cocoa bean!!)
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