posted
BBCA (BBC in America) has a contest for a short story (1000 to 2000 words) to go along with their new series? which are updates on the Canterbury Tales. The winner only gets an i-Book, but it sounds like a fun contest.
I know there are a lot of would be writers, over the age of 18 that this contest has, who congregate here, so I thought I'd pass the word on.
My problem is I have an idea for a story, but the plot just isn't compelling enough. Ideas on how to do this would be appreciated.
Basically, its retelling the story of Hansel and Gretel, but from the witch's point of view--much like "Wicked" did with the Wizard of Oz.
The "Witch" in this case is a pleasant elderly woman who makes candy as a hobby. Suddenly her doctor warns her she is borderline diabetic, and must loose weight.
She goes on a "Low Carb" diet, but that means dumping all of her candy.
She either uses it as home decor, or donates it to the homeless--who begin calling her house "The Candy House."
Hansel and Gretel are two streetwise punk kids kicked out of their own home several times.
Here is where I don't know what I want to do with the story. Does the nice little lady try to kill the kids in self defence, after all they are breaking into her home, or did she really lure them into her house because, face it, plump German kids are a good source of protein and are extremely low carb. In the end, the kids kill and cook the little lady. Its only their word that she tried to cook them first.
How do I make this story more interesting in the telling? Would setting it up as a trial--"The State VS Hansel & Gretel" work? Would it work keeping the little ladies true motives unknown until the end be useful?
Other ideas?
(EDIT--Now I need a medication that would be commonly prescribed to an elderly patient for something common--Arthritis or Gout etc, that if taken in the wrong dosage, could be used to keep someone doped up, drowsy, or asleep. Any ideas Drug Guru's?)
posted
Your idea? Brilliant!!! But how to go about turning into print on a page? I would advise just going to your computer and opening up a word processer and just start typing. See what comes of it and post it at the Writers Workshop, and here, for help. I would love to read this story. Oh and Hansel and Gretel as, fat, German punk kids, maybe gang members? That would be fantastic. One more word of advice.....well actually two......BE DILIGENT!!!!!!!!
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posted
a trail would be interesting, but you'd need witnesses. Sort of like Rashomon meets H and G complete with several different perspectives including a medium speaking for the witch who says what can be more high in protein than two little kids? Little did she know what they had in store for her. Yeah... Rashomon... You could have a passing woodcutter, a wolf, a prince maybe?
posted
No trial. Keep the focus tight on her, but avoid first person voice. You want a third person view, zoomed way in.
And don't tell us whether she really intends to eat the kids or not. Have her fatten them up -- they look so thin, after all, and need keeping -- and lock them in their rooms at night to avoid having them steal anything else. And you can certainly show us signs that the kids are getting increasingly worried that she MIGHT eat them, if you're subtle. But I think it would be better to leave that issue entirely up to the reader's discretion.
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posted
Perhaps she's only fattening them up for the vicarious pleasure of watching someone else eat candy, since she can no longer do so?
Posts: 2245 | Registered: Nov 1998
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posted
Maybe the old lady is an unwitting participant in a reality show similar to MTV's Boiling Point. The kids just keep pushing her buttons until one fateful day....
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posted
As to the trial, I think it would be best solely if it were her portion of the testimony. It lets you use attorney's questions as narrative devices to take the story wherever you want.
It also allows a very interesting setup: we get her side, carefully concocted to help her make her case, then we get the other side in cross examination. The reader can decide what actually happened. Then the defense attorney can either redirect or you can let it hang with a nice, "The defense rests."
If you decide to go this way, there are a few easy rules about the type of questions and evidence allowed by each person. Objections, answer length, and question complexity can all control the pace.
The situation I percieved with a trial would be as follows.
The witch is dead.
The Prosecution is trying to round up evidence against the two delinquents, Hanzel and Gretel.
The Defense is trying to convince the jury of the children's normal innocence, as this was an act of self defence.
Witnesses: Witch's doctor, H&G's Step Mother, a counselor at the homeless shelter H&G frequented, and that the Witch was known at, the police who made the arrest.
I am a bit rusty in my court procedures. Who does the first opening statement? Defense or Prosecution?
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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OK, first is Prosecution opening statement. Then Defense statement.
Prosecution case in chief - he calls witnesses, asks them questions to elicit testimony. He is restricted in the types of questions he can ask.
Defense attorney (you need separate attorneys for each kid. One could accuse the other to try to get off) cross examines the prosecution witness. The questioning is generally limited to the scope of the prosecution's examination, plus impeachment. Leading questions may be used.
Repeat until Prosecution case is presented. Remember, the prosecution has to prove each element of the crime, but the kids likely have to prove it was self defense.
Defense then moves for defense verdict on grounds prosecution did not present all elements of the crime. Judge routinely denies. Unless you want to go somewhere with this, it's safe to leave out.
Defense then presents witnesses. Prosecution cross-examines. With self defense, likely the defendants have to testify.
Judge gives instructions to the jury. Then defense closing arguments, then prosecution closing arguments.
Then verdict, or possibly questions from the jury.
posted
Couldn't easily find a somewhat-modernEnglish translation on the Web, but you should read TheCanterburyTales (synopsis). Cuz they far far more closely resemble episodes of DesperateHousewives* or Sex&theCity* than they do Grimm'sFairyTales.
posted
Heh, not exactly like DesperateHousewives from what I've heard, but the tales were certainly more sexually aware than is typically considered in fairy tales.
I do feel your story idea, while good in a general sense, misses the mark of the Canterbury tales (or any modern retelling worthy of the name).
The tales were About Society (caps intended). While some were mediated by a fanciful aspects, those serve almost entirely in the form of parables or commentaries on Chaucer's society and contemporaries.
If you want to do a fairy-tale like setting, that's certainly fine, the Tale of Sir Thopas (for instance) has more than a bit of fairy in it. However, your choice of a common fairy tale, which will draw attention to itself and its relationship to the original form, may well undermine any connection with Society (or clever jabs at people you don't like). If you do go with a retelling of Little Red Riding Hood, keep in mind that to be a "Canterbury Tale" it needs to concern itself with society not just in apparatus (such as a trial) but in directed commentary.
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posted
When you put it up on E-Bay with the words--Won on BBCA's Contest, they may get the hint.
You are right in thinking this doesn't quite fit the Canterbury Tales mode. While they wanted an emphasis on Gluttony, this may be to fanciful. I have other ideas brewing as well.
Dag, thanks much. You've created a nice concise courtroom primer for writers.
One thing I will try to avoid, the Perry Mason syndrom, where the lawyer pulls out the convoluted proof that someone else did the crime, and that someone else automatically convesses.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
Thank you! I hate Perry Mason - that wasn't about lawyering, it was about investigating.
Good luck whichever way you go. In Trial Advocacy last year, they presented Jack's trial for theft, trespass, and criminal mischief in the Beanstalk incident. The jury was a group of middle-schoolers on a field trip.
posted
You could set it up so that the lack of a body led to a hung jury but with delicious irony it is revealed that the old lady was not only diabetic but also suffered from Crutchfield/Jakobs disease.
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But how to go about turning into print on a page? I would advise just going to your computer and opening up a word processer and just start typing. See what comes of it and post it at the Writers Workshop, and here, for help. I would love to read this story. Oh and Hansel and Gretel as, fat, German punk kids, maybe gang members? That would be fantastic. One more word of advice.....well actually two......BE DILIGENT!!!!!!!!
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