posted
My mother has been supporting 2 1/2 families for a few years. I have 3 brothers and 3 sisters. 3 of the 6 hit my mom up for money rather frequently. I never knew how much until recently. (I'll get to that). Anyway, for the past 3-4 years she has been watching my brother's kids all day long, getting 4 hours of sleep (if she's lucky) and then working full time as a nurse all night. She is often stressed out and it has affected her health, I'm sure, but certainly her well being. To be fair, though, she has been a bit of an enabler in this, and she has begun to recognize this. I've talked to her several times about trying to wean him off her support, but she has a hard time saying "no", especially when he uses his two kids as an excuse. To top it all off, he hasn't worked in 2 years (some of it on "disability", but it's the strange kind of disability that keeps him from working and watching his own kids, but doesn't keep him from doing whateverthehell he wants to do.)
Anyway, at the end of November last year, my Mom called me, very upset and in a lot of stress. One of my sisters and she had a pretty severe falling out, she was under the constant pressure of supporting my brother, and to top it all off she hated her job. (RN, last 9 years as Nurse supervisor and getting no support from upper management.) And she's living from paycheck to paycheck and has about 15k credit card debt. (She does not, herself, live extravagantly.) There is absolutely no sane reason for the debt. She makes more than I do. She has no (legally) dependant children, and she's divorced from my dad. But she has made car and house payments for my siblings. She has responded to dozens of pleas for money from them. etc.
Anyway, I'd just moved to PA, bought a house, and bought the place next door which I planned to rent out. I suggested that she move up to PA, get a job at the local hospital, and live in my rental. To my pleasant surprise, she did. I even offered to take over her finances for her in order to get her out of debt and act as a buffer between her and the mooches. She has accepted this help, too.
Well, now she's moved in. She has the job at the hospital. Things are looking up. But I get home from work yesterday and she is in tears. My brother called her yesterday asking for money to fix his truck. (She has no money at the moment. She didn't have the $800 to move herself to PA, and her last paycheck has gone to bills until she actually starts work at the hospital up here in PA.) She told him he needed to get a job. He said he can't because now he has no one to watch his kids. (His wife works and makes a decent income, but they live way above their current means.) She told him to get a night job so he could be home during the day. His response was some sort of implied "don't you care about your grandchildren" sort of blackmail, thus the tears.
So, to make this long and torrid story as short as possible, this brother and I are not particularly close and it's unlikely that he'd listen to me. But the way he mooches and manipulates my mother makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like a negligent son for having let things go on like this for so long and to have gotten so bad. And I want to call him and give him a piece of my mind. Should I? Or is it enough to just quietly help my mom back on her feet, give her moral support, and let her deal with my brother now that there's 400 miles between them?
And am I a fool to take on her finances? I know the mooching calls won't stop, but now they'll have to go through me. I think it's a good thing because clearly my Mom can't say "no" to her kids when they have a good sob story, and it could very well be that they do need the help when they call, but if my Mom doesn't have it, she doesn't have it. And as long as she is 15k in debt and has no savings, she truly doesn't have it, despite the fact that she could probably hock herself another 5k into the hole to support them before she's completely tapped out.
GRRRRR! just typing all this makes me wanna punch my brother.
posted
Just give her encouragement, and tell her to keep saying NO. Eventually she won't have to say it any more, because they will quit asking (or they might quit talking to her altogether, which would be good for her at this point.
It is kind of like weaning a baby. They will cry and scream and keep you up all night for the first week or so, but eventually they accept it. Her kids will find others to mooch on to take her place.
posted
Tell him that she doesn't have it, and ask him not to ask her again. Tell him if he needs money from her, he needs to talk to you, since you're handling her finances.
And he sounds like he's being a bit of a jerk. I'm sorry. (((hugs)))
Edit: FG, did you have to say that about weaning? I didn't want to know that, it's coming up pretty soon...
posted
*ouch* that is a hard place to be in. I think you being there for your mother and reassuring her that she's been a good parent is one of the best things you can do. The fact that she's let you take over her finances, means she *knows* that changes have to be made even if they are difficult ones, that will cause pain to others.
I have a co-worker going through something similar at the moment. He's taken two days of vacation because he and his siblings are having a conference on what to do with parents in rapidly deteriorating health (father may only have weeks to live because of terminal cancer and mother is in hospital with collapsed long and pneumonia) and their freeloader brother who still lives with his folks and sits in his room watching TV and drinking beer all day.
Life is rough sometimes. *hugs* You are doing the best you can for mom. I don't think I'd rile up your brother any further because it could likely backlash back to your Mom. They know they've been able to manipulate her in the past and will continue to try until they realize that you are the 'big meanie' behind it. Then their resentment will be directed at you but life will get better for your mother, other than them badmouthing you to her.
posted
First, you're clearly a wonderful son. No doubt about it. Any "mistake" you made was in respecting your mother's autonomy as a an adult, which is a good thing. You offered help and she accepted, but that doesn't mean you should have offered help earlier.
Second, there's not much you can do about the emotional blackmail except reinforce to your mother that it is perfectly acceptable for her to not go into debt to support her son's living beyond his means. Also, see if she would like to set up some system so that she can't really send them money quickly - some kind of built-in one-day delay before she can mail a check or something.
I'm not sure it's worth calling him and giving him a piece of your mind or not, but it sure must be tempting. You'll have to rely on your knowledge of your family as to whether that can do any good. If it can't, then don't bother.
The most important thing you can do is help your mom see that she's not doing anything wrong in taking care of herself and not driving herself into debt.
posted
I'm planning to sit down with her once she gets regular checks in from her new job, and establish a budget. I'm going to have the checks to her primary account and pay her bills online. I'm going to have one "bill" be her established allowance (whatever she thinks she needs and can afford). She will get her allowance check in the mail and will deposit it into a completely separate account at a different bank. As far as she is concerned, she won't have any money other than the allowance until she is out of debt. That's the plan, anyway.
Thanks for all the support. I needed the venting. I wish I were close to my siblings, sometimes, but we're spread out over 14 years and the whole country (UT, CA, NC, VA, and PA). I haven't lived near any of my brothers or sisters for any real length of time since I was 19. (I'm the second oldest of the 7 of us.) It seems like I know some of you at Hatrack better than I do some of them. That's pretty sad, isn't it.
posted
I think that is it great that you put geographic space between your mom and your siblings. That is going to help her a lot in keeping them from wearing her down.
posted
Does she have caller ID? It can be enabling once she realizes she doesn't *have* to talk to them all the time either, even if they are her children. For example if she knows brother X will be calling again and again about money, then it empowers her to only choose to answer and listen to messages when she feels emotionally ready to deal with it and/or has you at her side holding her hand.
She'll probably feel guilty about not answering to begin with, but it is something that will give her more freedom over time.
posted
Everyone has given great advice already, but I want to echo the sentiment. This is a good, wonderful thing you're doing.
Posts: 1163 | Registered: Jan 2005
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quote: And I want to call him and give him a piece of my mind. Should I? Or is it enough to just quietly help my mom back on her feet, give her moral support, and let her deal with my brother now that there's 400 miles between them?
And am I a fool to take on her finances? I know the mooching calls won't stop, but now they'll have to go through me. I think it's a good thing because clearly my Mom can't say "no" to her kids when they have a good sob story, and it could very well be that they do need the help when they call, but if my Mom doesn't have it, she doesn't have it. And as long as she is 15k in debt and has no savings, she truly doesn't have it, despite the fact that she could probably hock herself another 5k into the hole to support them before she's completely tapped out.
First, I would take out her phone so they can't call her. Buy her a cell phone, but don't tell them the number.
As to giving him a piece of your mind, I think that that's pretty much inevitable. You might as well grab the bull by the horns and send him an email/letter telling him that there's a new sheriff in town and these ARE the by God rules, and if you don't like it, then that's too freaking bad.
Good luck, Karl. You are a nice guy. I really hope this doesn't spiral out of control.
posted
Karl, you're one of the best, yanno that right?
Okay, sit down with your Mom and have her practice saying this for when he calls:
"Son, I really am interested in your life and success and I love my grandchildren dearly as you already know. I'd be happy to help watch them during the daytime and you're welcome to drop them off each morning on your way to work. Since I'm working nights now, you'll need to pick them up on your way back, but I'll be happy to watch them during the day."
"Now, about the truck. I understand how important it is to you but right now, I'm just tapped out. If my car broke down, I'd have to borrow money from Karl to get it fixed. I'm just really sorry."
Then just tell her to let it go. Make sure she uses your name so that your brother would have to know that he'll have to go through you to make another withdrawal from the Good Mommy Savings and Loan. And if he has the cojones to do that...
Posts: 472 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
[Edit - to Farmgirl's post about geographic distance] That's a nice side effect, but truth is, I feel much better able to help when there is geographic closeness.
My older sister called me once asking for money. She had just left her husband. She was trying to get an apartment, and was having a hard time taking care of her two kids (from a previous marriage). I didn't have free the amount she needed, but I offered to help her move to Baltimore and live with me, rent free until she could get a job and an apartment there. My ex and I would feed them, etc. The only condition was that she let me handle her finances until she was out of debt and into an apartment of her own. She thought about it for about 30 seconds and then said she really didn't want to move back east because the weather was so much better in Idaho. Since then I've been able to let her lie in the beds she's made herself with a pretty clear conscience. I do feel for her children, though (now in late teens). They've had some pretty rough times, but nothing that was due to lack of money.
My family really sounds like a bad soap opera, doesn't it.
posted
KarlEd, I just wanted to say that you are one of the most admirable people I've ever known. Were I to have my own son, I can think of no better role model for him.
posted
KarlEd, You have done a sweet and wonderful thing. Reading the first part of the story, I was pleased and surprised that your mom agreed to move near you. It shows that she is psychologically ready to fix this. I know way too many people who would have stayed in this codependent craziness. So, as people have said, keep supporting her to say no. It is the only way that your brother will ever break out of his negative cycle. How cruel to use her in that way!
[ January 21, 2005, 04:42 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
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posted
Since you told the story I've got a question: Did sis mooch the money she needed for the apartment from your mother instead? (and has said sis been mooching from the Bank of Mom since...)
posted
AJ, that sister is one of the 3 mooches I mentioned in the first post. She's not as bad as my brother, though. She has called my mom many times for money. She hardly calls me except when she needs money and I suspect she called me that time because my mom really didn't have the money to help her at the time either. At the time, Douglas and I were still together and our finances were very entertwined. We discussed the issue and decided we could lend her about half of what she was asking for. We sent her $500 on promise that she would pay us back when she could. I didn't hear from her about money for about 5-6 years after that.
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
LA, the second part of that script it great. The first will need some adjustment, though, because the working nights and babysitting all day was killing her and was the primary reason I asked her to move up to PA. Now the 400 mile commute makes using her as free daycare a bit impractical. Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
KarlEd, Just to give you some persective on how long term these screwed up relationships can be, my grandmother is 96. My aunt is 70. She still uses my grandmother for financial support, while living a lavish NYC lifestyle with a new husband.(not so much now, but a few years ago it was very bad)
Stop it now! My dad finally just said no more. What happened was, my grandmother borrowed money from my great aunt to help my aunt. Then she had no money, so my parents shelled out cash to keep her afloat. So, my aunt manipulated my dad in the same way your brother is trying to do with your mom. "How can you abandon your grandchildren?" "How can you abandon your aged mother?"
Ew. Now I am all steamed up.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
My suggestion Karl, tell your mother that you are handling the finances now and ask her to have your brother call you.
When he calls you can determine for yourself if the need is as urgent as it appears. Let your brother know that mom is 15K in debt and can't afford anything now.
If it is an emergency, be open and understanding. If it is something that requires money immiediately, ask your brother how and when he will pay back the loan.
Emphasis LOAN.
I agree with the rest, you are doing a great job.
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posted
By the way, kudos to KarlEd's mother, too, for taking this extraordinary step. It's got to be a hard thing to do.
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posted
Karl, that 400 mile commute is exactly what I was getting at. Hopefully the brother would pick up on it, too...
I mean really, how far does his umbilical cord still stretch anyway???
Edit to add: You might want to just loan your brother the $400. What's the old saying? "If you want someone to leave you alone, just loan them some money."
[ January 21, 2005, 04:58 PM: Message edited by: Lost Ashes ]
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posted
Dan, that pretty much how I hope this goes. For the record, though, he's gonna have to try pretty hard to convince me of an emergency. I've heard through the grapevine that his wife makes as much as my UT sister's husband, and he supports a stay-at-home wife and 4 kids. My brother has only two kids, and cable and a car with a little slide-out dvd player, and a home computer and a wireless PDA, etc. He's gonna have to make some cuts in his own life before he's getting money through me.
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
My stepfather had to take over his mother's finances. One thing to be wary of is that this could not only lead to bad blood but accusations that you're mismanaging her money in order to benefit yourself and somehow get them less of an inheritance. I know that this happens to my mom and stepfather and they spend a lot of time making sure that everything is well documented. It sucks when money becomes an issue in families.
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That's so true. I was very surprised when she accepted, but was totally pleased when she actually quit her job and moved up. I've been worrying about her for years, and was afraid she'd stress herself to death before she admitted enough was enough.
And despite the problems with siblings, the move itself has been good. I haven't had family living close by for quite a long time. And now I have someone to take to all the movies Chris isn't interested in seeing.
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
Sarahdipity, that's good advice I hadn't thought through, though it did sorta cross the back of my mind. Right now if, heaven forbid, inheritance became an issue, they could all come up and decide who gets her clothes and books, but aside from insurance money there wouldn't be much else left. Anyone in my family who's counting on an inheritance is pretty deluded. (Not that that makes it much less of a likelihood.)
But yeah, once she's outta debt and such things could get ugly. I'll keep that in mind.
posted
Karl, it sounds like you have a pretty good idea what you're getting into. I applaud the steps you've taken to help your mother get her finances under control. (I wish we could do the same with my MIL!)
I'd also second Stormy's suggestion about your mother's phone. But there are a couple of questions I have that are really more for you than to clarify anything for me.
Is your mother willing to let your brother work through the pain of growing up and stop herself from rescuing him again? Every time she rescues him, she keeps him a child. Is she willing for him to become a man? Are you willing to continue to support her if she doesn't? If so, are you willing to contribute to enabling your brother and can you make peace with it?
This isn't, IMO, your brother's problem. He's been allowed, encouraged even, to remain a child. There are a couple of possible reasons why. It's so hard to watch our children suffer and many parents don't know how to distinguish between necessary suffering (the kind that matures) and unnecessary suffering (which merits rescue). So they rescue because they can't bear to suffer the pain of watching their children suffer. Then there those people who need to be needed. So they rescue and keep their children dependent because can't bear the idea of not being needed. Does your mother know which of these she is? (or could it be something else?) And is she willing to stop even though it will cost her either the comfort of being so desperately needed or the relief of not having to watch her child suffer growing up? Those aren't easy questions, and if your mother has a lifetime pattern of either of these, you may ultimately judge that she *can't* change.
If so, you may want to decide how deep you want to get into the problem.
And I could be totally out to lunch with all of the above. I don't know your mom or brother. We have similar dynamics in my husband's family, but that's us. I might be totally misreading the whole situation. I only know that it's taken nearly 5 years for my husband and I to come to some peace about our involvement with my MIL and SIL (who have a similar pattern). So if I've been reading my autobiography into your situation, please forgive me.
I hope only the best for your situation. You're doing a very very good thing.
Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
I agree with jeniwren - your mother has been enabling him by continuing to bail him out. He's not going to be willing to let go, because she's set up such a pattern.
Also, she's not going to want to let go. People don't change their behaviors overnight, normally. I wouldn't be surprised if she found a way to send him the money.
this is not me being a pessimist or trying to act a though I know more about your mother than you do, it's just a fact that people normally have a reason for doing the things they do. Your mother may enjoy the feeling she gets every time she bails her kids out "See how dependent they are on me and what a wonderful mother I am!"
Granted, the fact that she moved away from them is a good sign that she wants to stop enabling them, but it isn't going to fix itself overnight.
You stepping in and being the one to tell them no puts you in the role of bad guy. "Karl's running mom's life and controlling her money." Your mom may even make things worse inadvertently by saying things like "Honey, you know I'd love to help you but Karl won't let me."
My point is that SHE needs to tell them no. Not you. She needs to say "I can't help you right now, it's not because I don't love you or my grandchildren, I just can't physically help you with this. I wish you all the best in handling the situation and give my love to the kids."
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posted
To be honest after reading that I wish you'd give me the number of your brother so I could chew him out! I'm sorry KarlEd, but it certainly sounds like you've been an ideal son.
posted
(((Karl))) Perhaps it would be good to keep meticulous records that your siblings can hire an auditor for if any of them suspect you of embezzling from mom. Though I suspect your reasonable siblings are probably not sympathetic to the moochers.
I'd also like to state that this will be good for the moochers in the long run. And your mom may want to look into a codependency program.
I've been a moocher. I'm doing my best to get over it, though.
Posts: 2010 | Registered: Apr 2003
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I am willing to support her no matter what. I am concerned that she might not be able to hold up to the pressure of some tough love and that is why I've so strongly encouraged her to let me handle her money. At that point, if she needs to, she can let them blame me for being a hardass. I'm really OK with that at this point in my life. I have very little of my self worth invested in anything my siblings think of me one way or another.
In truth, though, she hasn't needed that much encouragement to relinquish that control to me. I mentioned it once as an offer and she has brought it up herself ever since. So I think in a way she's eager to have the buffer between herself and my siblings.
I know that changing those types of patterns are hard to do. I'm hoping that this is a change that can happen. I'm optimistic about it, though, for a couple of reasons. First, she's never had strong, close support to help her make the change. And second, I think she's had a rather rude awakening that has made her question her relationship with all of us kids. Specifically, the phone call that prompted me to invite her up to PA was prompted by a falling out with my older sister. This sister has had many problems with relationships. She's been married three times and has a child by a fourth guy she never was married to. She has a son in foster care because she has been unable/unwilling to give him the support he has needed. She was calling because she has just left her 3rd husband and was asking for money that my mom didn't have. My mom made some comments about needing to deal with her issues at which point my sister laid into her with accusations of how she was a terrible mother and had never supported her ever in her life, that her own children were so screwed up because my mom screwed her up, etc. My mom hasn't spoken to her since. She has told me she feels like she buried a daughter when she hung up. The call hurt her so badly that she called each of the rest of us to find out if we felt the same way. Needless to say, I was shocked that my sister would say those things and assured her that not only did I not feel that way, but I felt that she had done much more than her share in supporting people who should be supporting her at this point in her life. And that conversation led to the invitation to move to PA. I don't know what my other brothers and sisters told her, though I'd be surprised if any of them confirmed anything my sister accused. But I suspect the revelation of my sister's ingratitude has made her open her eyes to my brother's similar ingratitude.
I've been a little worried about the abruptness of it all. We spoke at the end of November. I found out the hospital in my town was having an nursing open-house to recruit new employees and it was happening the next week. I flew her up to attend and by the end of that visit she had decided to move. Not that I have even the tiniest of regrets, but for my Mom it was a HUGE leap of faith made in a very emotionally stressful moment. She has expressed to me a couple of times that she feels like she is running away and that she's very afraid I'm going to regret the invitation after a few months or years. I'm trying to reassure her that I couldn't possibly get tired of having her around, but that kind of reassurance can only go so far, especially when it comes in response to the question. (I.E. "Do you love me?" - "yes" never has the reassurance that an unsolicited "I love you" does.)
At any rate, I think that she has reached an emotional breaking point and I think that the move and reliquishment of her finances is a sign that she is really ready to change things for the better.
One thing I do know for sure is that if I come home to find her crying again I'm gonna make a call to my brother that he won't like. And if that burns a bridge. . . well, there's not much on that shore I've wanted to visit anyway and my mom is safely on my side of the river.
posted
Darnit, I wish it were possible for applause to be posted. For your mom and for you.
It sounds like you've really, REALLY taken a lot into account, and that you're going into this with eyes wide open. That's seriously awesome.
As for your sister's reaction, I'm given to understand that it's extremely common for kids who have been rescued most of their lives to be very resentful of the parent who rescued them. It makes no sense logically, but it's really common. You'd think they would be grateful. I don't think they have a chance to learn how, since the constant rescuing shortcircuits that learning.
I'm so totally impressed that your mom is where she's at, physically and emotionally. It really heartens me. Please keep us all aware of the situation, would you?
Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
Moochers do subconsciously sense that they have betrayed their own sense of fairness, and they are tempted to lash out at their benefactors who should have known better than to enable them. It's incredibly sick. Most times I have resisted this temptation, though I do fail from time to time.
Posts: 2010 | Registered: Apr 2003
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quote: Also, she's not going to want to let go. People don't change their behaviors overnight, normally. I wouldn't be surprised if she found a way to send him the money.
this is not me being a pessimist or trying to act a though I know more about your mother than you do, it's just a fact that people normally have a reason for doing the things they do. Your mother may enjoy the feeling she gets every time she bails her kids out "See how dependent they are on me and what a wonderful mother I am!"
I think this is an (understandable) mis-reading of the situation. I really don't think my mom has even sub-conciously tried to keep them dependant. My sister and brother are really expert manipulators. I had a very heart-to-heart talk with my Mom about the co-dependency issue. She has said that she recognizes that helping them encourages them to keep asking but when there is help she can give she has a hard time justifying the withholding of that help.
In truth, I think her problem is more that she feels she has failed us as a mother. It took her years to admit that her marriage to my father wasn't salvageable and has a terrible time reconciling her failed marriage with the Mormon ideal of family. She blames herself for not having enough fingers to plug all the holes in that sinking ship and I believe that my brother and sister understand very well how to manipulate that insecurity.
So I don't think it has been a case of keeping my brother dependant. It has been more an inability to stop martyring herself over percieved failures as a wife (and therefore to some degree mother.) Not that this makes the co-dependance less of a reality. At any rate, now that she's closer I believe I can really help her build some self esteem and find the strength to shake off the moochers. At least I hope so.
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
Jeniwren and mothertree, that is very insightful. I think (at the right moment) that is something that my mom might need to hear. It might help her forgive my sister at some point.
Mothertree, thank you for sharing something that personal. I hope my sister can come to a similar awakening and try to fix her own shortcomings.
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
Karl, I think you are doing a wonderful thing in helping your mother like this. If anyone calls you for money, from either her or from you, all you should have to do is mention that you are helping your mom out of trouble, and that things had gotten so bad that she is living in your rental.
That might help, the fact that she is that far in debt, and that you are out the rent (providing she isn't paying you) that that unit would have provided for you.
At the very least it should help your mother feel better about not continuing to help them...she really doesn't have any more to give. That might be something she needs to hear from you more than once, it might make her realize the fact that she isn't being selfish about this. maybe that way she won'r be too hard on herself in the future.
I have a friend who still treats his parents like an ATM, and it sucks. Not just for his parents, but for him too. My parents wanted me to move back with them when I got out of the Army, but I am stubborn and refused. I may have made things a lot harded on myself that way but at leat everything Iown is mine...my wife and I have earned it, and so we have the right to do whatever we want with it.
I am afraid my friend will never know what that feels like, and he doesn't know what he is missing.
posted
Wow, this seems to be a more common problem than I thought. A couple of my co-workers have said that they have family members like my brother and sister, too.
And here I thought it was just my family that was just my family that was a living cautionary tale. . .
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
Have you ever read The Millionare Next Door? It talks about this sort of thing a lot. Apparently, the more generous parents are to their grown children, the more the grown children will start to act that way. Once parental gifts are in important part of their income, they figt to keep it that way.
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
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It might be less offensive to me if it was money my mom had to spare. But my brother lives in a fairly new house in a nice sub-division while my mom is living in my aunts house which is tiny by comparison and hasn't seen much of an improvement since it was built (probably some time in the 70's)
I know what you mean about learning to expect the "gifts". My mom once told my sister it was time to cut back (on cable, internet, cell phone, whatever) if she was having so much trouble with bills. My mom said, "After all, we didn't have cable in our house until you were a teenager." Her response was "Well, I thought a mother was supposed to want her children to live better than she did."
It's amazing how one generation's luxuries become the next generation's necessities.
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
This may be a little unorthodox, but maybe you could try playing the "Uno Reverse" card on him...
Tell him your mom needs money from him and if he was a good son, then he'd help his mom out.
Tell him he can send it in small installments.
Seriously though, I have a friend who is in a similar situation with mooching father and brothers and he has resorted to pretty much cutting things off with his family. A pretty craptastic situation.
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![[Blushing]](graemlins/blushing.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Group Hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
