posted
Seems to be the Week of the Rant, so here's mine...
*rant on* Just hung out with a girlfriend I used to call my sister. She's not called me in, like, two months or something. We got together for an tv viewing party at our artistic director's apartment...something they do all the time with a bunch of other people...something I used to do all the time as well, but, while still open to me I'm never invited to anymore. I need to ask.
There was no fight or anything dramatic at all... just me missing her and feeling out of place. Blah... And now she's talking about moving to North Carolina. *sigh*
I would give my life for this person and she just doesn't seem to care that much anymore....not that she doesn't love me but that she no longer wants to hang out at all....or at least that's how it seems. She is busy and has her boyfriend... I dunno.
*rant off*
[ February 07, 2005, 04:16 AM: Message edited by: Telperion the Silver ]
Posts: 4953 | Registered: Jan 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Tel- Isn't that what family is all about? You grow-up together, then you grow apart when life is good because you just assume they'll always be there, then you wind-up on thier doorstep crying because life has kicked you in the tucas.
Let her know that your feelings are hurt, but don't give-up on the love.
Posts: 2425 | Registered: Jan 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
I'm not even sure how to talk about it with her. Like I said, there hasn't been any drama...just no real joy when she saw me. She seemed more interested in some of the others. Maybe I'm just being a little paranoid.
I'm jealous and a little upset though. I used to be her number one friend and now I seem to be low on the ladder.
[ February 07, 2005, 04:19 AM: Message edited by: Telperion the Silver ]
Posts: 4953 | Registered: Jan 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
I know how you feel. Since high school, it's been harder and harder to spend time with all the people I hung out with. But when I can get ahold of them, we tend to have a lot of fun together, and we remember why we got along so well in the first place.
Posts: 1592 | Registered: Jan 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
Awww...Telpy, I'm sorry. My best friend from college could probably have written the same post...all except the me having a boyfriend part. It's just been a while since we were together all the time, and I don't need him nearly as much as I did before. I still think he's wonderful, but...yeah - he's not my brother/other half/partner in crime anymore, and I think that's okay. There was no fight, no drama - we've never even said hard words to each other in ten years of friendship. It's just that I live far away and being friends stopped being convenient...
I'd say I'd do anything for him, but I won't, actually. I won't spend my vacations in Logan anymore, even though he wants me to. I haven't called him at the end of the day to rehash in a little over a year. I think it's the rhythms of friendship - I'm sure she still loves you. When I was young and moving around, I hated that moving interupted my friendships. I've since discovered that friendships get interupted anyway, somehow.
----
Added: And, for my honest take on it based on experience, she was probably more than a little bit in love with you, but when it finally drove home that nothing was ever going to happen, she looked for someone else to fill that role.
You can know that someone isn't for you intellectually YEARS before you know it emotionally. I know that I was crazy about my friend Anthonie, and it was a little less obvious to me that nothing was ever going to happen since he isn't gay, as far as I know.
I think casual friends between sexes is completely possible, but close, close friends always have some tension from a possible romantic element. I hate that I know think that, but When Harry Met Sally had a point.
[ February 07, 2005, 11:01 AM: Message edited by: Lady Jane ]
Posts: 1163 | Registered: Jan 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Katie is totally right. This sounds like my friend Cyrus, except we started in Jr. High, so we're further along; I developed and got over my little crush on him before I graduated HS (good thing, too, 'cause he's hopeless ).
We've had our times when we didn't speak, when I thought he didn't like me, when he thought I was mad at him, when we both felt neglected (and even when he kind of annoyed me because he wasn't moving into the new role I needed him in fast enough). But we've come through it. Our friendship is still strong, even though we don't talk much. He still knows that if he needs someplace to go for Christmas (he has family issues), he'll have an invite to wherever I am. He calls me when he's got tough life decisions to make (like when he almost signed up with the Marines, which he really would have regretted), when he feels like it's a mess, or when he needs reassurance that it'll be okay. I call him when my life gets overwhelming, because I know he'll always cheer me up. We still need each other, we still play an important role in each other's lives; we just do it long-distance and only call when we need each other.
So, it happens. Let it move on to the next stage, and know she's still there, she's still your sister, but she needs room to go on into the next stage of her life, knowing that you'll be there to back her up if she needs you.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Telp, it is really sad, and has happened to me many times over the years. Things change, even the closest of friendships. The quote below really helped me look at this sad but real situation in my life. Someone sent it out as one of those forwards, I lost it, someone posted it in another thread, so I jusy googled it. Anyway, try to figure out which type of friend this is. It might be easier to either let go or do something to make the friendship hold on. Liz
quote:Reason, Season, or Lifetime Friends
When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. S/he has come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. S/he is there to meet a need. Then without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, s/he will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes s/he dies. Sometimes s/he walks away. Sometimes s/he acts up or out and forces you to take a stand. What we must realize is that the need has been met.
When a person comes into your life for a season, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. S/he may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. S/he may teach you something you have never done. S/he usually gives you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons. Those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. You must accept the lesson, love the person/people anyway, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. Source: Anonymous
posted
I've known my best friend for 17 years. There were stretches of time where I talked to him once a month, times we talked once every three months, and times where we talked daily. These things run in cycles, and sometimes run their course. If it's a good friendship, it will evolve to fit your differing needs in life. If not, it was a good friendship while it lasted.
Posts: 1480 | Registered: Dec 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Thanks for the advice guys. And you're right...friendships do move in cycles. I'm sure this is just a low ebb for this one. Posts: 4953 | Registered: Jan 2004
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
