posted
I have been slowly chipping away at the things that bar me from full participation in Iowa's civic pride. Having moved here during the busy holiday season, and living 20+ miles away from the nearest places where one can do things like register vehicles or get a driver's license, I've put off these tasks for a lot longer than I legally should have.
People who reside in a state for more than 30 days are supposed to change over their license and registration, unless they have a good excuse why they aren't going to do that (e.g., snowbirds, students, etc.).
My good excuse is that the rules in Iowa are strange and I didn't believe them.
I didn't believe that they really needed to see the original Social Security card, for example. I've had to give other states my SSN, but never the card. For most states, access to the Social Security Administration database, real-time, provides sufficient verification that the person's name and SSN go together. Actually seeing the card would seem to not add anything to this process since, as I have amply demonstrated, faking a Social Security card is child's play. Um...wait...I mean, as I suspect, faking a Social Security Card is child's play.
Is it fraud if you create a fake card with your own actual number on it?
Let's not go there.
I have retained my card. I know right where it is. It's sitting in a favorite old wallet that I got when I was a teenager and can't bear to part with despite it being made from royal-blue nylon equipped with a velcro closure that basically sounds like pants ripping whenever you open the thing. I couldn't bring it with me because while I know that my card is in that wallet, I don't recall which of the 70 boxes I brought from Texas is the current home of the wallet.
So, I had to apply for a new SS card. Same number as my original, but sadly, printed on the new-style card instead of the classic older card like my original. So now I have one of each style.
Now...the reason I had to apply for a new card relates to the officiousness of the clerk at the county where I live. She interprets the rules very narrowly and would not issue a license based on my showing her other proof of my actual SSN. She takes the card and only the card. Well that and a paystub with the SSN on it, but not many companies do the SSN on the paystub anymore, so that won't work. A W-2 is unacceptable. The stub from the other half of the SS card (this lives in my carry-around wallet for some strange reason) is also unacceptable. See, someone might have that card and it not be me, but only I could have the actual SS card (the other side of the perforation) in my possession.
<cross eyes>
I went to the SS Administration office in Ames and ordered a new card. I had allowed several hours for this excursion. I made dkw put several dollars in the downtown parking meter. We were done in 5 minutes. It took that long because I insisted on chatting up the clerk. No way was I going to leave that office without it taking at least a full minute or two.
She laughed at me.
So did dkw.
My card arrived in about 7 days, not the expected 14 days.
SS Administration is very efficient.
I took my card and my proof of address to a different office for my license. Someplace in a much bigger town. Someplace where I was sure that the clerks would be more sympathetic if I'd forgotten something else this time. Someplace where the process was sure to take hours. Someplace where they give you a number and you have to wait your turn. And wait. And wait...
I foolishly went into the DMV office without my book to read. I looked around to see if I had time to run out to the car and get it. I wanted to settle in for the horrid, interminable wait.
My number dinged.
I chatted up the clerk.
Had to.
The whole thing took about 3 minutes otherwise.
Iowa is an "instant issuance state." If you pass muster, you get your official DL right then, picture and all. They even let you decide if you "like" your picture. They let you smile on your DL photo.
They are so sweet!
And the Iowa license actually fits in the little folder thingy that came with my wallet. My old licenses (TX and FL both) were too wide. This one fits like a hand. ('cuz the glove is the holder thingy, right?)
Um...
Okay, so that's my identity transfer. I paid a bunch of money and registered my car. Paid a little bit of money to get my DL. I got to register to vote when I did my license. I expect a jury summons any day now.
I am now legally integrated and, somewhat, initiated into the Iowa citizenry.
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The Midwest is quite matter-of-fact and prosaic about things. Yes, you have to show your actual SSN card. But yes, we'll fix it up all right and proper without any brouhaha once you step up to the plate.
Gotta love it.
[Er, that came out a lot racier than I expected. Ahem. Here's a hotdish link.]
I think the cow thing has to do with the marriage license. I'm not sure Dana has told him about that yet. I hear that corn is involved in some way as well.
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