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Well? How do you think they would react, or, for those who are and have told them, how did they react? How would you tell them?
I'm still deciding whether to tell mine. I'm certain they'd be accepting, but my mom would think it was her fault and cry and worry a good bit (like when my brother said he was an atheist). My brother, I dunno. I'm considering telling him. In word he's accepting, but I don't know how he'd feel about his own brother. My dad would just be, well, distant.
Posts: 1735 | Registered: Oct 2004
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Hey, Joldo. Hope this works out well for you. Tough stuff.
As far as the question goes, I know that my parents would love and support me no matter what. If it had come up as an issue for us, we would have worked out a way together to deal with it. [I was raised in a very staunchly Catholic home.] I really believe that.
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My mom made it very clear when I was in high school that it would be the end of the world. But then, we've had many arguments where she bursts into tears and starts berating me at the thought of me becoming a vegetarian, so I'm not surprised.
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My mother would be fine, but Dad would not be, but then he's never fine anyway so I doubt it would really make much difference!
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Sodom and Gommarah. That's what I'd have to hear about if I told my relatives that I like men and women. I hinted at it, I got dogpiled. It was such a relief to go back to college.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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[deleted because this was just a response to the title of the thread. I didn't read the the opening post. Because of this bad behavior, my post came out very colhearted. I'm sory for not being more careful and sensitive with this topic that is very personal to Joldo and others]
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I think my mom and stepdad would just tune me out after saying they were okay with it. I think my dad would react violently and that's why I would not ever tell him anything that I didn't absolutely have to.
I don't think my mom's a bad person, but she doesn't cope with her own life very well, and is very closed to anything threateningly new. I think my dad's just evil.
Posts: 516 | Registered: Aug 2004
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quote:If "being gay" means acting on those sexual desires, then my family would be very dissapointed, as it would mean that I had repudiated the best things I've done and the most important things in my life.
Wow, that's kind of strong. Are you saying this because acting on those presupposes being unfaithful in your marriage? Or would this be the case even if you were an unmarried practicing homosexual?
The reason I ask is that Christians who believe homosexuality is wrong are always quick to point out that it's like any number of sinful acts we are instructed by God not to engage in, and so there is no unfairness in the fact that you don't personally have to struggle against this temptation, because we all suffer with temptations, and we all sin, and we all need to work to overcome this. Now, if you say that giving in on this one particular sin repudiates the best and most important things you have done, that would seem to contradict this, no? I mean, if you were a homosexual who failed to resist temptation, but who believed this was sinful and was always trying to do better?
EDIT TO ADD: If the sin you are not tempted to engage in is substantially worse, in your view, than those you are tempted by, that's a bit self-serving, isn't it?
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[deleted because this was just a response to the title of the thread. I didn't read the the opening post. Because of this bad behavior, my post came out very colhearted. I'm sory for not being more careful and sensitive with this topic that is very personal to Joldo and others]
quote:I didn't point that out, so we aren't always quick to point it out.
Fair enough.
You kind of side-stepped what I see as the crux of my question, though: In your eyes, is the immorality of homosexual sex very central to your worldview? I'm not asking if you're sure--I assume you are. Rather, I'm wondering if homosexual sex is substantially worse than most other "mortal" sins, to import a Catholic concept.
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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My family probably wouldn't be very happy, so I doubt I'd tell them if I were attracted to women, although that might be okay as long as I don't act on the attraction. Fortunately, it's a hypothetical situation for me.
I imagine it must be painful for you to hide something important about yourself from your family. Have you talked to other gay people about coming out? Are there any support groups you can go to? You never know...once your family gets used to the idea, as long as you are respectful of them rather than getting in their faces about accepting you, they might come around eventually. I guess it depends on how strongly they feel that homosexual behavior is a sin. If it's just sort of a distaste, I bet you can overcome it. If it's religious belief, you might want to stay in the closet. Whether you decide to tell your family or not, I wish you well.
Posts: 3546 | Registered: Jul 2002
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Well, I'm going to Georgia's Governor's Honor's Program this summer. There are a few evening things there that pretty much turn into gay support groups.
Posts: 1735 | Registered: Oct 2004
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And as to hiding: well, I'm a naturally deceptive, liarly kind of person. Doesn't really mess me up.
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I missed whatever was troubling here, but I sense that it had something to do with the response to my question. If my questions caused pain, I apologize. If they would be better off deleted, I will do so.
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Actually, it's all me. I feel like an even greater fool. I meant to delete my original post, not my response to your response.
Posts: 1002 | Registered: Feb 2005
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Joldo, read my landmark (in the landmark forum) to see my tale.
((Joldo))
I say go for it! There will of course be some uncomfortable feelings for a bit...but that will pass. Might take a year or two but your relationship with your family will be better than ever. And if by some strange chance it doesn't you will at least be honest with them. If they fail to accept you it's their fault. But I seriously doubt there will be any permanent damage, maybe parents upset or uncomfortable for a while but they'll get over it. Posts: 4953 | Registered: Jan 2004
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Joldo, I agree with Telp -- I think it's better not to hide it anymore. Either way, they're going to be surprised, but better now than later, no?
Then there's more peace later on.
Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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My dad actually treats the wayward children better - much more warily than the others, but that works out fine. I don't get much approval or support from them anyway, so the loss of what little there is wouldn't make much of a difference. My aunts, who do provide me with a lot of support, would, I think, be fine. They believe I and my brothers belong to a semi-cult as it is, and they simply ignore that and love us anyway. I suspect it would be the same for this.
Posts: 1163 | Registered: Jan 2005
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Actually, I'd been deciding for a while whether or not I should tell my brother. It was a matter of whether his word was the same as his deeds. But I told him this evening. And he was fine, if disbelieving at first. He laughed at my anecdotes too.
My brother's awesome.
Posts: 1735 | Registered: Oct 2004
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Telp--read your landmark. As for myself, well, keeping major secrets about myself has never been an issue for me. The Mask has always been on and I hardly notice each new one. But I do plan to tell my folks. Probably once I've left for college for a little while, so that my mom won't feel she has to blame herself.
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My "coming out" story was rather atypical. When I was just learning to accept myself, I was corresponding with one of my sisters who was on a mission for the LDS church at the time. She and I were very close at the time, and some things in my letters prompted her to call me and ask me outright if I was gay. I told her I was. A few weeks later, my older sister called me with the same question. I told her the truth too. This sister promptly told the rest of my family. It still upsets me that she did this because I never got the chance to come out in my own way and at my own time.
I did hear through the grapevine that my mother seemed less upset by the news than by the fact that she didn't hear it from me first.
My father flat out ignored the fact. He continued to write me letters as if I were straight and still a practicing Mormon. I don't mean that he wrote me admonishing me to be such. I could probably have stomached that, or at least understood it. But he wrote me letters that weren't even written to me at all. They were written to some imaginary son he wished he had. I wrote him back telling him that if he continued to write to this fantasy son, he was perfectly welcome to do so, but he shouldn't expect this fantasy son to write back, because he didn't exist. On the other hand, if he wanted to write to me I'd be happy to write back. The next letter I got from him was addressed to me and my boyfriend.
Joldo, you've posted a couple of times that you are perfectly fine living with this part of you hidden. I can't speak for how your family will react, since "coming out" stories are all different and many of them are surprising. But I do know that by hiding yourself - your true self - from them you are denying them the opportunity to know you and to love you rather than some illusion they think they know and love.
That said, it may very well be true that they don't want to know and love the real you. But I do know that whatever reaction you get from them, it is meaningless if it is a reaction to a lie.
Personally, I'd rather be hated for what I am than loved for what I am not.
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