quote: In a darkened room, Susan Ali strained to make sense of the grainy images on the sonogram screen next to her. She lay on her back, she recalls, her belly slathered with ultrasound gel as a bubbly sonogram technician led her on a guided tour of her 18-week-old baby-to-be.
"These are the toes," chirped the technician, freezing the frame on the foot of Susan and Saqib Ali's first baby. "This is the spine," the technician continued, as Susan, 32, and Saqib, 29, gazed in wonder at what looked like a string of pearls. The couple say they bombarded the technician with excited questions, which she cheerfully answered.
"Do you want to know the gender?" she asked. They did. And so did Susan's father, Bruce Simmons, who was there from Pennsylvania to share this moment with his daughter and son-in-law.
"It's a girl!" the technician announced, to a round of cheers. Susan squeezed Saqib's hand. The couple had already settled on a girl's name: Leila. Her middle name would be Daine, a tribute to Susan's mother, Diane, who had died suddenly a year earlier, two weeks after learning she had a brain tumor.
Leila Daine Ali. It was a name that Saqib knew he'd never tire of saying -- introducing her to the world, chastising her for trying to poke her pudgy toddler fingers into wall sockets, exclaiming over her good grades in school. It was a name he knew he would scrawl countless times on the "memo" line of his checkbook. "For clown at Leila's party." "For Leila's tuition." "For Leila's wedding dress."
"Let's look at the head," the sonogram technician continued. More grainy images appeared, but the technician abruptly stopped deciphering them. "The doctor will give you the rest of your results," the Alis remember her saying tersely. Puzzled by the sudden shift in the technician's mood, Susan and Saqib grew quiet, feeling embarrassed that they had taken up so much of her time with their excited banter.
They were quickly ushered from the sonogram room to meet with Alan Gerber, a partner of Susan's regular obstetrician. In his cramped Rockville office, Gerber laid Leila's ultrasound pictures out on a table, not far from the framed photos of his own smiling kids. "We have a serious problem," Gerber told them. "I don't know exactly what it is, but there is something very wrong with the baby's brain."
Susan slumped in her chair, mentally covering her ears, her father standing behind her. This must be some kind of mistake, she remembers thinking. Saqib had an entirely different reaction. His body went rigid, on high alert. He stood beside his wife's chair, listening with laserlike intensity, hurling one question after another at the doctor.
Part of Leila's brain appeared to be missing, Gerber explained. He didn't know what condition she had, but whatever it was, it looked bad.
The article goes on to chronicle what happened and how the husband and wife reacted. It made me cry.
Although there are obvious connections in the article with abortion policy, that's not why I am posting it. Rather, I think it's a heart-wrenching story and the couple deserves sympathy and support.
quote: "I became a mother the moment I knew I was pregnant, the moment I started putting my child's well-being before mine. And I'll be one even when she's gone."
That is exactly how I felt when we were worried we would lose Emma.
That did make me cry. I'm really, really glad, though, that my husband and I have talked this out and feel the same way.
But I was a little horrified that the account implies that by "no medical intervention", they mean not even suctioning the baby's lungs.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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The article made me cry, too. kq, it sounds like suctioning would have done little, and even surgery would have only extended Leila's life a very short amount -- and likely increased her pain. Certainly would have decreased the time her parents had with her.
Some of the people asking questions were incredibly insensitive. Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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I didn't read the questions. But I mean, when my daughter was born, they suctioned her lungs out, just as a matter of procedure. I can understand not doing anything you wouldn't do for a healthy baby, but, you know, it just would have torn my heart to hear her with fluid in her lungs. That's just me, though, I can understand their choice, I suppose.
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I'm sorry, romanylass. I wasn't sure if I should put a warning up; I thought it might make it worse. Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Don't apologize, Dag. I'm actually more likely to read this kind of story now than I was before. Community of grief, ye ken. And it's not like I wasn't going to cry today anyway.
Posts: 2711 | Registered: Mar 2004
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My parents' first baby - my oldest brother - died the day he was born. He was fine in the womb, but the umbilical cord got wrapped around his neck on the way out, so he was without oxygen for ten minutes. My father's sister died the week before, at age 21 of lupus. I mention this because of something in the interview.
quote:We had a great marriage before and we have a great marriage now. We feel like we've been tested by fire so when I was going through it, I couldn't imagine any more difficult situation.
When my mom told me this story, she mentioned this subject. It must have been a very hard time, but she said that when things like this happened, couples often either grow closer or else grow apart. My parents chose to grow closer, and my dad went back to church, but that wasn't inevitable. My mom told me about some friends of theirs that had a baby die around the same time, and they eventually divorced, unable to handle the grief together.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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{{{{{Leila's family}}}}} I feel so bad because of this. It's just not fair that some kids do get to be healthy, and others just don't.
Posts: 3389 | Registered: Apr 2004
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{{{{{Leila's family}}}}} I feel so bad because of this. It's just not fair that some kids do get to be healthy, and others just don't.
Posts: 3389 | Registered: Apr 2004
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{{{{{Leila's family}}}}} I feel so bad because of this. It's just not fair that some kids do get to be healthy, and others just don't.
Posts: 3389 | Registered: Apr 2004
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A couple at our church lost a baby 7 years ago, and divorced. It made me very aware of the possibility, and the need to just be knowledgeable about warning signs.
My husband has starting going to church.
Posts: 2711 | Registered: Mar 2004
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