posted
How do you get revenge against a person without stooping to their level? I'm so angry, it's making me sick.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
EXACTLY, That's the problem. But this person must be stopped somehow. She cannot be allowed to behave like this anymore... But, I do not want to become a terrible person like she is. Perhaps If I was Locke to her Demosthenes...
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote:But this person must be stopped somehow. She cannot be allowed to behave like this anymore...
Are you her mother? If not, why do you think that it is your job to shape/mold her?
Also, if you are doing it out of anger/spite instead of compassion/love, the venture is doomed for the start.
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
OK, the goal of stopping future misbehavior is not revenge - it's deterrence.
But the best way to due that is going to depend on exactly what's going on. Is it something you can share?
Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
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revenge is just not worth it. I have wanted revenge for a number of things this past year but find it is not that easy. revenge NEVER fixes a problem. It will only complicate it.
Posts: 1294 | Registered: Oct 2003
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I just want her to be stopped. Her behaviour is unacceptable. Especially towards a friend of mine. I do not want to shape her. I want her to fall from her pedestal and break into a thousand pieces. I want her to be exposed for the fraud she is. And I believe she will do this to herself without me having to stain my hands.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Pity her the problems she is. Do not get angry, get sad.
Do not spread rumors about her, but let the truth go out.
If what she is doing is bad then it is hurting someone. If she is hurtng someone, that someone must be protected. Usually there is someone who is supposed to be the protector. Inform them of the situation.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
Ok, I sure will not do what she is doing. Posting nasty statements all the time... But it's so hard not to... I am furious and it's making me so ill.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Seriously... deatils, even vague ones, would help many of us better understand the problem. Better understanding would lead to better advice. Just a thought, trying to be helpful.
Posts: 1294 | Registered: Oct 2003
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I suggest, if you are this angry, then wait at least 24 hours before doing anything at all about her.
If you really must express your anger to her, right now, then write a letter and don't send it. Tear it up after you write it, if you have to. Then try to calm down and rethink about the situation rationally in 24-48 hours. That helps me a lot, anyway.
Posts: 1990 | Registered: Feb 2001
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Then this person is getting a 2 for 1. I know it doesn't seem like it, but you've got a choice about whether to get mad and make yourself ill or not. If you work at it, you can choose to not let this person's behavior affect you this way. If you've got a way to prevent other bad stuff, concentrate on that. If not, let it go. Holding onto it isn't going to get you anything but bad stuff. Don't dwell on it, especially on how it's unnacceptable and how it must not be. It is. Musterbastion is how you can really screw with yourself, err...emotionally. Stop reviewing it in your mind.
Posts: 10177 | Registered: Apr 2001
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Musterbation! (Snerk* It's so hard not to. If she had just done something to me, it wouldn't be a big deal, but this involves a friend... It's been several days, the anger keeps flaring up every now and then. It's hard to get into because it's such a complicated matter but I've got to figure out something better to do than punch the wall or something.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Go running. It'll make you feel much better. On the way, think of all the things that you like that you could be doing if dwelling on this weren't preventing you. When you get back, do them. err...after you take a shower.
The "letting off some aggression" method of dealing with anger doesn't work - it often increases the anger and resulting stress, but the "let's do physical activity, pump my body full of endorphins, amp up my body's state, and put my mind to other things" works wonders.
I can't take credit for that term. It's actually from a reputable psych treatment tradition.
Posts: 10177 | Registered: Apr 2001
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posted
This slightly reminds me of telling a girl I am friends with her boyfriend had cheated on her more than once. The girl got mad at me and sent me some mean nasty IM. Instead of writing some scathing email to her or saying something to her to make her feel bad I ignored her IM and never sent any email. In fact I havent talked with her since and I feel great. Do the right thing Syn. Support your friend, this person you talk of will fall from her pedestal from her own actions and doesnt need you to push her off.
The other side of me says, "Take revenge while you can! The time is near! Crush this person into a thousand tiny pieces so she can never climb back on top of the pedestal!" But who wants to listen to that rash childish wild side anyway, that side only ever got me into trouble...Stupid FBI and their law enforcing
That last bit was a joke if you couldnt tell by the smiley
Posts: 473 | Registered: Sep 2001
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posted
To be honest, I've always found the solicitous (real, not fake soliticous) method to work really well. From this perspective, when someone does you a wrong, it's because they've got problems. If you are aware of these problems, you can try to help them (or in the extreme case get yourself away from them). Trying to help the wronger actually can benefit you a great deal.
I remember a conversation with some peopel about the fanatic "God Hates Fags" crowd where I was trying to explain that I didn't think you could do much worse to them than what they're doing to themselves. Obviously, we should oppose them, but could you imagine living such a cramped little life? I think they deserve our pity more than our hatred. Nobody agreed with me.
It's a matter of perspective, really. Did they actually do you any harm or is it only because of the way you see things that you see a wrong. It's like, someone flipping me the bird doesn't actually hurt me in any way, shape, or form, unless I let it.
Of course, this all relies on a deal of self-control, lack of self-centeredness, and an accurate perception of other people that is often lacking in our society. Or it could all just be my illusion.
Posts: 10177 | Registered: Apr 2001
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posted
Revenge is not stooping to someone else's level. If you would have left them alone, then you are a better person than they. That being said it is rarely worth the effort.
Posts: 1364 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
Revenge is a question of motives, not the course of action taken.
That said, you can never take revenge without "staining your hands" because whether or not the person knows it was you, you will know and like Lady MacBeth, only you will see the damned spot.
I would be lying if I said that I have never taken revenge in my life, but speaking as someone walking the Dark side, vengeance is rarely as fulfilling as it promises to be.
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