Anyone out there with similar experiance that can give some advice on what to do now with the funeral over. Obviously deal with legal stuff and the estate and will...
But I mean what to do in the meantime? How do I have fun? We saw a movie today, Fantastic 4. It was nice. Not THAT fantastic. Ba dum bump. But good special effects.
But now I'm sitting here and I guess I can play a computer game. Was able to download "Age of Wonders" on this new, less-powerful computer.
And while I'm in a funk I still want to be around people. *ponders*
Posts: 4953 | Registered: Jan 2004
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Xavier told me when his dad died he bought a Playstation 2 and played it for months straight. Said it was the only thing that kept him sane and his mind off of what happened for any period of time.
I know I didn't get a chance to say it in your other thread, but I am very sorry for your loss.
Posts: 2064 | Registered: Dec 2003
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Got some people over, and my brother is coming back home soon too. Got some spiced rum and coke. And maybe we'll cook a pizza. I will definatly play my computer game tonight I think.
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That's wonderful, Karl. You obviously know how to take care of yourself.
Pizza sounds so good. Hehe. Wish I was there with you (for so many reasons).
Please remember to continue posting about your progress. There are many people who care about you on this forum (raises hand) and we'll panic if we don't hear from you at least daily.
posted
Telp, I second the motion for pizza, refreshment, and sweet electronic communion.
Another suggestion, though...
Is there any particular forms of artistic expression you find powerful in your life? Writing, singing, playing an instument, drawing, painting, sculpting, etc... ... something creative that allows you to express and explore. I know Uncle Orson recomended that you write in your journal, I second that recomendation. Also, I have found that during the emotional numbness and shock that follows spiritual trauma, the act of creation helps me to explore the recent pain and confusion, AND helps to generate positive thoughts and feelings for the future. The empty present and dull tomorrow seem brighter.
Whatever you end up doing in the weeks ahead, keep us posted. We care about you, and want to share your pain AND your joy.
Posts: 353 | Registered: Sep 2003
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I second everything that's been posted so far.
I would only add that you do need to be with people when you can stand it. Isolation can snowball very quickly--I know if I stay in too long, getting out can get difficult and scary. Make sure you call and talk things out occasionally with people you trust.
Be nice to yourself, take naps, and let yourself be sad.
Posts: 516 | Registered: Aug 2004
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Realize that everyone grieves differently, Telp. Some people real-energize and find it comforting to be with other people. Others find people draining and prefer to spend more quiet time alone. Only you know which one is most healing for you.
But if you choose the quiet time, please don't cut yourself off from friends and others for too long, or you could allow yourself to get in a deeper funk.
I could tell you what I did after my dad died -- but unfortunately it would not be helpful stuff -- I was pretty self-destructive at that point in my life, so I wouldn't want you to choose that path.
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I'm with Farmgirl on this, and since she has some real, personal experience I'd listen to her, Telp.
I think you do what feels right to you. I think if you recognize self-destructive behavior, seek out help for it, but as long as it's not self-destructive, then grieve in the manner that you want to. Want to be around people? Be around people. Want to be alone and cry by yourself for a while? Do it.
Don't let anyone tell you what's right or wrong about your grieving process, because it's yours and yours alone. And expect it to take a long time. My therapist told me that going through the grieving process can take two full years. Two years. So if someone tells you in a couple weeks "You should be over it by now," don't listen.
That's not to imply that in two years you'll never miss your mom again, and everything is just wonderful - don't get me wrong. You'll always feel the loss of her. I just mean that in two years you probably won't feel the same amount of physical and emotional pain you feel now.
((Telp))
Wish I could help, sweetie. My thoughts are with you.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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I've heard that the time after the funeral is very hard for a lot of people. The funeral can be a healing, uplifting event, but when it is over it's just "back to life" and the person is still gone.
I'm glad that you are getting out and hanging out with people. I would probably be the sort that cuts myself out of the loop. I don't know.
And whoo, boy, that pizza does sound good. I brought home a whole pizza last night, but only got a couple of slices before it was all gone. Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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When my cousin died in november, all I wanted was to be alone. I would run away from big groups of people, and just sit and cry. It made everything very difficult for me.
When my grandfather died last month (or maybe it was may, I can't even keep track), I was constantly around people. It got very wearying sometimes, but I think it was far better for me. Stay around people, Telp. Ask friends if they can come over, or if you can go to their place. Just to hang out. Bake cookies. I don't know, those are ways to keep yourself busy. But don't be alone, ok? (((((Telp)))))
Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Valentine014: Xavier told me when his dad died he bought a Playstation 2 and played it for months straight. Said it was the only thing that kept him sane and his mind off of what happened for any period of time.
I did this recently myself, though I didn't realize why until you just mentioned it now. I'm reluctant to play my musical instruments and I'm having trouble focusing on books.
Telp, be self-indulgent, but make sure you spend a reasonable amount of time with good friends who don't make demands on you. Space is important, but so is social interaction. Make sure you try to strike the right balance.
Posts: 10886 | Registered: Feb 2000
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I want to be self-indulgent, but there is so much to worry about now. I'm still in a low paying job and now I have a HUGE morgage to worry about. Do we keep our home? Do we pay off the debt all at once and have nothing left or do we invest and pay off the debt little by little?
I do need distraction. I can't concentrate on anything anyway of real importance. I did clean the bathroom and kitchen floors an hour ago.
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As for the morgage, when the divorce happened Mom was laid up for about two years because of that and all the surgeries on her knee. She was apparently paying everything on credit cards. Just before Dad left Mom they had paid off the house and then got a second morgage. *sigh* Anyway, so after Mom got back on her feet and back to work she got another morgage out or refinaced. A HUGE sum. Well... better a morgage then 20 credit cards right?
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Remember that you don't have to make all these financial decisions on your own. You have your brother and, ultimately, the decisions are the responsibility of the executor of her will. It will all get straightened out. When I get too stressed out and overwhelmed by money stuff I repeat "It's only money. It's only money." and somehow it helps. *hug*
Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
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