quote:DRACO is fussing with fabrics in the dress shop. DRACO: Mummy, I don't WANT these robes; they're not posh enough! RON, HERMIONE, and HARRY come strutting down the aisle, wands out, snapping their fingers in unison. DRACO and NARCISSA: Sharks! RON, HERMIONE, and HARRY: Jets! DRACO and NARCISSA snarl, do a couple of pirouettes, and leap out of the shop. The GRYFFINDORS turn up their collars and do a few smooth spins, then skip off to FRED and GEORGE's Game Shop/Casino/Strip Club.
quote:DRACO walks by. RON, HERMIONE, and HARRY start stalking him. He goes into Borgin's Dark Side R Us. DRACO: (to BORGIN) I'm here about the Thing. You know, like the other Thing we talked about. And you better fix the Thing, you hear? Or a really dark Thing is going to happen to you! By which I mean a different Thing, other than the two Things I came here about! Which are bigger than a breadbox and too shocking for me to carry down the street! HARRY: Oh, I get it--Charades. I want to play! Hey, Draco, how many syllables?
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Next week some time (hopefully). Or she might just pull a JK on us and wait for two years between installments. Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
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quote:Train arrives at Hogwarts. SLYTHERINS exit. DRACO whips around and freezes HARRY, who falls off the luggage rack and loses his cloak. DRACO steps on HARRY's face, hard. DRACO: Loser. DRACO leaves HARRY on the floor to choke on his own blood. HARRY/DRACO SHIPPERS: OMG they're so in love!!!!
quote:YOUNG DUMBLEDORE: Hallo! I'm here to fetch Tom Riddle. MRS. COLE: (hiccup) You're welcome to him. Tad odd, that one. YOUNG DUMBLEDORE: Oh? How so? MRS. COLE: Hung someone's rabbit from the rafters...lured two kids into a cave and they were insane when they came out...has a "666" birthmark on his scalp...made a website about how he's going to kill us all...the usual stuff for boys his age.
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That link actually showed up here first, I posted it on a community that she belongs to over at livejournal, and then she posted it as molly ringwraith and it got even MORE exposure.
Who was it that posted it here originally?
Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
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Don't apologize! I think the funny should be posted and reposted and enjoyed by all. I was actually showing some pride that I saw it here first. Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
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quote:Yeah, okay. On another note, etiquette question: if we all wear black at the funeral, it isn't going to look like we worship the Dark Lord, is it?
quote: DEPRESSED!LUPIN: Been hanging out with other werewolves. The kind who want to kill normal people. HARRY: You're normal; you just have a ...problem. DEPRESSED!LUPIN: (and I quote) Sometimes you remind me a lot of James. He called it my "furry little problem" in company. Many people were under the impression that I owned a badly behaved rabbit. HARRY: Uh...yeah. I'm sure that's what they thought. Rather than anything extremely kinky or weird.
quote: Then he swings into the 7th-floor boys' bathroom and finds DRACO sobbing at one of the sinks while MOANING MYRTLE tries to console him. HARRY/DRACO SHIPPERS: (nearly fainting) Oh my God, it's the best hurt/comfort setup ever!!! Hug him!! Hug him!!! DRACO sees HARRY, wheels around, and tries to send the Cruciatus curse at him. HARRY/DRACO SHIPPERS: Okay, well, close enough!
quote: HARRY: Take the map! And the lucky potion! Watch Malfoy and Snape! Call the Coast Guard! Raise the terror alert level to orange! Grope Ginny goodbye for me! HARRY dashes off. RON and HERMIONE glance at each other. RON: Which of us is supposed to do that last bit, I wonder?
quote: HARRY: Ginny...I'm going to say what Spiderman and Superman and all the other superheroes always have to say to their girlfriends...
quote:HARRY: Booyah! (kisses the Felix Felicis vial) I love you. Now maybe I ought to sneak into the girls' dormitory before it wears off. Nah, being a virgin is too much fun. I'll visit Dumbledore instead.
quote: HARRY: Now you listen to me. I...where are you going? DUMBLEDORE: To destroy a Horcrux. Coming? HARRY: Oh. Well...I guess... DUMBLEDORE: Something wrong? HARRY: No. DUMBLEDORE: Aw, come on. Spill it. Fight with your girlfriend? HARRY: No, dammit! Snape's evil, like I've been saying all along! He totally--wait, hang on, I need to turn on the caps lock of rage--HE TOTALLY TOLD VOLDEMORT TO KILL MY PARENTS! HE KNOWS THE PROPHECY! AND YOU HIRED HIM ANYWAY, YOU DIMWIT! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, RUIN MY LIFE?
quote: HARRY: Professor! There are dead things, dead faces, in the water! DUMBLEDORE: I swear to Godric Gryffindor, Harry, if you don't stop quoting 'Lord of the Rings', I'm going to throw you in.
quote: SNAPE: Avada Kedavra! DUMBLEDORE takes the death ray in the chest and plummets off the Astronomy Tower. FROZEN!HARRY would scream "Nooooo!" just like FRODO at the Bridge of Khazad-Dum, but he's frozen, so he can't. READERS: That did *not* just happen. READERS all flip back a page and re-read that passage, then continue onward with their mouths hanging open.
This was my exact reaction.
Posts: 4089 | Registered: Apr 2003
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quote:DUMBLEDORE: This is the cave where Voldemort caused those two kids to lose their minds. Want to go in? HARRY: Sure. DUMBLEDORE: Let's see...the entrance is concealed with magic...how do we open it? HARRY: Tried the Elvish word for "friend"? ... DUMBLEDORE: Don't disturb the water. HARRY: Big thing with tentacles going to reach out and grab me? DUMBLEDORE: We'll find out when we take this boat into the water to get the Horcrux. ... HARRY: Professor! There are dead things, dead faces, in the water! DUMBLEDORE: I swear to Godric Gryffindor, Harry, if you don't stop quoting 'Lord of the Rings', I'm going to throw you in.
I laughed so hard at that whole passage.
Posts: 3932 | Registered: Sep 1999
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quote:YOUNG VOLDEMORT: Oh, Lady Hepzibah, what *lovely* knickknacks you have! I do so wish I could "borrow" them from you. A cup with the Hufflepuff badger...a locket with the Slytherin snake...my my, how lucky you are. Here, let me stir your cocoa for you. With my back turned.
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I almost died with the bit about Harry asking if Draco would fancy a movie...the cursing Slash fic writers. Posts: 6689 | Registered: Jan 2005
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quote:YOUNG VOLDEMORT: Sir, just one little question: tell me about Horcruxes. YOUNGER SLUGHORN: Aww, Tommy honey, here's the thing about Horcruxes: they're real dangerous, but if you want to know... YOUNG VOLDEMORT: Oh yes, sir, ever so much. YOUNGER SLUGHORN: Well, you know The One Ring? How Sauron contained some of his power or soul or something in it, so he couldn't totally be destroyed as long as the Ring was out there? YOUNG VOLDEMORT: Only nerds read that book, but yeah, I've heard of it. YOUNGER SLUGHORN: Similar deal. Except here, you have to kill someone in order to split your soul and stuff a piece of it into a ring, or a ceiling fan, or a tea cozy, or what have you. YOUNG VOLDEMORT: (eager) What if you've already killed, like, three or four people? Could you get started right away? YOUNGER SLUGHORN: Uh...why do you ask? YOUNG VOLDEMORT: No reason. More pineapple?
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