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Author Topic: Some Assembly Required
rivka
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. . . is one of the biggest lies there is. [Razz]

I didn't buy furniture; I bought kits to make furniture! >_<

How to assemble an electrified microwave cart, in 20 easy steps.

  1. Open box, remove parts. Lay out neatly, matching to inventory list.
  2. Read instructions carefully, especially if they are written in something that only resembles English.
  3. Begin assembly, carefully following directions.
  4. Discover that one of the pieces is damaged. Stop assembly.
  5. Call company for replacement part. Wait.
  6. Wait some more.
  7. Receive replacement part. Attempt to locate instructions.
  8. Finally locate instructions in the last place you expected -- put away neatly with all the other instructions.
  9. Continue assembly where you left off.
  10. Get to step "Tighten all screws" and realize there are pieces that should have been put in, but the instructions never said to do so. [Wall Bash]
  11. Swear at instructions.
  12. Swear at self (see step 2).
  13. Partially disassemble to allow insertion of missing pieces.
  14. Experience torque first-hand, as several pieces react badly to only being anchored on one side.
  15. Duck. Catch.
  16. Reassemble with missing pieces in place.
  17. Discover that when reassembling you missed a piece. Fortunately, this one will require very little disassembly to insert.
  18. Complete assembly. Tighten all screws.
  19. Admire your ever-so-slightly-cockeyed microwave cart, complete with microwave that is ever-so-slightly-larger than the shelf.
  20. Shower.

Bonuses:
  • The pride of having put it together yourself. ( [Razz] Overrated.)
  • Aerobic exercise.
  • Develop new flexibility, attempting to access screws and bolts in impossible places.
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Enigmatic
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Ikea is the big target of this type of jokes, but I have to say the shelves I bought there were easier to assemble than most "some assembly required" furniture I've ever done. And the directions got around the typical "bad translation" issues by not having words in the instructions. It was all pictograms and arrows.

But nobody wants to hear that. Just like nobody wants to hear how the food on my Lufthansa flight was actually rather good.

--Enigmatic
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rivka
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quote:
Originally posted by adam613:
That's what you get for buying from IKEA [Big Grin]
Actually, IKEA has better directions than average. And this wasn't from there. [Razz]
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katharina
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That reminds me - I'm going to get a rolly-cart for the TV in my new apartment so I can have people over to watch movies without all the sweat and tears of dragging it out of my bedroom.

AND

An IKEA just opened in Dallas. This will be an occasion to go shopping. [Smile]
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Tante Shvester
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My kid starts High School right after Labor Day. If memory serves, during the first week of high school there is some assembly required.
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ketchupqueen
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I bought a big ol' wardrobe from IKEA and had no problem putting it together (other than the fact that it literally weighs 400 lbs.) I have always enjoyed putting together IKEA furniture. And their instructions make sense to me.

Rivka's furniture, while prettier than what you would probably get from IKEA, has horrid instructions.

I am happy to help anyone who has IKEA furniture. But the stuff rivka got is hard to put together!
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Treason
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Not to be all anti-feminist but this is one of the resons I have a boyfriend. [Wink]
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Farmgirl
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*groans at Treason*
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mackillian
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Hey, I fixed our toilet today.

It required a trip to Home Depot to pick up the parts (the lever had broken on the inside).

I love Home Depot.
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theCrowsWife
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Personally I love "some assembly required" furniture (or toys, or whatever). But then I also enjoy puzzles. I think of them as big three-dimensional puzzles that turn into furniture when you're done.

--Mel
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The Reader
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It is fun to think of them as puzzles.
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mackillian
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quote:
I think of them as big three-dimensional puzzles that turn into furniture when you're done.
Half the time, when I'm done, they've turned into bits of wood and lost screws strewn across the living room.
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rivka
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quote:
Originally posted by ketchupqueen:
Rivka's furniture, while prettier than what you would probably get from IKEA, has horrid instructions.

I am happy to help anyone who has IKEA furniture. But the stuff rivka got is hard to put together!
Oh, most of those (except the two pieces already assembled) are going back. And this cart isn't made by the same place anyway (although I did order it from the same catalog).
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Goody Scrivener
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I love my Ikea furniture. Easy to assemble, looks good, the wood matches, and excellent prices. The {bleeping} Sauder bookshelves I got from Walmart, though... those may be getting replaced very soon with Billy shelving from Ikea.

And I'm about to get a second Ikea store near me! Bolingbrook is SOOOOOOO much closer than Schaumburg! (in fact it's going in right across the street from my pseudo-husband's job...)
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