posted
I've always admired and wanted to pattern my interactions on Hatrack after Papa Moose and Claudia Therese. I've never seen either of them be anything other than classy. I thought, I want to be like that. I haven't lived up to it, though. When something makes me mad, I seem to just need to react. And more than that, I need to stab the person who has made me angry, so that they know just how angry I've been.
I don't want to be the sort of person who never backs down, who never revisits the things he has done wrong, and who never apologizes. So I'm doing it here.
Belle, I said something pretty hateful about your parenting once. Not because I believed for a second that you were anything other than an amazing mother, but because I wanted you to feel hurt as I felt hurt. That was petty of me. I apologized in the thread, but I don't think you saw it, because you seemed to have left the thread because of my behavior. In any case, my apology at the time was way too half-hearted. I was classless, and you have shown your class since then by forgiving me anyway. You would let me get away with pretending it never happened, but it did, and I was wrong, and I'm sorry.
Anne Kate, I'm sorry I cursed at you that one time last year. I was angry and hurt and frustrated, and I snapped. I seem to do that. I was not lying when I told you that I valued your friendship and your contribution to Hatrack. I have read where you have explained that when someone screams at you, you are done with them, because you won't let anybody treat you with so little disrespect. I guess saying, "**** you" is the virtual equivalent of that. But I still love how hard you try to be perfectly kind to everyone. Even when I don't agree with you, I still respect what you're trying to be. And I miss your friendship.
Katharina, I haven't always defended you when I thought you were being wronged. I told you once it was because I thought you were strong enough to handle it, or some such load of crap, I don't remember exactly what. But I think it was really moral cowardice. I'm sorry.
Apologizing to people you like is easy. Apologizing to people you don't like is much harder, because it feels like an admission that you were wrong about everything, even if you don't think you were. But a classy person would be able to have discussions where he disagrees vehemently, and even discussions with people he doesn't like, and still be able to behave with class.
StarLisa, the things I said to you in the "Question for Card" thread were beyond the pale. I was angry, and so I wanted you to know just what I thought of you. I even had some warped sense that it was a virtue to say this to your face instead of talking about you behind your back. How silly. It would have been better to have said nothing at all.
Jonathan Howard, Maethoriell, and Blayne Bradley, I have been pretty snarky to you on Hatrack. I keep trying to type an explanation of why I do this, and my explanation keeps turning into something condescending or insulting. So I won't explain my behavior. I will simply apologize for it.
Jay, Occasional, Orson Scott Card, and BeanCounter, I have talked about you behind your back. ditto the above. I apologize.
I'm sure there are other people I have been less than wonderful to at Hatrack. These are the actions I remember and am ashamed of. But if I hurt you and you don't see your name here, I hope a generic I'm sorry, and I'm even more sorry for not remembering or noticing, will do.
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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You've always been one of the Hatrackers I've admired most. This just makes me feel even more that that's a justified sentiment. Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
It takes courage to publicly admit one's shortcomings. You are one of the people I truly admire.
Posts: 4569 | Registered: Dec 2003
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quote: I even had some warped sense that it was a virtue to say this to your face instead of talking about you behind your back. How silly. It would have been better to have said nothing at all.
I think I need to work on this myself.
I personally have always thought you were a class act.
Posts: 1015 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
Icarus, I've said petty and hurtful things on this forum myself, so while I was hurt at the time I understand and do not hold it against you or judge you for it. Likewise, I think you and Cor are fantastic parents too and I admire you both for having such wonderful girls even though there have been challenges along the way. You guys are the types of parents I look up to.
posted
Icky, you are darling for mentioning me. I didn't even know there was something to apologize for.
*thinks* I get into blowouts every once in a while (less than I used to), and sometimes I'm at fault and sometimes I'm not. During the event, I almost never think I am, so it's hard for me to judge when my stubbornness is justified and when I need to repent of it.
I used to get really upset when no one defended me. During the Great Conflict of 2001, I actually let go of a friendship because I was so hurt by an abandonment. That also marks the last time I ever expected anyone to defend me.
Occasionally I have been the target of dedicated character assasination, and while my opinion of the perpetrators is unprintable and my consolation the knowledge that they have to be themselves, poor things, I will also adore forever those who defended me. I think that has included you.
I never expect it, and except for the scenario just mentioned, I usually don't need it. You were right about that, I think.
Mostly rambles here. But in other words, it's fine. I appreciate the apology, but you have my friendship and good opinion either way. Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
Icarus, I don't think I have ever had a problem with you. Saying that you talk about me behind my back, regardless of what you say, is surprisingly a compliment. I would much rather be noticed in a negative way than ignored, although getting an agreement on something I believe is still better. That is one reason I even post on the Internet.
By the way, based on your list of who you appologize to, it sounds like political problems more than personal.
Posts: 2207 | Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
Icky, I value your friendship too, and I was never angry at you. Please don't feel there's anything to apologize for, I never really felt it as a breach in our friendship. I just listened to Mango reading and celebrated along with you. That must make you gloriously happy. It makes me really happy, too. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Posts: 6246 | Registered: Aug 2004
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