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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » Pun Smackdown XXXVII: A pressing engagement

   
Author Topic: Pun Smackdown XXXVII: A pressing engagement
Bob_Scopatz
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In honor of Dan's new job, puns about printing, printed material.

I've never found you more a-tract-ive, Dan.

I hope you new job doesn't cause you any Paine, and you get the Benjamins for it. (ooh, a pun within a pun on printing!)

As you sell their services remember the phrase "These colors don't run...
but these on this page do."

And I hereby urge you to read Stephen Vincent Benet's Nightmare Number 3

May you never become the victim of a three color process!

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Megan
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I font to compliment you on the timeliness of this thread, Bob. Really, it has such a nice weight to it. I'm sure no one will ream you for it.
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Dagonee
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I'm in a bind here. I'm not sure I can thoroughly cover the topic.
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Bob_Scopatz
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But you're one of our staples!
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ludosti
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I th-ink we should work harder to stamp out this kind of thing. It's bound to get out of hand quickly.
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Megan
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I guess I'll have to participate in this thread later. I just spilled juice down my frontispiece, and I need to go clean it up.
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Bob_Scopatz
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Well, okay Megan, but you're liable to just end up a footnote.
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Dagonee
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As long as you're willing to take the leading, I kern be persuaded to participate.
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Enigmatic
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Bob, I know your type, setting around all day thinking of new puns.
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Bob_Scopatz
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I think the rag content was a little high there.
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Bob_Scopatz
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Dan was so successful selling printed ads for the local DJ that he had to use a wagon to carry around his radio flyers.
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Megan
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Bob, I don't mind being a footnote, so long as I don't end up as someone's indent-ured servant.

Sorry if that pun was lame...I'm kind of spacing out.

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Bob_Scopatz
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It's okay, as long as you do a line feed...
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Megan
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Well, you know, they say the Times, they are a changing. But I think that's just from an Arial view.
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Dagonee
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The Helvetica you say!
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Megan
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That's a very bold response, Dag. Italic like it is, but you...you underline the subject!
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Elizabeth
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I know you think you have all the write stuff, Dag, but really, you could return Megan;s compliment much more politely. If I were you, I would offer to pick up the tab the next time you are together.
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Elizabeth
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But I must say, Dag, you're a type all your own.
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Dan_raven
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I am striving for an a-type-ical responce. While that should be the most pressing concern, it seems to elite-ist for me.
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Bob_Scopatz
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Dan also scored a print job puttng together a map & directory for the local shopping center. They didn't like it at first -- buncha mall contents -- but after they were taken over by aliens everything seemed to turn out just fine. Later in his career, Dan always looked back fondly on the Day of the Trifolds.
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genius00345
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Dan, I hope that the new job won't have you en-dash to the cleaners all the time!
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Bob_Scopatz
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Dan at first thought that he had to be really aggressive to sell printing services in the competitive market he'd entered. His boss pulled him aside one day and said "don't worry Dan, we've got you covered. Your job is protected." It was then that Dan realized he had joined the lamby-nation.
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Elizabeth
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You know, we never discuss OSC's farm animals on this site. I would be interested in hearing about the Card stock.
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Sopwith
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So on Dan's first day, he tried to start a union. The print shop was in an uproar with half wanting to unionize and the other half in opposition. In the end, with neither side willing to compromise, they had to physically divide the shop. The border, appropriately enough, was a line o' type right down the middle.
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Sterling
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The job doesn't have a pen-sion, the contract is a boldfaced lie... In short, it really inks!
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