Topic: Darnit! Darnit Darnit! (problems involving a friend)
Blayne Bradley
unregistered
posted
So I'm at a friends (lets say his name is Columbus) apartment for the evening while waiting for my mom to pick me up. However my other friend (Leno) who is my firend's roomate feeds me leftovers so its all good.
But then my older friend from highschool (White) comes over, and talks to us for abit, then it turns out that COlumbus plans to move out possibly breaking a joint lease to move in with white but, White learns that Columbus sometimes doesn't pay his bills or is irresponsible at times and took 2 bloody weeks to even sit down to write down his resume after he got fired! It took Leno to go to his significant other convince him to have no more sex until he does his resume.
The result: White may not be able to sign the lease without getting a 3rd person in, I myself don't have enough money to join in so I'm out and now I feel depressed and concerned for my friend.
He's quitting college for a year cuz' he can't handle the stress dispite the fact he's in a bloody basket weaving course as far as I am concerned and sure he quite some of his activities such as being prez of the larp club but still remianded club of another club (which shall remain nameless).
His somewhat irresponsible behavior and his student and life success is at stake and I feel responsible for not doing enough to help him.
posted
I know that this is hard to accept because I've gone through similar situations in my friendships past and present but the truth of the matter is this: You are not responsible for your friend's actions or his future.
I love and care for all of my friends and this is just one of those things I have to struggle with constantly. As someone's friend I feel responsible to look out for their well-being and to help them whenever I can. However, at one point you just have to accept that as their friend all you can do is advise them as to what you think is best and hope that they will follow it. Ultimately however, there is nothing you can do to change things. You can't force them to do what you think is right, that's a decision they need to make on their own.
You have done your duty as a friend by giving him your opinion. It's up to him to decide whether he wants to take it into consideration or not.
I hope this helps, it's a bit hard for me to put it all down into words like this and for some reason I feel like I've missed saying something important... maybe it'll come back to me again later and I can post it here Posts: 459 | Registered: Mar 2005
| IP: Logged |
Blayne Bradley
unregistered
posted
Yeah, I haven't really given my opinion yet either since I haven't seen "Columbus" in a while, and he wasnt at that conversation.
However I will give my opinion on this and will keep my eyes open, its been one little thing after an other building up and acculminating.
IP: Logged |
posted
The biggest danger in wanting to help your friends, especially ones who seem to be in self-destruct mode, is that sometimes they end up taking you down with them. It's good that you're there for him as someone he can talk to, but don't get yourself too closely wrapped up in his situation. For example, knowing he has bill payment issues, I wouldn't get into any kind of financial arrangement involving him - even if I could afford to cover the bill(s) entirely on my own income.
I hope things look up soon.
Posts: 4515 | Registered: Jul 2004
| IP: Logged |
Blayne Bradley
unregistered
posted
luckily or unluckily I live at home so I have no fears financially from him, it would be impossible for him if he goes kaboom to take me down its like having force fields to deflect the blasts.
What I am going to do is offer my services to keep an eye on him, or rather both eyes for as long as I can spare them. If I see things sleeping I'll offer my services to help him get the job done, like I could've kept on his case until he finished his resume.
Little things, but what I really want to do is get us in a room and I want the two of us to critize ourselves find out what we did wrong and find solutions to fix those problems, the advantages is admission to making mistakes and setting a course to correct them.
IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
