posted
If you've done much holiday shopping for kiddy toys, you may have noticed that just about everything is now made in China. This is in stark contrast to the situation just a generation ago, when the vast majority of children's toys were manufactured by elves at the North Pole.
The massive outsourcing in the toy industry has led to rampant unemployment among the elf population. Some have found work baking Fudge Stripe Cookies for the Keebler corporation, and a few are doing freelance work for shoemakers, but there is just not enough work to go around.
Special Programs for Elven Workers (SPEW) have been established (most famously, The Lord of the Rings movies), but most employers are reluctant to hire full-time elves, perhaps biased by the stereotype of elves only being interested in seasonal work.
The unemployment and underemployment of the elven population has lead to a widespread loss of morale. Many elves are landing up on the street and addicted to drugs (the so-called "High Elves").
I am sponsoring a new elven work initiative, Adopt-an-Elf, to try to bring back the dignity of self-sufficiency to the elven population. Please help. Your donation can make a difference.
posted
Wait, wait, wait. I thought SPEW was for the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare. Which is it?
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
So, are you saying that elves are more important to our world than the poor Chinese worker who earns a living, though scant, on toy production?
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
I'm amazingly offended at this post, Tante. I'm surprised at your lack of sensitivity.
Are you saying that North Pole elves deserve the work any more than Chinese elves do? It's a matter of business smarts: who can do the work the cheapest? If the North Pole elves are getting outbid, that's their problem. The cost of living isn't any better or worse than it is for the Chinese elves, so it's simply a matter of who does a better job for less.
The quality of our toys has not decreased: in fact, we've seen a sharp rise in quality as compared to the 80s and 90s. This can be attributed in part to the Chinese Elven work ethic. After years of being passed over for roles in feature films and losing the Keebler contract, I'm glad to see that the elves of East Asia are being given a chance.
You should be, too. Shame on you for starting your organization.
Posts: 4313 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
I say we send our smartest scientists to the North Pole and study the elves and how they can survive in all that cold!
Posts: 1209 | Registered: Dec 2003
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posted
Haven't you heard, human? There's an opening into the center of the Earth at the North Pole (there's one at the South Pole, too, you know), where it's nice and warm all the time. Those elves are smart; they've colonized in the warm region and only keep the buildings out there in the cold and the ice to put people off the trail of where they really live and do their work.
Posts: 2454 | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
What, you need dishes? I'm partial to delft blue ones myself. Yeah, I know, so overdone, and yet...
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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quote:Originally posted by littlemissattitude: Haven't you heard, human? There's an opening into the center of the Earth at the North Pole (there's one at the South Pole, too, you know), where it's nice and warm all the time. Those elves are smart; they've colonized in the warm region and only keep the buildings out there in the cold and the ice to put people off the trail of where they really live and do their work.
I need to do that to my house. Then I wouldn't need 5 blankets at night...
Posts: 1209 | Registered: Dec 2003
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posted
Has anyone seen Lord of the Beans? It's a Veggie Tale movie and quite funny. In this movie, a Keebler elf is cast in a parody of the Lord of the Rings elves ... You wanna point a finger at the lack of elvish jobs, just look at that. One elf taking two jobs. And to top it all off, I believe it was an elvish impostor. A gourd of some sort ...
Posts: 2827 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
i say the elves have skilled labor on their side, but the fact that the chinese outnumber the elves about 100000000 to 1 makes for an uncomfortable manhour issue. i wish both People's Rupublics all the luck in the world. if they could just see past this materialism and work together to overthrow their similarly overweight and bespecled party chairmen. Oh well.
Posts: 1156 | Registered: Jan 2004
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Blayne Bradley
unregistered
posted
... its The People's Republic of China for one and 2 their Party Chairman I'm not entirely sure who it is but their government has been steadily improving since the Deng Xiaoping Open Market oriented reforms in 1978. I know their President is Hu Jintai and their Premier is Wen Jiabao.
AND PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF BHUDDA DO NOT TURN THIS INTO a "CHICOM IS EVIL" DEBAT.
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quote:Originally posted by airmanfour: i say the elves have skilled labor on their side, but the fact that the chinese outnumber the elves about 100000000 to 1 makes for an uncomfortable manhour issue. i wish both People's Rupublics all the luck in the world. if they could just see past this materialism and work together to overthrow their similarly overweight and bespecled party chairmen. Oh well.
quote:Originally posted by Blayne Bradley: ... its The People's Republic of China for one and 2 their Party Chairman I'm not entirely sure who it is but their government has been steadily improving since the Deng Xiaoping Open Market oriented reforms in 1978. I know their President is Hu Jintai and their Premier is Wen Jiabao.
AND PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF BHUDDA DO NOT TURN THIS INTO a "CHICOM IS EVIL" DEBAT.
All this is completely besides the point. It is not about Chinese politics. It is about finding work for the poor elves!
posted
Send money. I'll use it to put the elves to work. They can make me new shoes. Some toys. Perhaps some cookies. Maybe clean out the basement. I'll show them how to use the washer and dryer and they can help with the laundry. If I can find the right candidate, perhaps I can provide employment running the carpool.
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
i didn't mean to politicize the issue, i just wanted to help provide justification for the necessity of groups like SPEW. i think a giant leap in the direction of world peace would be a byproduct of the successes of SPEW and other elvish minded NGOs.
Posts: 1156 | Registered: Jan 2004
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Blayne Bradley
unregistered
posted
Ok, cuz any such politizied debats for some reason always go sour.
I'll hire some elves, I need some1 to do my chores.
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posted
So do these elves come with supplies? I mean to say, if I hire an elf do I get the cookie baking equipment, or the shoe making equipment, or the battle gear along with it? Or do I provide those? Are they specialized workers? And, more importantly, are they unionized? I don't want to imply that these elves are not needy, etc etc, blah blah. I just want to know what I'm getting in to before I give anything.
Posts: 2827 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
Whether you provide supplies or the elves bring their own is for you to negotiate on a case-by-case basis. Some of the elves are indeed highly specialized; most of the unemployed elves have many years of experience in the toy industry, although some skills may carry over to non-toy factory positions.
For instance, sweeping up the factory floor would make an elf eminently qualified to sweep up my basement.
There is no elven union. They are accustomed to working ridiculous hours for minimal or no wages. (c.f. Shoemaker Elves).
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
Is there some kind of temporary worker program already established by the government? i would love to hire a few elves to take care of some errand-running/learning, but i would be very wary of the INS. Any news on that front or are we going to have to start lobbying?
posted
It's not that i don't trust you with my money, but are some bigger and more established agencies involved in focusing on the employment of elves as an interest group, specifically, or are you our only siphon? because, frankly, your constant appeals for money lead me to believe you are exploiting our holiday goodwill and these elves' unfortunate circumstances.
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