I've been a fan of his stand-up for a long time. I had hoped he'd have a long and successful career. I'm really saddened by this.
Posts: 1814 | Registered: Jul 2004
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"If you are flamable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit"
"I like escalators cuase they can never break. They can only become stairs"
"Wearing a turtle-neck and a backpack is like having a weak midget on your back that's trying to bring you down"
"Someone tried to give me a receipt for buying a donut. I don't need a receipt for a donut. I give you a dollar, you give me a donut. End of transaction"
"I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that."
"Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one that you can get yelled at for having"
"I want to be a racecar passenger"
"I've never been good at golf, I never got a hole in one. But I did hit a guy, and that's way more satisfying. You're supposed to yell for, but I was too busy mumbling, "There ain't know way that's gonna hit him"
"I want them to make a cinnamon roll scented incense, so I can wake up all my roommates with false hopes."
"I saw a jar that said, "Guess how many jellie beans there are and you win a prize." Aww come on man, lemme just have some. Tell you what, you guess how many I want"...
Paraphrased mostly. I thought I'd quote him, because me and my roomates about a year and a half ago quoted him more than any other stand up comedian. A good number of our limitless inside jokes were derived from his act. I'm am incredibly sad to hear that he died...
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quote:me and my roomates about a year and a half ago quoted him more than any other stand up comedian. A good number of our limitless inside jokes were derived from his act.
Same here. There are times when this one friend of mine and I will just start talking in that Mitch Hedberg voice, and not stop for awhile. He was one of my favorite stand-up comedians.
Posts: 1814 | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote: Same here. There are times when this one friend of mine and I will just start talking in that Mitch Hedberg voice, and not stop for awhile.
Oh, I did this for a solid week once. I think people were yelling at me by the end of it, but I was able to do it well enough to make them die laughing the rest of the time.
Posts: 3003 | Registered: Oct 2004
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posted
Damn. I just recently found out about this guy, and he was quickly becoming one of my favorites comedians.
quote: "The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good a a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless."
"I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something."
"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."
posted
A lifetime of drug abuse will eventually get ya, but dang he was funny! Now I will always be sad that I missed his show a couple months ago. Had I but known!
--ApostleRadio
RIP Mitch
May wherever you are always smell of cinnamon rolls.
Posts: 1612 | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
This is terrible. He was one of my favorite comedians. I actually got to see him live when he was the guest star in Lewis Black and Dave Attel's tour - he was even funnier in person.
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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I liked his bit about the guy wearing several earrings, a hat, a nose ring and I can't remember what all. He said the guy had a lot of "cranium accessories". If you didn't understand that, it was a lot of "sh*t on his head".
quote: An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see a escalator "temporarily outta order" sign, just escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience... we apologize for the fact that you can still get up there.
quote: I was in Downtown Boise, Idaho, and I saw a duck, and I knew the duck was lost, 'cuz ducks ain't s'posed to be downtown. There's nothin' for 'em there. So I went to a Subway sandwich shop, I said, "Let me have a bun." But she wouldn't sell me just the bun, she said that I had to have something on it. She told me it's against regulations for Subway to sell just the bun. I guess the two halves ain't supposed to touch. So I said, "Alright, well, put some lettuce on it," which she did. She said, "That'll be $1.75." I said, "It's for a duck." And they said, "Alright, well, that is free." See, I did not know that. Ducks eat for free at Subway! Had I known that, I would have ordered a much larger sandwich. "Let me have the Steak Fajita Sub - but don't bother ringing it up, it's for a duck! There are six ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!"
posted
One year anniversary of his death, and here's some more quotes:
I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store oftentimes I will drop it, so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential.
I opened up a container of yogurt, and under the lid it said "Please Try Again." Apparently I was in a contest I was unaware of. But I thought I might have opened the yogurt wrong or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. "C'mon, Mitchell, don't give up. Please try again. A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top."
I was at a fair, and they were having a contest. It said, "Guess how many jelly beans there are in the jar" and you win a prize. "Ah c'mon, man, lemme just haaaave some. Tell you what, you guess how many I want. If you said a handful, you are correct."
I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.
I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would be really mad if she heard me say that.
If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable.
I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've travelled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so that the map will not fall down.
I hate turtlenecks. I have such a weak neck. Plus if you wear a turtleneck it's like being strangled by a really weak guy ... all day. And if you wear a turtleneck and a backpack it's like a weak midget's trying to bring you down.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having.
To do this show, I had to take a physical. They asked me a bunch of medical questions. And they were, like, yes or no questions, but they were very strangely worded. Like, "Have you ever tried sugar..... or PCP?"
I was in a casino, minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
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