posted
I was curious and thought this would be a good crowd to ask, so:
What's the probability that a person's first love could be their true love?
I've been talking about this recently with some friends and the resounding opinion is "no." They claim that its better to date lots of people for experience, to get a feel for what a person wants in a life partner, to decide once their older, etc. I do have two acquaintances who did marry their first loves and while their marriages are still sort of young, they seem very happy and stable.
The relevance is that today is my 6-month anniversary with my boyfriend. I'll be 21 years-old in 12 days and he's 22, going on 23 this summer. He dated a girl in high school for year and believes he loved her then but it didn't work out. Since then, he's spent the last 5 years of college being the stereotypical, unattached male. I "dated" a boy my senior year in high school though I know I never loved him. Aside from a few first dates over the past three years, I don't spend much time looking for boyfriends. Its very rare that I feel a connection to a guy, even as friends.
Alittle over a month ago, my boyfriend and I drove ourselves into a nasty rut. We were unhappy and some things were said that we both wish we could take back, but we got through it and our relationship is much stronger for it. We've been blessed with excellent communication (when we both remember to use it) and so we've begun talking more about our future. We plan to live together for a month or two this summer while attending classes. He'll graduate at the end of the summer and will head back home to work in the city and earn some money. We've decided to maintain our relationship long-distance since I have a year of school left. It'll be a 3 or 4 hour drive so we will hopefully get to see each other some each month.
There's also been alot of talk about our feelings. We're very much in love but its gone past that and we've both admitted to imagining our lives together once I graduate. This is huge step especially for him because he's a self-professed commitment-phobe. He's also relaxed to the point that he can joke about the potential adorableness of our "children" and a professor, and newly ordained minister, who offered to marry us oneday. I must say that I'm also alittle nervous because I have never felt this way before and it can be overwhelming for someone like myself who is usually a loner and keeps a very small circle of friends. And these friends, suprised by the positive changes we've had in each others lives, are convinced we're going to get married eventually.
I don't find the idea completely outlandish, though it does make me nervous that I'm inexperienced and therefore have little way of objectively judging my feelings. But I also know that for the first time I've found someone who I do feel for, very much, and who loves me exactly for who I am and not the person I often pretend to be.
That was longer than I meant to type but I'm interested to hear opinions. I just felt it necessary to show my honest interest because I am not some overexcited preteen (nothing against preteens as I was one not too long ago, but you know the type.)
So, did anyone here marry their first loves?
For those who didn't, what are your views regarding the memory of your first love and that experience?
EDIT: Just wanted to add that we're totally not thinking about getting married anytime soon. So no, we're not jumping into things. I'm just trying to make sense of everything that is happening.
posted
I don't think it's a matter of dating around trying people out so much as it is that people change drastically from, say, 20 to 30, to pick a couple of round numbers.
I tried to marry my first love (we got engaged), but she dumped me at about the 18 month mark.
Posts: 3846 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
I don't think there's a principle, or a rule behind it... some people find the right person a lot faster than others. I say stick with it a while longer, before you decide to get engaged or anything... if you two are that serious about each other, you can handle staying together for a few more years before making any further decisions. Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
I am my fiance's first serious relationship. He had a couple of month long things in high school. He is my third serious relationship. I think when you find the right person, you know something is different even if there was never anyone else. It will just be different than what you see in all the fleeting relationships of others.
I also would say that long distance will teach you a lot about your relationship. There is nothing fun about long distance but it can show you how deep your relationship is. It can be quite a challenge to learn how to communicate when you can never take the short cut of physical interactions or even just doing something like watching a movie together to fill the time or hide disagreements. If you can survive together a year of the distance, I would think that indicates a strong and mature relationship.
Posts: 416 | Registered: May 2005
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posted
My first and only serious relationship was in the last year of high school, and the year after it. I guess you could call her my high school sweetheart, we dated on and off for about three years, the last two of which were pretty solid.
We talked fairly seriously after I graduated (I was two years older than her) high school about what our future might be like together. Sadly, she discovered that she wanted to play the field a bit more, and broke up with me to date other guys. About two months later she hooked up with someone else and now they've been together for two years. Angry as I was about it then, I see they are great for each other and wish them all the best.
But I would have happily married her at the time. I was very much in love, and we got along extremely well. Sad thing is, most every girl I've met since has paled in comparison, makes it hard to settle.
As far as long distance goes, my brother is currently in a very, VERY serious long distance relationship. She lives in Ludington, which is on the west coast of Michigan, and we live in Detroit, on the east coast. Thankfully she goes to school at MSU, which is more or less at the halfway point (not really, it's much closer to Detroit than Ludington).
They talk a lot during the week, and almost every weekend he either drives to see her, or she drives to see him and they spend the weekend together. During the summer they see each other a little bit less, since it's a four hour drive and both are a little more busy, but they make the best of their time, and they seem very happy together. I realistically see them getting married when they both graduate from college and can be together more often. I've never seen the long distance thing work as well as they make it, which I think goes to show that two fairly mature individuals, who really are in love and WANT to make something happen, definetely CAN make it happen.
Posts: 21898 | Registered: Nov 2004
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posted
Lyr, once you meet the right one you will realize it...because you won't feel like you are "settling" for anyone at all. Posts: 15082 | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
I think you can love people, even romantic type people, in different ways. So maybe you've loved more than one person, but you've only felt each kind of love once. Or something.
posted
Jon Boy and I were each other's first loves. I dated a lot of different guys, and it was SO much more effortlessly right with him. I worried about many of the things you're describing at the time, but three years later and things with him are just as right.
Frankly, I don't think I could have fallen in love with many other guys. I haven't met another before or after Jon Boy who interested me much at all.
Posts: 1903 | Registered: Sep 2003
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