and I have pretty much moved on, seeing how that person is happy with who they chose. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine, K (who is just a tad bit crazier than me), invited me to this industrial club event and I agreed to go. We dressed up as gothic lolitas and got our stuff ready the day of the event, and K tells me she invited a friend of her's named S. Well, S seemed like a nice guy and since the flyer had very vague directions, we couldn't find the place. We decided to go to S's and watch some movies instead. Next day, S calls me up and asks me if I want to hang out with him. I knew what he was after, and I felt like I needed to go out with someone because it was time to move on from my previous relationship. He tells me that he really likes me and I hugged him back, because aside from it all, he really did attract me.
ANYHOOT, Sam and I have been together for at least three weeks now and things have been going good. That is until a few days ago when he told me that he has been feeling rather stressed and sad about something that had nothing to do with me.
He started to worry me, so I decided that it was time for me to take action and try to cheer him up a bit.
That is why I decided that he was worthy of one of the world famous Planet V De-Stress Kits! Actually I got together some bath salts, scented candles, his favorite chocolates, some rock candy, a CD I burnt with some relaxing music, and a little card that said, "Here are my two cents, the rest is up to you." (I later explained that my two cents were the kit and my support) At first, he didn't seem to like it that much, and A pointed it out as he was leaving. But back on AIM, he tells me that it was the sweetest thing ever! He really stressed how much he liked it and that made me happy.
So I finally took it to get it fixed and I was told that I probably wouldn't get it back in three weeks which hurts right here *rubs her little heart muscle area*
I'm actually typing this out from T's laptop because she is ever so nice. I love her.
posted
I hope so too. S has probably been the longest relationship I've had so far which worries me a little. He once told me that he wouldn't like it if I got too attatched to him because if something ever happened, then he wouldn't want to hurt me. However, I later told him that some attatchment is part of a relatioship and that I would give it everything I had because I don't want to feel like I am cheating him and myself. I really hope that things work out this time.
Getting hurt because you broke up with someone is just a part of life and I hope S understands that. The only way that it wouldn't hurt would be if you just didn't care about the relationship, and not only do I care, I know he does too. Posts: 3389 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Yeah, they kinda do. I'm so glad you logged on the nets today!!! I'll show you pictures of S on MySpace, Nellie!!!
Posts: 3389 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
I think the initials are sweet, in a Victorian novel kind of way: Shall I tell you, gentle reader, of my journey through the moors to _____shire? Of my meeting with J____ who introduced me to K____ and their charming children, LMNO and P?Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Tante Shvester: I think the initials are sweet, in a Victorian novel kind of way: Shall I tell you, gentle reader, of my journey through the moors to _____shire? Of my meeting with J____ who introduced me to K____ and their charming children, LMNO and P?
That was so Jane Ayre. I loved that book.
Posts: 3389 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Damn it. S is giving me crap already. He says that he is unsure about our relationship because I have very little life experience and I seem rather naive. He says that he had been feeling rather down and depressed lately because of money problems and a former girlfriend. That is one thing that irritates me a lot. He talks a lot about his previous relationships, and I honestly don't want to hear about them. In other words, he is going a little too emo on me and I have to set things straight for him. He seems to have been ignoring me all day and that really really irritates me. Roomates agree I should dump him, and I think that if he continues with this, I shall be forced to do so because I don't want to put up with this crap anymore. As you guys know, my previous relationship was rather complicated and I don't want to go through anything as difficult as that anymore where my significant other cannot do something about his issues. [/vent]
Anyhoot, I was wondering what other stuff is going on in your lives and such. I think it's time all of us girls got together and gossiped for a while. Posts: 3389 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Depending on the nature of the previous relationships, sometimes you NEED to hear about them.
My biggest problem up until my current boyfriend was that guys I dated didn't want to hear about my previous relationships at all, and as a result, it took a really long time before I was able to emotionally deal with some of the things I've gone through. So like I said, if some really bad crap has gone down, or if the relationships are very recent, you might do well to listen. It really depends, how long have you guys been dating? Is it really worth the effort?
Relationship-wise, for me, I'm still with the rocket scientist, who is incredibly understanding about all kinds of crap, like my insistence that when I light candles, there must be more than three, and my body cannot be contained within their perimeter. And the fact that I call compulsively. He never said anything about it until I mentioned that that was one of my compulsions...I HAVE to call people until they answer or call me back. If I don't put the phone in another room and either find another distraction or go to sleep, I'll call back over and over and over and over...and I think every sound is the phone ringing.
Yeah, I finally picked up a bunch of really good, detailed books on ocd that are making me feel much less weird. So I'm probably going to be pondering that for a while.
posted
I listened to his problems and I try to make him feel better. I've not told him how I feel about him talking about his other relationships, and honestly, it would bother me less if he wouldn't talk so much about them. I also need to be listened to and he doesn't seem to notice that. I haven't told him much about my other relationships because I am trying to get over them by forgetting how hurtful they were. I tell him that I cope with problems by looking ahead and realizing that things could be worse and there is no reason to be sad since good things will come again. It is not the end of the world. He has told me more about his problems but he is still keeping me in the dark about the details, and that is what is truly bothers me. I feel like he is pushing me away and I don't know why.
Posts: 3389 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Yeah, but the way you deal with problems isn't always the way that other people deal with them. Have you encouraged him to share details? Maybe that's what he's waiting for.
Are you on AIM? Maybe I can help in a more detailed way there.
posted
First...*hug* My relationship started off with alot of drama from my guy too.
You say your friends think you should dump him, but what do you think? Is all the craziness a big turnoff? If not and you're still feeling him, its gonna take some work.
My guy and I rely on communication. If we weren't open about everything, we would have broken up within the first week. So its good that he wants to share. But if he isn't listening when its your turn to talk, you need to bring that to his attention. Its gotta go both ways. There's times when one person needs more help, and it sounds like he's stressing right now, but that give-n-take is still important.
If he's keeping things secret, its okay to inquire, but he may not be ready to share. He may be embarrassed, confused, or worried about what you'll think of him, etc.
Personally, I loathe drama and overly-emotional guys, especially before I'm emotionally attached to them. But people are people and you just gotta know when to draw the line and when to work through things. Just follow your gut. And if something is bothering you, let him know in a loud, clear voice. haha.
On my end of things, the boy and I just survived our second huge fight and celebrated our 6-month two weeks ago. We even have plans to live together during summer school. Thankfully, that's only three weeks but that's still alot of time together especially with most of our friends out of town.
And a "Girls of Hatrack" discussion thread is a BRILLIANT idea!
Posts: 1733 | Registered: Apr 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
That's so awesome, Shanna! My boyfriend and I will have been together 4 months this month...which will make it my longest relationship ever.
Scary.
I do agree though, communication is huge. If nothing else, I can advise on what NOT to do because...although I've only had...uh...9 or 10 boyfriend-boyfriends, I've dated a whole lot of guys.
posted
Only?! I've had two boyfriends in my 21 years of life. Well, one and a half. I don't really count the high-school boyfriend since he never kissed me (don't ask, I don't know. haha) I'm horribly picky, but sometimes you just find the right guy. My boyfriend is the biggest enemy of monogamy but for some reason we work, much to the disbelief of the entire college.
Still...congrats to y'alls upcoming 4-month. My bf and I are sappy enough that we recognize each and every month that passes. Its fun!
The sad part is that he's moving away in August. Its only four hours, but between my school and his job, it's gonna be one intense long-distance relationship til I graduate the following May.
Posts: 1733 | Registered: Apr 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
I only had two boyfriends, like, ever. Not likely to have any more. (Though Tzaddik was asking last night what I would do if he died...)
Posts: 2762 | Registered: Sep 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
Oh no... this has has transformed into a girl gossip thread. Great suffering inevitably follows whenever "girl talk" begins to occur.... Posts: 2432 | Registered: Feb 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
4 hours apart for less than a year is now considered an intense long-distance relationship? What does that make my relationship? We have been 9 hours apart for the last 4 years.
Sorry, I am excited right now. Annie and I will be living in the same city for the first time in 4 years as of next Monday.
Also, does the fact that I'm a guy ruin the girl talk topic?
posted
Man, if I got a bunch of bath salts, candles and relaxing music, I'd be like "oh, you're so sweet" and throw the crap into a drawer, never to be used again.
Posts: 4753 | Registered: May 2002
| IP: Logged |
quote:Man, if I got a bunch of bath salts, candles and relaxing music, I'd be like "oh, you're so sweet" and throw the crap into a drawer, never to be used again.
I couldn't imagine the look on my boyfriend's face if I did that. His idea of a perfect date is going to a baseball game and then some truck stop in the ghetto for a hotdog, and his idea of relaxing music is Kansas.
Posts: 484 | Registered: Feb 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
I think the last gift I got my ex was a book on how to build your own battlebot. Yeah, I'm a geek He loved it though.
Posts: 957 | Registered: Aug 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
I would LOVE a book on how to build your own battlebot!
I am 31, and have had two boyfriends. That used to bother me when I was younger, but I'm fine with it, now. Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Shanna: Only?! I've had two boyfriends in my 21 years of life. Well, one and a half. I don't really count the high-school boyfriend since he never kissed me (don't ask, I don't know. haha) I'm horribly picky, but sometimes you just find the right guy. My boyfriend is the biggest enemy of monogamy but for some reason we work, much to the disbelief of the entire college.
Still...congrats to y'alls upcoming 4-month. My bf and I are sappy enough that we recognize each and every month that passes. Its fun!
The sad part is that he's moving away in August. Its only four hours, but between my school and his job, it's gonna be one intense long-distance relationship til I graduate the following May.
Well, to be fair, I only had...wait, no. I've had five since I came to college. Nevermind. The thing is, I've dated so many guys that I'm somewhat surprised my boyfriend count is so low.
My boyfriend and I don't keep track of the date of every month. But we do give each other gifts for every occasion which could possibly warrant a gift. We gave each other awesome Easter baskets.
Both of us really like chocolate and incense and candles.
Long distance is really hard. How often do you think you guys will get to see one another? If you can manage twice a month (once he comes to you, once you go to him) I don't think you'll have that much of a problem. But it depends on how much you get to see each other normally.
Also, to Alt: I'm really sorry that I disappeared last night! My computer disconnected me, and then the boy showed up. Computers are teh suck.
quote:Originally posted by pH: Long distance is really hard. How often do you think you guys will get to see one another? If you can manage twice a month (once he comes to you, once you go to him) I don't think you'll have that much of a problem. But it depends on how much you get to see each other normally.
I'd get to see him every holiday since we're from the same town. And the occasional weekend trip would be in order though it might be harder for him to get away.
But we're really used to see alot of each other. I'll often head to his place to hang out and end up staying for 3 days. And we once spent a week apart when he went to visit his sister in Ohio and...it was torture. He was really suffering. When we were reunited, I ended up going home to see my parents the next week. It wasn't a relationship breaker, but it certainly wasn't fun. And I know for the first couple of weeks that he's gone, I'm gonna have alot of jealousy issues to get over.
We also make it a point to talk on the phone every night so I'm sure that's habit that will be a big help once he's gone.
On the subject of candles, my boyfriend has some and some incense. He's broken them out once or twice for me during a massage but he had them before we met so either he secretly enjoys them or they're just part of his "player" kit. As gifts he likes books or music or anything having to do with Ultimate Frisbee. For Christmas I got him a league membership and as a just-felt-like-it gift I got him a new visor for when he plays since lost his old one. Came in extra-handy when he shaved his fro the next week and needed to darken the light patches on his head.
Posts: 1733 | Registered: Apr 2005
| IP: Logged |
My first boyfriend got me an english socket set for my birthday, because he knew I only had metric and needed english. I thought that meant we were a match made in heaven. (I still have the socket set, which was forged steel and considerably more durable than the relationship turned out to be.)
Each of the four guys has wildly surpassed the prior one in awesomeness, though, so I can't wait to meet my fifth. Posts: 6246 | Registered: Aug 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
How many boyfriends? Hubby included? One. Sometimes I wonder if I should feel proud or ashamed about it. Posts: 3526 | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Primal Curve: Man, if I got a bunch of bath salts, candles and relaxing music, I'd be like "oh, you're so sweet" and throw the crap into a drawer, never to be used again.
This thread is called girl talk for a reason.
Posts: 3389 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Well, he's got a point. Guys don't usually appreciate that stuff. My route when my hubby was feeling particularly stressed was to use much of that stuff as my tools to help him relax, along with a massage. But on their own, guys probably won't dig it all out for a relaxing evening.
Still, it was a sweet gift, and I'm glad that your bf had the good sense to appreciate it. Posts: 2880 | Registered: Jun 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
I am marrying number two in three weeks. He is not really into the bath stuff either. I usually find it is easier to relax him by getting him to do things as his stress tends to be mental. If I can convince him to do an activity that occupies him, he will mellow considerably. Our favorites include action movies, bowling, live music, and dinner at a restaurant that involves you like the japanese steak houses.
Posts: 416 | Registered: May 2005
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion: This thread is called girl talk for a reason.
You threw that out of the window when you posted about his initial reaction to your present. I think it's pretty safe to say his reaction was something along the lines of "what the crap am I supposed to do with this junk?"
quote:Originally posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion: But back on AIM, he tells me that it was the sweetest thing ever! He really stressed how much he liked it and that made me happy.
It's amazing how sincere people sound on the internet.
Posts: 4753 | Registered: May 2002
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Primal Curve: Man, if I got a bunch of bath salts, candles and relaxing music, I'd be like "oh, you're so sweet" and throw the crap into a drawer, never to be used again.
For the record, if someone ever actually thought it would be a good idea to give me bath salts, candles, and relaxing music, I would do exactly the same thing. I suppose that sort of stuff always seemed like an overly generic, "I don't know you well enough to get you something unique," easy way out sort of gift.
Edit: Didn't read at first that you were giving it to him specifically because he was stressed, I suppose it makes better sense then. Glad he liked them.
Posts: 4292 | Registered: Jan 2001
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion: This thread is called girl talk for a reason.
You threw that out of the window when you posted about his initial reaction to your present. I think it's pretty safe to say his reaction was something along the lines of "what the crap am I supposed to do with this junk?"
quote:Originally posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion: But back on AIM, he tells me that it was the sweetest thing ever! He really stressed how much he liked it and that made me happy.
It's amazing how sincere people sound on the internet.
I've decided to ignore the likes of you from now on.
Posts: 3389 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
I'd tell him that if he isn't planning on using the bath salts etc, you'll take them back for yourself, and go shopping with him for something else he likes of equivalent value. How he reacts to that will tell you a lot about whether the relationship is worth keeping or not.
posted
*grin* after 4 or 5 years of our relationship Steve actually started using bath salts, for muscle soreness. He started with the generic epsom salts which come in a plain medical looking non-girly bag, and are great for ordinary soaks... now he's upgraded slightly. There's a variety that makes salts that smells like eucalyptus and liniment that are great for clearing out the sinuses as well as having the muscle relaxing properties. Occasionally I buy the lavender version though.
posted
If my gf bought me candles and bath salts, I'd go for that. Well, if I had a bathtub. DAMN YOU SHOWER! DAMN YOU TO HELL!
Posts: 3950 | Registered: Mar 2006
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by MightyCow: If my gf bought me candles and bath salts, I'd go for that. Well, if I had a bathtub. DAMN YOU SHOWER! DAMN YOU TO HELL!
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
He loved it though.
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
