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Why can't I have been born a superhero with all kinds of super strength and stuff?
After the nurses told me that I would feel better now that I can no longer take the two chemo drug regimen and am down to a one drug regimen, I was skeptical. I mean, chemo has been a nightmare for me so far, why would anything go right for once? Well, after a week of feeling like I always do I found out that this week I actually DID have more energy. So I decided to catch up on some spring projects that needed doing.
First on the list was painting my oldest's bedroom and the hallway upstairs. We planned on doing it Saturday, so I went to the paint store got samples, spent a day agonizing over whether I should go with the lighter shade or the one that was just one half tone darker, you know the drill. Did a lot of running around from paint store to fabric store because I decided if we're going to pain the hallway and Nat's room, may as well paint the small room that used to be our home office before we finished the basement and is now the kid's playroom. Of course painting it meant making new curtains for it.
And sewing curtains meant getting to my sewing machine which has lain unused pretty much since I got diagnosed and we've just been throwing things in my craft room when we cleaned up and it's full of junk now. So I spent a day pulling boxes and bolts of fabric and folding up fat quarters and sorting them by color and getting my craft room organized.
So tomorrow I'm supposed to be painting. And I can barely move. I have to actually admit that yes, I still have cancer. I can't do everything I'd like to.
I even am having to face up to the fact that taking two college courses this summer, when I won't finish chemo until late June and will be out of town for a whole week in July is probably not going to work either. I still think I can swing one, but I'm not going to register for the second one.
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Honey, I am reasonably healthy and just reading your post made me want to go nap. Take it easy on yourself. Healing is hard work. The rest will wait.
Posts: 11187 | Registered: Sep 2005
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Belle, to be honest, you do sound like you have super strength at least. You are still fighting and doing what you can in some really terrible circumstances. Just because you don't wear a cape doesn't mean you aren't super Posts: 1918 | Registered: Mar 2005
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Being under the weather from chronic issues is so much harder than anyone else realizes, especially the one involved. Take your time and pace yourself if you can. Be the tortoise. Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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Sheesh, I'm not that ambitious and I don't have cancer. Your job right now is to keep up your strength- let someone else paint!
Posts: 2711 | Registered: Mar 2004
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Belle, your strength makes me feel so weak. I wish I had half the determination that you have. I agree with romany, right now, the most important thing is getting you healthy. The rest can wait, I promise. Plus, it's an excuse to have other people to something else for you for a change.
Posts: 1789 | Registered: Jul 2003
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As it turns out I didn't paint today after all. I did buy all the paint and supplies but it will wait two weeks because I know next weekend I won't feel up to it - chemo is next week.
Instead I did something wonderfully exciting. I went and watched my aunt graduate - receiving her master's degree in Public Health. Then we went out to eat at a Japanese steakhouse.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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Belle, I know what you mean. You don't want to be weak and tired. I'm the same. I can do everything. Myself. Every day. Or at least I want to believe it to be so.
A few weeks ago, I injured my knee while carrying some heavy bundles up a bunch of stairs. As a result of the hurt knee, I couldn't lift my husband (who is severely disabled, and can't lift himself out of his wheelchair. It's not like I just bench-press him for the fun of it). Fortunately, we have a mechanical lift in the house in case of emergency. So I had to resort to using that. Except I can't stand the fact that I can't lift the guy, so I keep insisting on trying. And between the trying, and the gimping around with a cane because of my hurt knee, I threw my back out of whack, and have a sciatic pain running down my leg. So, I definitely need to use the lift now, right? Today I was arguing with my husband that I'm sure I could lift him myself, never mind the pain. He gave me that look he has and just rolled his eyes.
I saw a chiropractic doctor on Friday. My first time. She examined me, and asked if I could bend forward and touch my toes. "Of COURSE I can touch my toes, I've always been able to touch my toes." I start to bend over. I'm nowhere near my toes when I have to stop. "Ay yi yi! I can't do it -- it hurts!" I said I had no idea why I couldn't do that -- I always have been able to. She said that I should tell her again why I came to see her. "Well, I've been having this pain that is getting in the way of me doing what I normally do." She gave me the same look and eye roll that my husband's been doling out.
I am not accustomed to not being able to do the things that I think I ought to be able to do.
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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It's been said before, but having the strength to live the way you do, the courage to keep trying to live the way you want to instead of giving in to sickness or injury, is proof that you ARE superwomen.
Posts: 3420 | Registered: Jun 2002
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I got up this morning, went to work, came home, mowed the yard and did yard work, took care of my husband and am fixing something utterly weird for supper. I don't need hugs. (but, if you'd like to do the dishes, I wouldn't turn you away )
I *really* hate admitting weakness.
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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It was indeed Fael who graduated with her master's Maybe she'll come back around now that she isn't trying to work full time and get a graduate degree.
Well, I did a little bit of stuff today, nothing too taxing. Went to chemo, got sent home, blood counts not high enough to be treated. *sigh* I react badly to the Aranesp shot, it makes me ache and hurt, so I've been pretty inactive since the side effects started about three hours after my injection.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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