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I don't even have children yet, but I find myself thinking about children, and motherhood and all of that stuff. It's unusual, I usually do not think about stuff like that at all. I think it's due to my age or something. Perhaps I am getting to the age where people suddenly start to consider that sort of thing. I also have been doing a lot of research on adoption too after reading a book about all of these babies in China. Just how useful are books on childrearing? I think they are mostly useful as a framework with good suggestions, but to use them as gospel... perhaps not. What do you think and what are some good books to read on childcare?
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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I don't think they're all that useful. (I would love to read OSC's though, if I found it somewhere, just because I eat up anything he writes.) I think at best they contain common sense, and at worst they contain common nonsense.
I think a forum like this is the best place to bounce ideas off of, because you would find a wide array of experienced people with varying opinions, and you could look through it all and take your pick of what sounds like it would work for you. (I particularly do not believe that there is a single approach that can work for all parents, just like I do not believe there is a single teaching approach that can work for all teachers.) But I think in an exchange of ideas, where you post about what you're struggling with, or you post about something you did that turned out great, I think that as a reader you'd be a little more motivated to try things that sound good that you might not have thought of on your own. I don't think a parenting book can do that because I don't think a parenting book can be as personal, as directed to you as a parent. I am also disinclined to believe there is such a thing as a "parenting expert."
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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Yeah, it always seems to me like they have very generic advice. I remember being a kid reading my grandmother's old medical books and the way one had a neat little time table for how you should handle young children. It seemed like a parent would be forced to the child's time table and not the other way around. How likely is it that they'll get to bed by 7 o clock instead of 12am because of something distracting? Also, they contradict each other, some say pick up a child a lot, others say leave the child in the crib to cry on its own. How can anyone make sense of that? Maybe it's best to go by instincts and perhaps when the time comes I'll have those... though I can't be sure, I really am not mature enough for all of this...
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Parenting books really are guidelines, and most have more to do with the author's philosophies than any hard research. Even I, who have some very strongly held opinions about childrearing, will admit that most authors will cite the research that backs up the viewpoint they already hold. That said, I am a very big fan of Dr William Sears. I feel enough of his advice has been successfully applied by the real experts ( that is, parents) to give him real credibility.
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We stick to the more medically oriented parent advice books-- the 'What to expect' books are good ones, usually.
There's a good book called 'Manipulating Parents' that talks about the way children (and all people) manipulate their parents to obtain what they want. It's a good read for all parents.
Posts: 14554 | Registered: Dec 1999
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quote:Originally posted by Synesthesia: I don't even have children yet, but I find myself thinking about children, and motherhood and all of that stuff. It's unusual, I usually do not think about stuff like that at all. I think it's due to my age or something. Perhaps I am getting to the age where people suddenly start to consider that sort of thing.
I'm doing this too. I'm having trouble not doing research on parenting and pregnancy. It's not that I really want to have a child in the near future, I just want to have all the information on hand when I do decide I want a baby.
I've been avoiding them, though, because my boyfriend freaks out when I say a baby is cute. He'd probably have a heartattack if I turned up reading "What to do when you're expecting".
Posts: 4655 | Registered: Jan 2002
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I don't even have a boyfriend... I have just been possessed by the odd idea of adopting two years from now... I don't even want to think of how a potential beau might react to that....
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I have zero experience with parenthood, but the one thing I have gotten the impression is consistently true is that the correct way to raise a child varies greatly from any one child to the next.
Posts: 8120 | Registered: Jul 2000
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Anything by Jean Illsley Clarke is a good read -- whether or not you're a parent, thinking about becoming a parent, thinking about how you were parented . . . *smile*
Posts: 5609 | Registered: Jan 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Tresopax: I have zero experience with parenthood, but the one thing I have gotten the impression is consistently true is that the correct way to raise a child varies greatly from any one child to the next.
quote: I don't even have children yet, but I find myself thinking about children, and motherhood and all of that stuff.
Syn, that's what my friends and I call the Baby Ache. One morning you wake up and the world is full of babies. Tiny baby clothes, cute baby toys, and everyone has a baby but you.
I usually get hit for a few months every few years. I ask Chet if we can have one. He tells me no. I keep taking my pills, and the feeling eventually passes.
I'm gonna feel bad for him the next time it happens. We're old enough now that our parents are bugging us for grandkids. When I get the urge again and start asking for one, too, I don't know how he'll hold out.
At least it's on the to do list. Not any time soon, but it's on there.
Posts: 2283 | Registered: Dec 2003
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Oh NO! But I really am too young and irresponsible to have babies. But this idea of adopting a child or two or three and having at least one of my own seems to have taken over my head. It's a bit annoying... I have yet to even live a wild wanton life Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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I have the baby ache bad sometimes. It was just a nice someday dream until I got married and now I have times where it takes over and I bug Paul a ton even though the rational part of me knows that having a baby now would not be the best idea. Its funny though, a few months back I had a bit of a pregnancy scare and it really stopped me from wanting a baby now. It was much more sobering when I had to really consider all that having a baby would entail and not just all the good things about them.
Posts: 416 | Registered: May 2005
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